Day 52...and to be honest not much better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Albuquerque NM
Posts: 30
Day 52...and to be honest not much better
Hello,
So i'm on Day 52. Don't get me wrong I have had some good days. But most of my days are filled with anxiety, dread, fear and loathing. Just wondering if anyone else is going through the same thing as me?
Scottie
So i'm on Day 52. Don't get me wrong I have had some good days. But most of my days are filled with anxiety, dread, fear and loathing. Just wondering if anyone else is going through the same thing as me?
Scottie
Gratitude Gardener
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 278
I am only on day 12, and please forgive me if this post doesnt strike you in the right way, or is not helpful.
Just throwing a rope to you that might help you, and my intentions are to be of help not to annoy.
This is something I wrote recently to help me solidify a daily gratitude practice:
I am deepening my recognition that perspective is everything. That it is up to us to transform our thoughts. And staying close to the incredible truth that EVERYTHING IS A GIFT, its just that many of those gifts are disguised... and they arent even disguised by God... rather they are disguised by our faulty perception. (Nod to free will, here)
As I am deepening this practice of gratitude, I feel an incredible authentic grace taking over my whole experience.
There is nothing better, truly, than feeding and nurturing your gratitude garden.
Its changes EVERYTHING.
It takes vigilance, but if you get sick and tired enough of your stuckness, or your depression, or your anger... The vigilance comes easier. When youve reached the end of your rope, you WILL find the determination and stamina.... to climb.
Which is why our suffering is a gift... a gift we, in partnership with God, give to ourselves..... sometimes...or often.
Because that suffering pushes us up, inch by inch, tear by tear, boo boo, by boo boo, to God.... when nothing else is working to get us up there to safety.
This is why they say that the only prayer ever necessary is this one: "THANK YOU"
We don't have to thank God for the difficulty... Often we can't thank for that in any authentic way, because quite simply we don't feel thankful for that. But we CAN say THANK YOU for all the good we are ignoring while we are distracted by the bad, or too focused on what doesnt seem to be working.
And in switching your focus, with intention, to the GOOD that you can actually recognize and SEE in your life, a domino effect begins... And eventually all the bad dominos "fall" into GOODNESS, too.
The bad are transformed, right before your very eyes, into GOODNESS.
You begin to see those disguised blessings more and more accurately as to what they really are.
Not bad, but GOOD.
Gratitude is proving to me, once again, to be one of, in not THE, best ways to strengthen faith.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and here is a whole free book by one of my favorite mystics: https://archive.org/stream/EmmetFoxS...peaks_djvu.txt
Just throwing a rope to you that might help you, and my intentions are to be of help not to annoy.
This is something I wrote recently to help me solidify a daily gratitude practice:
I am deepening my recognition that perspective is everything. That it is up to us to transform our thoughts. And staying close to the incredible truth that EVERYTHING IS A GIFT, its just that many of those gifts are disguised... and they arent even disguised by God... rather they are disguised by our faulty perception. (Nod to free will, here)
As I am deepening this practice of gratitude, I feel an incredible authentic grace taking over my whole experience.
There is nothing better, truly, than feeding and nurturing your gratitude garden.
Its changes EVERYTHING.
It takes vigilance, but if you get sick and tired enough of your stuckness, or your depression, or your anger... The vigilance comes easier. When youve reached the end of your rope, you WILL find the determination and stamina.... to climb.
Which is why our suffering is a gift... a gift we, in partnership with God, give to ourselves..... sometimes...or often.
Because that suffering pushes us up, inch by inch, tear by tear, boo boo, by boo boo, to God.... when nothing else is working to get us up there to safety.
This is why they say that the only prayer ever necessary is this one: "THANK YOU"
We don't have to thank God for the difficulty... Often we can't thank for that in any authentic way, because quite simply we don't feel thankful for that. But we CAN say THANK YOU for all the good we are ignoring while we are distracted by the bad, or too focused on what doesnt seem to be working.
And in switching your focus, with intention, to the GOOD that you can actually recognize and SEE in your life, a domino effect begins... And eventually all the bad dominos "fall" into GOODNESS, too.
The bad are transformed, right before your very eyes, into GOODNESS.
