Scared of what could happen next
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
Scared of what could happen next
Hello - new to the forum. Great to see the strength you are giving each other.
34 year old guy and right now I feel hopeless feel scared. Scared of what could happen the next time either to myself or to those I love.
I'm a binge drinker. Drinking has gone into a different level since I turned 30, I can go weeks, months of drinking with friends in a variety of settings (couple of drinks, nights out, weekends away) and be fine, drunk from time to time but no lingering issues. But every so often (9 months or so) I go way too far, binge drink and just keep drinking until I black out and can't remember much if anything the next door. This happened on Friday and I have little memory of what happened aside from being in a club with a work colleague and then getting woken up at the last bus stop.
When I can remember I'm like a different person, I see photos of me and I look dead inside, I've been in dangerous situations due to it, promiscuity has been an issue happens a lot and I can wake up thinking how or why did that happen. Likewise aimlessly wandering around the city I live in - and I'm so lucky I haven't been a victim thanks to that. These episodes seem to happen when I'm dealing with stressful times (relationships, work). It leaves me feeling paranoid round friends or work colleagues thinking about what I could have done or said and had no or little memory of it.
I know I'm quite controlling of myself and it seems to build up until I need to lose control and let my inhibitions go. I'm so scared that I'll be fine and then something will happen
I've been open and talked with my family and my girlfriend about this. I've been to my Doctor who's put me into counselling which I found to be really useful but that was until my latest episode at the weekend. I'm scared that I'll go through the all this again and then same thing will happen again and either I or someone I love has to pick up the pieces afterwards. I don't feel strong enough to get through it I'll keep plugging along until the next time.
Thanks for reading
34 year old guy and right now I feel hopeless feel scared. Scared of what could happen the next time either to myself or to those I love.
I'm a binge drinker. Drinking has gone into a different level since I turned 30, I can go weeks, months of drinking with friends in a variety of settings (couple of drinks, nights out, weekends away) and be fine, drunk from time to time but no lingering issues. But every so often (9 months or so) I go way too far, binge drink and just keep drinking until I black out and can't remember much if anything the next door. This happened on Friday and I have little memory of what happened aside from being in a club with a work colleague and then getting woken up at the last bus stop.
When I can remember I'm like a different person, I see photos of me and I look dead inside, I've been in dangerous situations due to it, promiscuity has been an issue happens a lot and I can wake up thinking how or why did that happen. Likewise aimlessly wandering around the city I live in - and I'm so lucky I haven't been a victim thanks to that. These episodes seem to happen when I'm dealing with stressful times (relationships, work). It leaves me feeling paranoid round friends or work colleagues thinking about what I could have done or said and had no or little memory of it.
I know I'm quite controlling of myself and it seems to build up until I need to lose control and let my inhibitions go. I'm so scared that I'll be fine and then something will happen
I've been open and talked with my family and my girlfriend about this. I've been to my Doctor who's put me into counselling which I found to be really useful but that was until my latest episode at the weekend. I'm scared that I'll go through the all this again and then same thing will happen again and either I or someone I love has to pick up the pieces afterwards. I don't feel strong enough to get through it I'll keep plugging along until the next time.
Thanks for reading
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
You don't need to be scared of what could happen next time you get drunk, you can decide right now to never drink again.
I'd suggest that your Beast( a term from RR/AVRT, great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum), the beast or the desire for intoxication has hijacked your emotional response to that conclusion and turned it from ITs fear of never being satisfied again , into Your fear of the consequences of satisfying ITs desire while smuggling in the idea that not satisfying ITs desire is not a choice or an appropriate action. That cunning and baffling thing.
Do you honestly fear never blacking out again ? Or do you think IT honestly fears You never satisfying IT again ?
YOU can guarantee you and your loved ones are forever spared the consequences of indulging ITs insatiable desire, by cutting off ITs booze supply.
How could YOU be scared of that prospect? That's why I suggest IT is not YOU.
wish you well and hope to see you around
I'd suggest that your Beast( a term from RR/AVRT, great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum), the beast or the desire for intoxication has hijacked your emotional response to that conclusion and turned it from ITs fear of never being satisfied again , into Your fear of the consequences of satisfying ITs desire while smuggling in the idea that not satisfying ITs desire is not a choice or an appropriate action. That cunning and baffling thing.
Do you honestly fear never blacking out again ? Or do you think IT honestly fears You never satisfying IT again ?
YOU can guarantee you and your loved ones are forever spared the consequences of indulging ITs insatiable desire, by cutting off ITs booze supply.
How could YOU be scared of that prospect? That's why I suggest IT is not YOU.
wish you well and hope to see you around
Keep Going
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: England
Posts: 1,530
dwtbd is right.
You can stop now and take another path.
The biggest mistake I made was trying to do it on my own. It's much better out here in sobriety. I was just thinking it's the biggest buzz I've ever had.
Take any help you can find. Some of it will annoy you but some of it will help. This site saved my life in the early days.
Just do it different to how you've been doing it.
You can stop now and take another path.
The biggest mistake I made was trying to do it on my own. It's much better out here in sobriety. I was just thinking it's the biggest buzz I've ever had.
Take any help you can find. Some of it will annoy you but some of it will help. This site saved my life in the early days.
Just do it different to how you've been doing it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
First you must realize that if you continue on the path you are on, it will get worse. By whatever means you have available the time to stop is now.
Next you must understand that you are much stronger than you think. You need to get a plan to take on your nemesis. You started out good by finding this site. I wandered on here almost 4 years ago to this day. And I have maintained my sobriety since that time. And you can as well.
