catlover1989

I have been reading up on alcoholism. One of the things that hit me was being truthful with yourself.

I went on a 3 day binge over the weekend. I blew a lot of money. Money I could have used for a lot of productive things. On Monday I was so afraid of going to the ATM or checking my balance on the phone. I knew I messed up big time.

After reading some material on being truthful with yourself as you attempt to recover, I finally decided to check my balance. It hurt. And I cursed myself a million times. But it felt good in a way. Carthatic - a wake up call.

I am on day 3 now. No cravings. No desire. Work was hell today due to the ramifications of my calling in sick on Monday after being hung over. An optimal situation for drowning my sorrows. But no. I'm not gonna do it. I can't.

Maudcat

Glad it wasn't as bad as you feared, catlover.
Don't drink today, okay?
Sending you good thoughts.

catlover1989

Hey, Maudcat.

Nope-not drinking today. Well I am actually. Hot cocoa . I cant put myself in this position again.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Berrybean

I feel your pain. I am the woman who didn't open any mail or check my bank balance for years and years. When we moved (had to as couldn't keep up mortgage repayments AND keep drinking - my oh my) my partner went mad when he found the massive box full of envelopes. We had another few years of that madness to come. But when I got sober things gradually righted themselves somehow.

I'm still a bit phobic about envelopes with windows or official stamps, and especially about checking my bank balance, even now I know it'll be okay. It gets less and less as time passes though, and I can lean into that fear every time nowadays, but I do still get the initial heart racing and hot/cold sweat.

BB

catlover1989

I can imagine why your heart races and you still get nervous, even today. It is such a horrible feeling. And the worst part is that when you are blowing all that money while drunk, you don't care. Or your mind just says "you'll make it up." Each and every time.

Berrybean

Or "well I'm screwed anyway so I might as well.."

I'd be filled with horror when the postman knocked to deliver parcels as well, trying to remember what I had bought. Ewww.

tealily

Hang in there, catlover. I'm sorry it was rough at work today, but tomorrow will be better. Just take it a day at a time. You're on the right road now.