You begin to see those disguised blessings more and more accurately as to what they really are.
Not bad, but GOOD.
Gratitude is proving to me, once again, to be one of, in not THE, best ways to strengthen faith.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and here is a whole free book by one of my favorite mystics: https://archive.org/stream/EmmetFoxS...peaks_djvu.txt
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
First - 52 days is awesome! 
Better than what? You are not better than if you had been drinking for the past 52 days? I am incredulous.
As for anxiety, dread, fear, and loathing...some people tell me they didn't have them in early sobriety, but I am not sure I believe them. I was ate up with it. People told me it would get better and I believed and stuck it out.
They were right.
What are you doing to help alleviate the anxiety, dread, fear, and loathing? Not drinking treated my addiction to alcohol, but I had to find other ways to make myself feel better.
Day 52...and to be honest not much better
As for anxiety, dread, fear, and loathing...some people tell me they didn't have them in early sobriety, but I am not sure I believe them. I was ate up with it. People told me it would get better and I believed and stuck it out.
They were right.
What are you doing to help alleviate the anxiety, dread, fear, and loathing? Not drinking treated my addiction to alcohol, but I had to find other ways to make myself feel better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
What are you doing aside from not drinking?
When we take out a habit/ addiction there is a replacement of another activity and thought process that I think needs to be implemented. If we dont replace then there is a hole of sorts and this could lead to exactly what you are feeling.
Do you have depression? Some underlying issue that was present before and now has come to the surface in the absence of alcohol/ drugs?
When we take out a habit/ addiction there is a replacement of another activity and thought process that I think needs to be implemented. If we dont replace then there is a hole of sorts and this could lead to exactly what you are feeling.
Do you have depression? Some underlying issue that was present before and now has come to the surface in the absence of alcohol/ drugs?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sounds like you could do with adding some more things into your recovery plan. Dee's thread is a good place to start... http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html
Are you going to AA or similar and doing the work on your recovery that they suggest? If not, can you pinpoint what is stopping you from doing so? I know what stopped me, but it might not be the same for you. Mine was pride and arrogance - thinking I knew best (which to be fair I usually do, but in this case I didn't lol) and fear. Fear of walking into a room of strangers, fear of the unknown, and fear of someone seeing me walk in there. Funny how my fear of those same things never stopped me walking into a new pub and getting trashed, but hey ho. Anyway, I can only go by my experience. Like I say, you may be completely and utterly different.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
PS sobriety is different to recovery. The idea of sobriety without recovery is, to me , vile. Because that's when all those feelings create an inner tsunami. You can get out of the vortex, but it's no good just hoping that in time the storm will spit you out. Please, find a lifeline, grab it, and hold on tight.
Are you going to AA or similar and doing the work on your recovery that they suggest? If not, can you pinpoint what is stopping you from doing so? I know what stopped me, but it might not be the same for you. Mine was pride and arrogance - thinking I knew best (which to be fair I usually do, but in this case I didn't lol) and fear. Fear of walking into a room of strangers, fear of the unknown, and fear of someone seeing me walk in there. Funny how my fear of those same things never stopped me walking into a new pub and getting trashed, but hey ho. Anyway, I can only go by my experience. Like I say, you may be completely and utterly different.
Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB
PS sobriety is different to recovery. The idea of sobriety without recovery is, to me , vile. Because that's when all those feelings create an inner tsunami. You can get out of the vortex, but it's no good just hoping that in time the storm will spit you out. Please, find a lifeline, grab it, and hold on tight.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 104
I don't have a lot of time in this process to guide you how to feel better today, but there are countless on here that do. Be proud of your time in recovery, it shows courage.
I am guessing from all that I have read that half of us either drank because it was fun until it wasn't or we were part of the other group that drank to mask and numb our pain. Unfortunately a painful avoidance tactic that only gives us more pain later down the road.
I have found that now that I'm sober that the only way I can work towards having the life I desire is to work on the issues that I have been avoiding and carrying for so long.
I believe now that while focusing on recovery and maintaining sobriety is critical - rebuilding my life and myself into someone that I can love again is key. The times where I haven't focused on working on myself led me back to numbing painful binges. And more disappointment, pain and further from where I envisioned myself in this short life.
