New to recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2
New to recovery
Good morning all...
I'm going through quite a bit in my head and heart and I'm hoping to find some solidarity and assistance with others going through the same thing.
Wife was "outed" as a AW two weeks back, did the ER/Detox and she's now in AA and moving ahead with recovery.
Yet, I find myself mired in resentment, anger, and hostility. Detox flipped a switch and now all's well while I'm not seeing a therapist and will do my first Al Anon session tonite. It's like a confessional- walking out of the box all clean and right while I'm sitting here like "what the hell"??? I'm mangled and devastated but left behind while she was able to shed the backpack of burden and walk on.
Ugh. I wish I could go back 4 years and just walk away.
I'm going through quite a bit in my head and heart and I'm hoping to find some solidarity and assistance with others going through the same thing.
Wife was "outed" as a AW two weeks back, did the ER/Detox and she's now in AA and moving ahead with recovery.
Yet, I find myself mired in resentment, anger, and hostility. Detox flipped a switch and now all's well while I'm not seeing a therapist and will do my first Al Anon session tonite. It's like a confessional- walking out of the box all clean and right while I'm sitting here like "what the hell"??? I'm mangled and devastated but left behind while she was able to shed the backpack of burden and walk on.
Ugh. I wish I could go back 4 years and just walk away.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 336
Oh, wow. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm not going through the same thing but have been through difficult situations and I know it's not easy. I wish you all the best and hope that the Al Anon meeting offers you some comfort.
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Hi hogeyphenogey, and welcome to SR. It sounds like you are in a really tough place right now, but it can and will get better. Just requires some work 
I hope you will check out the Friends&Family section of this website. You will find endless wisdom, support and understanding.
Therapy and alanon are an excellent start on your journey.
I hope you will check out the Friends&Family section of this website. You will find endless wisdom, support and understanding.
Therapy and alanon are an excellent start on your journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Hi and welcome Hogey
I was the drinker, but it's easy to see how hard it is for the partner.
It takes time, and willingness to forge a new relationship based on the new conditions.
It will take time for you to process all your justified anger and resentment too - I think AlAnon will be helpful there
For what it's worth, I think it's hard for the drinker too - at two weeks in, she might not have dumped that backpack as easily as it may have looked?
D
I was the drinker, but it's easy to see how hard it is for the partner.
It takes time, and willingness to forge a new relationship based on the new conditions.
It will take time for you to process all your justified anger and resentment too - I think AlAnon will be helpful there
For what it's worth, I think it's hard for the drinker too - at two weeks in, she might not have dumped that backpack as easily as it may have looked?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome,hogey.
"walking out of the box all clean and right..."
can ya describe what you mean by this? i dont know how someone that did a detox and 2 weeks of meetings is suddenly clean and right, unless its the pink cloud experience. if like others, its just the beginning and its going to get rough once the pink cloud bursts and she works the steps.
PLEASE keep going to al anon and work the steps. you will find causes and conditions for those resentments, anger, and hostility. solutions,too. visit the friends and family forum here. you will get great support and advise from people what have been, or are in, your shoes.
"walking out of the box all clean and right..."
can ya describe what you mean by this? i dont know how someone that did a detox and 2 weeks of meetings is suddenly clean and right, unless its the pink cloud experience. if like others, its just the beginning and its going to get rough once the pink cloud bursts and she works the steps.
PLEASE keep going to al anon and work the steps. you will find causes and conditions for those resentments, anger, and hostility. solutions,too. visit the friends and family forum here. you will get great support and advise from people what have been, or are in, your shoes.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome - good to meet you, Hogey.
I've been on both sides of this thing & I understand your bitterness & frustration. I hope the Al-Anon meeting goes well & eases some of your anxiety.
I've been on both sides of this thing & I understand your bitterness & frustration. I hope the Al-Anon meeting goes well & eases some of your anxiety.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
I too would suggest you take a look at the friends and family forums. Lots of support and good advice. I'm sorry you're going thru this and I understand. I was the wino in my house and I put my girls thru hell. 
Only time will tell how your wife does. Keep going to AlAnon, and the therapist - you need all the support you can get.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'm sorry you're going thru this and I understand. I was the wino in my house and I put my girls thru hell. 
Only time will tell how your wife does. Keep going to AlAnon, and the therapist - you need all the support you can get.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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