The Century Club (100 days)
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 101
The Century Club (100 days)
Hi folks. Today marks my first 100 days sober.
Experience: (my drinking resume)
Fell in love with alcohol at 17.
Former homebrewer.
20 years of daily consumption.
Had epic times drinking with friends
Gave me courage to talk to a girl who inexplicably became, and remains, my wife.
Moved to an Island and discovered rum.
Last 5 years have been an exponential decline, each worse than previous, each month worse than last, each week more frightening than prior.
Strength (how I stopped)
My left arm went numb. Then the right arm. Then the left leg. Right leg only a little dodgy. Then the twitches started, the panic attacks, the negative racing thoughts, night sweats, and the stink.
Liver more or less OK tho!
I had a full recovery team. ER staff, hospital director of social services, primary care physicians, 2 neurologists, psychologist, accupuncturist, masseuse, dietitian, and a naturopath. Family, friends, and employer universally supportive. Access to AA, a sponsor, and immediate help from new sober friends in the rooms.
There's no such thing as an "easy" individual recovery. I'm fortunate to have access to medical care, and a community of people vested in my recovery. Making sure as many of these services can be made available to as many sufferers as possible is now an entrenched part of my social and political ethos.
Hope (going forward)
One Day At a Time.
The neurologist expects me to fully recover from peripheral neuropathy with time. I can walk 3-5 miles, and I can paddle out and surf (but I won't be charging hard for awhile). I can pick up my daughter and feed myself. These are things I am grateful for. But the recovery is slow and non-linear. Weeks to months, or months to years. Pain, clumsiness, and cramping still appear out of nowhere, and are a constant reminder of what's at stake.
Mentally, I feel like a fighter who is constantly under attack. Panic, anxiety, depression, and fear show up and take swings at me. Sometimes it's just one of them, and I can see it coming. Other times all 4 try to jump me at once, and out of nowhere. I don't run. I block and disarm. Sometimes I win. Sometimes, you just have learn to take one punch to avoid 4. Sometimes I lose.
They're strong. But they have the same moves. They don't get stronger, and they don't adapt. I do, every time I go to a meeting or see my therapist, I get stronger, I learn a new technique. I become the big bad, not them.
My hope is for continued improvement and complete recovery, without a loss of vigilance. Yesterday was a good day, and I think today will be too. But it's easy to focus on recovery when the fallout from addiction is still apparent. I think it will be harder when I'm crushing waves and leaving the 4 horseman of PAWS bloodied on the sidewalk.
With 100 days, I'm no recovery expert, other than having those 100 days. And I don't want readers to take the wrong message. Recovery is not linear and straightforward. For me, there are physical and emotional setbacks. But these setbacks don't have to lead to relapse.
Experience: (my drinking resume)
Fell in love with alcohol at 17.
Former homebrewer.
20 years of daily consumption.
Had epic times drinking with friends
Gave me courage to talk to a girl who inexplicably became, and remains, my wife.
Moved to an Island and discovered rum.
Last 5 years have been an exponential decline, each worse than previous, each month worse than last, each week more frightening than prior.
Strength (how I stopped)
My left arm went numb. Then the right arm. Then the left leg. Right leg only a little dodgy. Then the twitches started, the panic attacks, the negative racing thoughts, night sweats, and the stink.
Liver more or less OK tho!
I had a full recovery team. ER staff, hospital director of social services, primary care physicians, 2 neurologists, psychologist, accupuncturist, masseuse, dietitian, and a naturopath. Family, friends, and employer universally supportive. Access to AA, a sponsor, and immediate help from new sober friends in the rooms.
There's no such thing as an "easy" individual recovery. I'm fortunate to have access to medical care, and a community of people vested in my recovery. Making sure as many of these services can be made available to as many sufferers as possible is now an entrenched part of my social and political ethos.
Hope (going forward)
One Day At a Time.
The neurologist expects me to fully recover from peripheral neuropathy with time. I can walk 3-5 miles, and I can paddle out and surf (but I won't be charging hard for awhile). I can pick up my daughter and feed myself. These are things I am grateful for. But the recovery is slow and non-linear. Weeks to months, or months to years. Pain, clumsiness, and cramping still appear out of nowhere, and are a constant reminder of what's at stake.
Mentally, I feel like a fighter who is constantly under attack. Panic, anxiety, depression, and fear show up and take swings at me. Sometimes it's just one of them, and I can see it coming. Other times all 4 try to jump me at once, and out of nowhere. I don't run. I block and disarm. Sometimes I win. Sometimes, you just have learn to take one punch to avoid 4. Sometimes I lose.
They're strong. But they have the same moves. They don't get stronger, and they don't adapt. I do, every time I go to a meeting or see my therapist, I get stronger, I learn a new technique. I become the big bad, not them.
My hope is for continued improvement and complete recovery, without a loss of vigilance. Yesterday was a good day, and I think today will be too. But it's easy to focus on recovery when the fallout from addiction is still apparent. I think it will be harder when I'm crushing waves and leaving the 4 horseman of PAWS bloodied on the sidewalk.
With 100 days, I'm no recovery expert, other than having those 100 days. And I don't want readers to take the wrong message. Recovery is not linear and straightforward. For me, there are physical and emotional setbacks. But these setbacks don't have to lead to relapse.
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