Creating an AV Loop
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 74
Creating an AV Loop
Day 7 today. Seven days since I found myself on the bathroom floor and realized that I couldn't keep pretending that I cad any control over this, that it was time to admit that I'm an alcoholic.
I have spent this week observing myself as objectively as possible (please forgive the self absorption). I've been trying to figure out what some of my triggers are, which ones are avoidable and which ones aren't and thinking a lot about the concept of a higher power.
I have also finally really heard my AV. That voice clearly saying to me 'it's been a long and exhausting day, when you get home you can collapse on the couch and have a nice glass of wine'. 'Why shouldn't you have a glass of wine with your friends, you don't need to quit drinking!'.
I hope I'm not relying too heavily on SR but I feel that the week of reading posts, looking at plan advice and listening to the experience of others has allowed me to wake up understanding that the existence of this AV is concrete proof that everything my AV says is a lie. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's what I mean by an AV loop. If I can hear my AV it means I need to acknowledge it and turn that around to it meaning that I'm an addict and mustn't listen to it. Maybe that's more of a U turn, lol, I don't know.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Day 7 and it's a beautiful day.
I have spent this week observing myself as objectively as possible (please forgive the self absorption). I've been trying to figure out what some of my triggers are, which ones are avoidable and which ones aren't and thinking a lot about the concept of a higher power.
I have also finally really heard my AV. That voice clearly saying to me 'it's been a long and exhausting day, when you get home you can collapse on the couch and have a nice glass of wine'. 'Why shouldn't you have a glass of wine with your friends, you don't need to quit drinking!'.
I hope I'm not relying too heavily on SR but I feel that the week of reading posts, looking at plan advice and listening to the experience of others has allowed me to wake up understanding that the existence of this AV is concrete proof that everything my AV says is a lie. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's what I mean by an AV loop. If I can hear my AV it means I need to acknowledge it and turn that around to it meaning that I'm an addict and mustn't listen to it. Maybe that's more of a U turn, lol, I don't know.
Anyway, I'm rambling. Day 7 and it's a beautiful day.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Ramble away, Beedebea 
Day 7 is excellent and so are your observations about yourself!
Lean on SR as much and as often as you need to. I have learned so much about myself from reading and posting, I don't know where I would be without SR.
Day 7 is excellent and so are your observations about yourself!
Lean on SR as much and as often as you need to. I have learned so much about myself from reading and posting, I don't know where I would be without SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: North Georgia Mountains
Posts: 588
Great post, congrats on 7 days. It's good that you recognize the AV for what he/she/it is- a babbling idiot. Just remember you never have to act on what your AV says, you are in control.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Beedebea 
If I can hear my AV it means I need to acknowledge it and turn that around to it meaning that I'm an addict and mustn't listen to it.
People who can drink normally don't have a voice in their heads telling them they can.
Congrats on Day 7.
And, for the record, time spent fixing yourself is NOT self-absorption. My last 3-day bender - now THAT was self-absorption.
You are doing this.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
Beedebea, I do understand what you're saying about the AV loop, and I've had a similar experience. The fact that I have an AV, a voice telling me something I know darn well is ridiculous, was proof positive to me that I'd developed an addiction. The good news is it can be stopped in its tracks, by putting the drink down permanently. The fact that you can hear and recognize the AV also gives you the key to freedom -- every time it pipes up, you can recognize it and let it pass, which it will.
I also related to your other thread ... I had a big revelation when I quit, realizing that drinking was making my stress and depression worse, not better. I felt so hopeful, as my denial started to clear.
I also related to your other thread ... I had a big revelation when I quit, realizing that drinking was making my stress and depression worse, not better. I felt so hopeful, as my denial started to clear.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 74
Originally Posted by tursiops999
Beedebea, I do understand what you're saying about the AV loop, and I've had a similar experience. The fact that I have an AV, a voice telling me something I know darn well is ridiculous, was proof positive to me that I'd developed an addiction. The good news is it can be stopped in its tracks, by putting the drink down permanently. The fact that you can hear and recognize the AV also gives you the key to freedom -- every time it pipes up, you can recognize it and let it pass, which it will.
I also related to your other thread ... I had a big revelation when I quit, realizing that drinking was making my stress and depression worse, not better. I felt so hopeful, as my denial started to clear.
I also related to your other thread ... I had a big revelation when I quit, realizing that drinking was making my stress and depression worse, not better. I felt so hopeful, as my denial started to clear.
Thank you for listening!
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