sobersolstice

This past Friday, I had 15 days under my belt, and after a 16 hour workday in the mountains, cravings hit me like a truck. My roommate is with family (I don't really have parents that I communicate with). I was doing well, and things were improving, but on the drive back, I couldn't kick my AV. A full hour of intense craving while driving, and the AV just ran rampant.

I was very Hungry, though I brought 2 sandwiches and snacks, Angry that I mis-bid the job, Lonely, knowing I'd be coming home to an empty house, and Tired from the longest day I've ever worked. Every aspect of HALT presented itself, and it wasn't a feeling of caving in; it was a feeling that I absolutely needed a beer, and nothing was going to stop me. In any case, I went and got a sixer at the store, drank 2 beers and half a steak, passing out with my fork on my chest.

My question is, how do you plan for these instances? I tried to ride out the wave, but it wasn't really a wave; it knocked me senseless. I said "soda and food" but it didn't work. Beer and steak won.

I drank 3 of the remaining beers, and felt crap, so poured out the 4th one. I bought some light beers for the weekend, but haven't felt like drinking them. I've been drinking coconut water instead.

I'm in a weird place. Where do I restart? Each relapse presents a different scenario that needs a solution, and there seems to be thousands of scenarios. I guess I can bracket them into groupings?

I just want my freedom. I'm upset with myself, but in a strange state of serenity. I don't know what's going on... Beating myself up over it doesn't have any ROI. What now? I'm in the middle of a 4 day weekend by myself.

Maudcat

Hi, sober. I finally figured out that the snickers commercial, "you're not you when you're hungry"
Is me.
I get caught up in a project or errands, I wait too long to eat, and then I'm a wreck.
So now I stop and get something to eat, even if it is going to delay my getting home.
In my mind, getting home and eating is the reward for a job done.
So I have had to be mindful of that and eat when I am hungry.
I understand the beer craving. I loved beer and hard cider.
Sometimes, when I really feel that I want a beer, I tell myself that I am superthirsty and, really, sparkling flavored water will do just as well.
So there is an element of giving oneself a pep talk in order to flip the script.
I don't have the anathema against NA beer that many on this site do.
I just don't think it tastes very good, but I have been known to partake of the occasional NA beer. It doesn't trigger me, but everyone is different.
Last, there are going to be bad days. Days where you worked too hard and didn't getenough pay for it.
Days when you are lonely.
Days when you are sad.
They pass.
Take the dog for a walk. Pet the cat. Sit on the patio after dark and enjoy the peace of the evening.
Take a bubble bath.
It truly is the little things that make us most happy.
Dunno if this helped. I hope so.

BrendaChenowyth

You have to remind yourself that when you think you want to drink because you'll feel better, it's not true, it's the opposite, you'll feel worse. I have started writing in a recovery journal that I carry with me so I can refer to it whenever I have those moments. It also helps to call a sober friend. Keep busy doing things you enjoy.

Anna

Yeah, I'm with Maudcat. I'm not me when I'm hungry and I try to always be prepared. I'm not sure about groupings, but I think you need to believe the words that alcohol is never the answer, ever. Then it doesn't matter what the circumstance is, the option of alcohol is never there.

Maudcat

I always have salty snacks in my car, just in case.
Someone posted recently that she chews a gummy multivitamin when she has cravings. I don't know why, but that makes sense to me.
I take two vitamin D gummies every day.
Here in Mass, we are all D deficient.
It's the winters.
I tell you, chewing those gummies is enormously satisfying!
Isn't that funny?

nova84

My husband tells me I get 'hangry' aka angry when hungry...I have to agree with him lol

Did you realise you were experiencing HALT at the time or did the realisation come as a result of reflecting afterwards? Was thinking checking these things off at the time might have helped?

All I can suggest is planning interesting enjoyable things for when you know you're going to be home alone for a period of time. Maybe keep an emergency supply of non-perishable snacks in your car (or whatever)...that would have been 2 out of the 4 covered at least.

Wishing you well on your recovery journey x

doggonecarl

Every scenario, as you call them, has a solution. But you pick drinking. Alcohol is only a solution for your addiction, nothing else.

sobersolstice

Thank you Nova84. I realized HALT was happening while driving home. I was stupid and my AV said "ok you hit all 4, have a drink" and the pull was so strong, I didn't even flinch. Now I'm back on here trying to figure it all out. Again. I'm an idiot...

thomas11

Many of us didn't get sober on our first try. I'd say you did pretty good and recognized all the signals, but you broke down and beer and steak won. Next time come up with a plan that steak and beer will NOT win. Speaking for myself, if I have a full belly I want nothing to do with booze. Not sure why, but the thought of drinking on a full stomach sickens me. The other factors I've learned to deal with. Keep at sobersolstice.

BTW, are you a skywatcher. just asking because of your name?

sobersolstice

I've been pondering this all weekend, and yes, Hunger was the main component in this failure. I was eating twice as much as I do when drinking, and just didn't have enough food for the workload. I lost 10lbs in one day during that job (16 hrs of physical labor), and I lost the fight. I was hungover after 2 beers due to dehydration.