I hope you feel better over time and I think all of us can support the sentiment that this journey is not for the faint of heart. Best of luck to you.
I am guessing from all that I have read that half of us either drank because it was fun until it wasn't or we were part of the other group that drank to mask and numb our pain. Unfortunately a painful avoidance tactic that only gives us more pain later down the road.
I have found that now that I'm sober that the only way I can work towards having the life I desire is to work on the issues that I have been avoiding and carrying for so long.
I believe now that while focusing on recovery and maintaining sobriety is critical - rebuilding my life and myself into someone that I can love again is key. The times where I haven't focused on working on myself led me back to numbing painful binges. And more disappointment, pain and further from where I envisioned myself in this short life.
I hope you feel better over time and I think all of us can support the sentiment that this journey is not for the faint of heart. Best of luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Just wondering if anyone else is going through the same thing as me?'
yes, there are.
but i think a much more important question you should ask is,
"what is a solution for it?"
i'll add to asking what youve been doing other than not drinking? any plan/program youve been following/working?
yes, there are.
but i think a much more important question you should ask is,
"what is a solution for it?"
i'll add to asking what youve been doing other than not drinking? any plan/program youve been following/working?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Albuquerque NM
Posts: 30
Hello Everyone,
First off, thank you for the comments. As far as what i mean by, "not much better." I still feel like I'm w/d everyday. A little more about me. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. I used alchohol to deal with it for many years. Going through as much as a gallon of whiskey/vodka a day. I quit cold turkey by waking up and saying enough is enough. As far as what I'm doing. I have not gone to meetings but I've been reading the big book. I work everyday and try to spend as much time with my kids and wife as I can. Sleep is better for sure but the impending sense of doom kills my momentum sometimes. I try to workout but usually have an anxiety attack b4 or after the workout. I sit at work and constantly feel like i'm going to panic or stroke out at my desk.
Scottie
First off, thank you for the comments. As far as what i mean by, "not much better." I still feel like I'm w/d everyday. A little more about me. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. I used alchohol to deal with it for many years. Going through as much as a gallon of whiskey/vodka a day. I quit cold turkey by waking up and saying enough is enough. As far as what I'm doing. I have not gone to meetings but I've been reading the big book. I work everyday and try to spend as much time with my kids and wife as I can. Sleep is better for sure but the impending sense of doom kills my momentum sometimes. I try to workout but usually have an anxiety attack b4 or after the workout. I sit at work and constantly feel like i'm going to panic or stroke out at my desk.
Scottie
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Scoot,
I drank hard, but you got me beat.
I had the same feelings you had and more.
I thought i was going to die when i quit. ..i didn't.
If you start again, it will be worse next time.
It took me over a year to start to settle down.
Now at 2 years, i am pretty normal...but dealing w the world clean is different.
While healing i chalked up awkward times to healing.
Now those times are simply awkward. I caught a little cold over the weekend, my jerky drunk buddy was making fun of me. Haha...what a friend.
Anyway...
Imo..everyone is different.
Recovery depends on a million variables.
Some folks feel great from day 1 and stay clean, others feel the same but relapse..
Other feel like hell for months and make it out...others don't.
Some need meds, some need counseling...
If we stay clean we heal. That is our only hope.
Thanks.
I drank hard, but you got me beat.
I had the same feelings you had and more.
I thought i was going to die when i quit. ..i didn't.
If you start again, it will be worse next time.
It took me over a year to start to settle down.
Now at 2 years, i am pretty normal...but dealing w the world clean is different.
While healing i chalked up awkward times to healing.
Now those times are simply awkward. I caught a little cold over the weekend, my jerky drunk buddy was making fun of me. Haha...what a friend.
Anyway...
Imo..everyone is different.
Recovery depends on a million variables.
Some folks feel great from day 1 and stay clean, others feel the same but relapse..
Other feel like hell for months and make it out...others don't.
Some need meds, some need counseling...
