zerothehero

I don't really keep track, but once in a while I get on the calculator and see how long I've been sober. For those new to sobriety or still working on it, I want to tell you that after drinking (and other drugs) for 40 years, I managed to quit and stay quit. A few things I can share:

1) Decide to quit for good. Never again. I had taken breaks from alcohol numerous times, but I always went back. It wasn't until I said to myself, "Never again!" did it stick.

2) Find supportive people and work to develop those relationships. For me it was my wife and people on this website. Go to meetings if you're comfortable and it works for you. Most metro areas have AA, SMART, the Buddhist-based Refuge Recovery and more. If you attend a meeting and you don't like the vibe, don't torture yourself. Find a different meeting, maybe with a different philosophy, or just walk the dog or something. I live in a small town, so I didn't really have meetings to go to (except when I traveled, which was a good time to check them out), but it didn't matter. I wasn't going to drink again no matter what.

3) Make a plan and stick with it. My plan was focused on meditation and healthy living. At first I also developed strategies for things like weddings and concerts. If you don't feel comfortable, stay home if possible. A great thing about sobriety is mobility. A sober person can drive anywhere at anytime to find refuge or whatever (well, if you have a car and a license).

4) If you can read, do it, and if you're reading this, then you can read. Rediscover the life of the mind. Read about recovery, and find other books that interest you. Learn to relax and find comfort in the world of thoughts and sensations. Having interesting books around helped with the initial boredom caused by thinking I was supposed to be out looking for thrills.

5) Try not to freak out about losing your friends. The real friends eventually come around, and those that don't, well... Let me put it this way: At first I thought people didn't want to be with me because I had quit drinking, but then I realized I didn't really want to be around them because they didn't quit drinking. In essence, I thought they were leaving me, but actually, I was leaving them. I still have friends who drink, and they are real friends, not just old drinking buddies.

6) Take it slow. Don't try to "fix" everything at once. Many things really don't need fixing, and things will start falling into place after some months, and especially years. Maybe you smoke. I'd say deal with the alcohol first. Maybe you have issues around food or sugar (I sure have). It's okay for now (unless you already have health issues that require immediate dietary adjustments). I started by quitting harder drugs, then weed, then alcohol. As I reconnected with my body I realized I binged on chocolate and sugar for many of the same reasons I drank. For most people it's okay for a while. Alcohol whacks your blood sugar, anyway, so it will take time. I'm finally after over three years eating healthy foods consistently. It's been a process. My point is don't beat yourself up. Be gentle with yourself.

7) Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, practice self-compassion and gratitude. Most of us have been through some real ****, and we've done some things we would rather forget (and things we don't remember but someone told us). It takes time, but we need to shed the self-loathing and that critical voice that says we're losers and can't do anything right. You are human. Humans make mistakes. You're working on it, and that's what matters. Learn to love yourself again and you'll find that you will begin loving life like never before. This may not be relevant for everyone reading this, but it sure was for me. I've gone from feeling like I deserved to die to being grateful for every breath and every glorious morning I can wake up healthy and ready for the day.

This ended up longer than intended, so if you're still reading, thanks. You can do this. All of my doubts and fears have dissipated. The sober life is so much more fulfilling and dare I say - magical. Live to love and love to live, children. When we're struggling, each moment feels like punishment. When the dust settles and we can smile at the beating of our hearts, each moment is a true gift.

Dee74

Congrats Zero - and thanks for the post

D

least

Big congrats on three and a half years sober!! And thank you for the encouraging message.

thomas11

What a magnificent post. I will selfishly admit, I really needed to read something like that today. Thank you and congratulations on your sober time. Inspiring.

Carlotta

Congratulations on 3.5 years and excellent post Z

Wholesome

What a lovely post zero! Thanks for that. And a big congrats on 3.5 years. I want what you've got and I'm on way to getting there.

Zebra1275

Congratulations on the sober time!

CreativeThinker

I really enjoyed reading your post Zero. You totally ROCK!

Jillwink

Congratulations! I totally agree, especially with #1.

JimiC

Very insightful and inspiring, thanks for that. I saved it in my SR folder to read again

Gilmer

Wonderful post.

Beedebea

Thank you for an amazing post!

PippoRossi

Damn, that was beautiful. Thank you so very much for the much needed encouragement. I honestly felt like you were speaking directly to me. Namaste, man. Namaste.

tursiops999

Beautiful post zero, thank you

asixstringnut

Thanks for the great post Zerothehero. I needed to read that. Inspiring.

I really needed to see this in the written word..

1) Decide to quit for good. Never again. I had taken breaks from alcohol numerous times, but I always went back. It wasn't until I said to myself, "Never again!" did it stick.

zerothehero

Thanks. I didn't know anything about Rational Recovery or AA or SMART or any other approach, but I knew this:

It was more overwhelming to think I might drink again than to think I would never drink again.

I needed finality, a sense of closure, no more, done, not just for today, but for this lifetime. Just my two cents.

Wholesome

It's true. As long as I held any deluded hope that I could control it one day, it would only be a matter of time before I drank again. Accepting that it had to be over for good was the hardest part. Once I got to that point where I was DONE it was easy. No more internal battles, no more self imposed conditions or rules about how I would drink. Just straight up never again.

zerothehero

I was so sick of hangovers and sick and tired of being sick and tired that I didn't even consider the thought of one day being able to control it or drink moderately. It wasn't until months into sobriety that I started thinking maybe I could be a moderate drinker, but by then I felt so much better without alcohol that I figured why bother... The benefits of total sobriety far outweigh the risks of attempting moderation. Plus, because I'm not spending money on catching a buzz I can afford organic produce and grassfed, organic, cleaner meats. I feel better and I feel better about myself. Moderation is for people who never had difficulty drinking moderately.

RetiredGuy

Thanks for a great post and congrats on 3.5 years!

Wholesome

I didn't so much try to moderate as try to mitigate the damage. If I was going to drink I knew I was going to get drunk so I would place all these rules like only on weekend, or only after a certain time in the day, or if I was going to drink during the week then only on Thursday, or only if the kids were at their dad's, or only drinking light beer, or only drinking with friends, or only drinking at home etc...... of course I broke these rules all the time. Anything but quit for good! Such a relief to have that constant internal battle be over.