I had a coors light today, so I can't call day one. Ahhhh!!! Get it together SS!

Oh. My first go at trying to quit was on the summer Solstice, so I gave myself that screen-name. Nothing else really. I tried it again, but when it felt right.

Maybe I should stop hyperanalyzing it, and just not drink. I'm getting confused.

JK130

Indeed you are overthinking. It's important to have a full "bag of tricks" to help you stay strong when you'd really rather just drink alcohol, but your strategy needs to include "I will NOT drink this week/weekend/day/hour/minute." Do something else. Eat, sleep, exercise, create, interact with others...almost anything will do. Soon the sober minutes, hours and days will add up and you'll feel a whole lot better! Three sandwiches next time!!!

Dee74

HALTs just a acronym to help us remember common trigger points.
It can be part of a plan - but it's by no means a plan itself.

Here are some other ideas about cravings that may help:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

and here's an introduction to what I call recovery plans:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

For a lot of us, we come into recovery with two coping strategies - gritting our teeth or drinking - sometimes both.

Like Carl says - if your only solution for some thing is drinking you need more solutions.

Anger seems a biggie for you - have you thought anymore on some counselling maybe?

D

thomas11

how old are you SS?

sobersolstice

39, feeling like I'm 24. I just feel no benefit (even socially) from drinking anymore. I used to chase that intense sense of euphoria, but now I just get tired and talk less. Just like with smoking, there is absolutely nothing good about it for me (quit 17 years ago). I'm more anxious the next day, I don't want to socialize, even while drinking. My confidence is much higher sober.

I'm getting more and more sober time in, and growing stronger by understanding what is important. My barber and I were talking drinking; he quit 5 years ago and was talking about his wife and kids. I told him I was single, and he implied something about 'having fun'. I know the main reason I am single is because I drink too much.

This stuff isn't even good for cars. Why do they give you beer at the end of triathalons? Do you have to drink the champagne after soaking everyone in it if you podium? We're crazy.

Mizzuno

SS,
Have you thrown away the beers that you purchased over the weekend? If not, that would be a good start so you are not tempted to grab one.

I do think you are overthinking this. HALT comes up for me at times. I recognize it for what it is and then act accordingly. Hunger is one of the things that I have to watch. I get angry when I am hungry as well. I then get tired from being hungry and angry......its like I wear myself out. Proper nutrition will keep the thoughts of drinking to a minimum. At least it is this way for me.

Gottalife

I can get cranky when I am tired or hungry, anger and loneliness are almost things of the past. But that's it, I get cranky, maybe have an emotional binge, but it never occurs to me to drink. Why would that be?

My best guess is that my alcoholism has been treated, and I have an effective 24/7 defense against the first drink. I am one of those alcoholics described in the big book. I lost the power of choice in drink. They say, at certain times, the alcoholic has no effective defense against the fatal first drink. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting their hand on a hot stove.

That is what I was like. It made no difference whate else was going on. Hungry, angry, sunny day, happy, sad, tired, whatever, I simply found myself drinking when I had not intended to. My solution was AA. Haven't needed to drink since.

sobersolstice

I picked up a sixer of coors light on Friday, and had two for each day through the weekend. My natural tendency would be to go get more, but I didn't want to. It was also a forced thing, and I had coconut water to drink until the stores closed, so I binged on that. It still put me back in a place where I have to rebuild and reboot. Definitely a bummer, but I'm going to stock up on food and healthy drinks I like today so I don't get hungry.

I'm underweight from drinking and the loose stools/lack of appetite associated with it, and noticed muscle growth in just the 2 weeks I stopped. My body treats alcohol horribly now, and had to use the bathroom incessantly this weekend even with minimal drinking. My body is rebelling, and I need to address that. My body is itching again, and that was going away...

Elk/bison steaks, veggies, coconut water, smoothies, and a lot of healthy snacks (gorging on trail mix and carrots) are on the list today. Expensive, but I feel better right away when I do it this way. I just need to keep doing it, and replacing the money I used to buy beer toward healthy nutrition.

Dangit SS... Get it together man! It's like a finish line 5 ft away in the mud while pouring down rain and my whole body is cramped up military crawling the last bit. Maybe it's never over, but I'm feeling something different. A conscious and calculated, yet emotionally driven yearning to stop. This is new to me, and I'm going to embrace it.

I'm not even going to say day 1.

NoahJ

Long days make meal planning hard, and poor meal planning is a recipe for relapse. Hypoglycemia and relapse is a real thing. Do you have access to the services of a dietitian or nutritionist through a hospital or primary care provider?

sobersolstice

I just went on a $200 meal and snack binge. I studied environmental science/medicine and nutrition in school, and have kept up with modern nutritional research, so I know what I need in my diet. Healthy proteins and fats, with little sugar and a good dose of veggies. I have sugary treats such as dried fruit for those quick crave situations. The main thing is to not wait until I run out. I need to maintain a high calorie diet for my metabolism.

I'm trying out a 'healthy' mass gainer type powder that isn't the best source of macros, but should be good for my smoothies in the morning and when cravings strike.

Not drinking today.