If we stay clean we heal. That is our only hope.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Albuquerque AA Meeting Schedule: Search Results
Why not at least give meetings and working the program a go? No one got fit by reading books about exercising, they needed to go and do the do. The same with recovery. We say working on our recovery for a reason, and that reason is that it takes some work. And it may also take some time. It rarely steals as much of our time as active drinking, or the anxiety that comes from white knucking sobriety does though. And when we're well-er the time we spend with our spouses and family can actually be quality time and good for all involved.
The recovery speakers are also a good resource... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/ I found that starting the day by listening to them on my commute and the same on the way home really helped.
BB
Why not at least give meetings and working the program a go? No one got fit by reading books about exercising, they needed to go and do the do. The same with recovery. We say working on our recovery for a reason, and that reason is that it takes some work. And it may also take some time. It rarely steals as much of our time as active drinking, or the anxiety that comes from white knucking sobriety does though. And when we're well-er the time we spend with our spouses and family can actually be quality time and good for all involved.
The recovery speakers are also a good resource... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/ I found that starting the day by listening to them on my commute and the same on the way home really helped.
BB
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Sc0ot3r2017 
I have been diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. I used alchohol to deal with it for many years.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hey Sc0ot3r2017 
I dunno about you but I drank for years...I know the recovery process is longer than we want it to be, and I know it feels like an eternity but sometimes 52 days is just...52 days.
You will feel better. Give it time. Have faith.
If you know you have anxiety and panic disorder why not see a MD about it?
D
I dunno about you but I drank for years...I know the recovery process is longer than we want it to be, and I know it feels like an eternity but sometimes 52 days is just...52 days.
You will feel better. Give it time. Have faith.
If you know you have anxiety and panic disorder why not see a MD about it?
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Hi Scottie
I am on day 3226 (that is 8 years 10 months). What can I offer you? Maybe some hope that it does get better.
Do you remember waking up in a panic because you didn't remember what you did the night before? Haven't done that in 52 days have you?
Do you remember waking up with head pounding, dreading the day ahead due to the massive hangover that enveloped you? Haven't had that in 52 days have you?
I held on to those two things day after day after day for the 1st year. Each night I went to bed and thanked God that I remembered everything I did that day, that I didn't hurt anyone, and that I would wake up sober the next morning. It helped me.
My life isn't fantastic today. Not drinking didn't make me lose those 35 pounds I packed on; I'm not a millionaire; and my dog still pees on the floor when left home alone too long. Not drinking didn't fix my life but what not drinking did do is allow me to control my life, the good, the bad and the ugly. Prior to 3226 days ago alcohol controlled everything I did. I like being in charge and who knows...maybe my dog will finally learn not to pee on rug! (I've given up on the millionaire thing!) Keep at it. You'll be happy you did.
I am on day 3226 (that is 8 years 10 months). What can I offer you? Maybe some hope that it does get better.
Do you remember waking up in a panic because you didn't remember what you did the night before? Haven't done that in 52 days have you?
Do you remember waking up with head pounding, dreading the day ahead due to the massive hangover that enveloped you? Haven't had that in 52 days have you?
I held on to those two things day after day after day for the 1st year. Each night I went to bed and thanked God that I remembered everything I did that day, that I didn't hurt anyone, and that I would wake up sober the next morning. It helped me.
My life isn't fantastic today. Not drinking didn't make me lose those 35 pounds I packed on; I'm not a millionaire; and my dog still pees on the floor when left home alone too long. Not drinking didn't fix my life but what not drinking did do is allow me to control my life, the good, the bad and the ugly. Prior to 3226 days ago alcohol controlled everything I did. I like being in charge and who knows...maybe my dog will finally learn not to pee on rug! (I've given up on the millionaire thing!) Keep at it. You'll be happy you did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Albuquerque NM
Posts: 30
Dee, Doggone,
Thank you for your replys. I do get seen for my anxiety and panic disorders. I go to counseling sessions for those. Thank you all for your replys and concern.
Scottie
Thank you for your replys. I do get seen for my anxiety and panic disorders. I go to counseling sessions for those. Thank you all for your replys and concern.
Scottie
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Is your diagnosis of the panic disorder and anxiety untreated? Meaning, are you taking medications or involved in therapy to help you gain better footing with these disorders? If you already posted about this, I do apologize.
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