Use this site to help formulate a plan.
Realize that once you are on the path to sobriety "maintaining" doesn't work.
I think the biggest fear for all of us a one point was knowing we can't turn back.
Hope to see you on the forums more often.
Take the time to join the July 2017 Class to help keep you motivated.
Next you must understand that you are much stronger than you think. You need to get a plan to take on your nemesis. You started out good by finding this site. I wandered on here almost 4 years ago to this day. And I have maintained my sobriety since that time. And you can as well.
Use this site to help formulate a plan.
Realize that once you are on the path to sobriety "maintaining" doesn't work.
I think the biggest fear for all of us a one point was knowing we can't turn back.
Hope to see you on the forums more often.
Take the time to join the July 2017 Class to help keep you motivated.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,298
I too was a binge drinker. Waking up wondering what did I do or say? It's a slippery slope. I knew I was sliding toward a major wreck of some sort. When you can see the writing on the wall it's time to stop. Counseling...yes. Seeking support....certainly, but you have to decide if you are done. I'm done. I'm not going back to that shame and feeling where your heart sinks because some picture, social post, or worse doctor or cop have to enlighten me. I'm over 3 months along in sobriety and I simply won't go back to that place. I'm happier remembering and showering love on those around me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3
Thanks for the kind and positive words.
I certainly feel like I'm on the way to making that step towards sobriety. I feel like I have to ensure that it's not another step of 'taking control' which I may lash out at again down the line. I'll try and take it one day at a time, the strength of not putting any more burden on those closest to me is willing me on. And I think this forum will play a big part in that too
I certainly feel like I'm on the way to making that step towards sobriety. I feel like I have to ensure that it's not another step of 'taking control' which I may lash out at again down the line. I'll try and take it one day at a time, the strength of not putting any more burden on those closest to me is willing me on. And I think this forum will play a big part in that too
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Originally Posted by P14L 
Thanks for the kind and positive words.
I certainly feel like I'm on the way to making that step towards sobriety. I feel like I have to ensure that it's not another step of 'taking control' which I may lash out at again down the line. I'll try and take it one day at a time, the strength of not putting any more burden on those closest to me is willing me on. And I think this forum will play a big part in that too
I certainly feel like I'm on the way to making that step towards sobriety. I feel like I have to ensure that it's not another step of 'taking control' which I may lash out at again down the line. I'll try and take it one day at a time, the strength of not putting any more burden on those closest to me is willing me on. And I think this forum will play a big part in that too
That is the way to go for sure.
I'm glad you are going to stay around this site. The site is world wide so there's always somebody awake.
Giving each other positive vibes is what helps.And these forums are all about that.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Originally Posted by P14L
Thanks for the kind and positive words.
I certainly feel like I'm on the way to making that step towards sobriety.
I certainly feel like I'm on the way to making that step towards sobriety.
Best to you this evening.
Gratitude Gardener
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
Tears of total understanding. I think I too was far more of a binge drinker (usually, and sort of naturally, if there is such a thing)... I RARELY drank two days in a row. But at times it went to every other night with alarming regularity, and it made my life a constant broken record groundhog day. And OH YES about the horrible shame and fear when you realize you were drunk as a skunk on FACEBOOK... TALKING TO PEOPLE. No idea what the hell you said, who you disasterously may have FLIRTED WITH... or worse, TOLD OFF. What crazy egomaniacal absolute baloney you might have posted, oh so sanctimoniously... grandiously... like a total idiot.
I too drank especially hard and uncontrollably when I felt stressed out. And it just made life go into an overdrive of stress and more self loathing. Drank because I couldnt handle the overwhelming feelings of getting everything done? Oh, well great, because drinking just put more on your plate, with even less coping skills available to handle it now, in your hungover state.
I understand you, Brother <3
Lets step into sobriety together, and watch life get far better, our confidence strengthen, and our self worth soar to a far more pure and happy place.
Stay with us <3
I too drank especially hard and uncontrollably when I felt stressed out. And it just made life go into an overdrive of stress and more self loathing. Drank because I couldnt handle the overwhelming feelings of getting everything done? Oh, well great, because drinking just put more on your plate, with even less coping skills available to handle it now, in your hungover state.
I understand you, Brother <3
Lets step into sobriety together, and watch life get far better, our confidence strengthen, and our self worth soar to a far more pure and happy place.
Stay with us <3
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome P14L 
I think many of us an identify with your story. I remember my dead eyes too - and I also remember that pressure building up thing.
My addictive self had be convinced that the only solution to that pressure cooker problem was drinking, but it's just not true - in fact from this side of the fence I think at least partly I built up that pressure within myself as a reason to drink.
I eventually realised that I could be the man I wanted to be or I could drink - but not both.
I rediscovered a me, an authentic me, I'd forgotten.
I found that a few life changes removed the angst and pressure within me.
I've found a peace and happiness I didn't dare dream of a a drinker.
Life is good
SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too
D
I think many of us an identify with your story. I remember my dead eyes too - and I also remember that pressure building up thing.
My addictive self had be convinced that the only solution to that pressure cooker problem was drinking, but it's just not true - in fact from this side of the fence I think at least partly I built up that pressure within myself as a reason to drink.
I eventually realised that I could be the man I wanted to be or I could drink - but not both.
I rediscovered a me, an authentic me, I'd forgotten.
I found that a few life changes removed the angst and pressure within me.
I've found a peace and happiness I didn't dare dream of a a drinker.
Life is good
SR helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you too
D
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