Mizzuno

Your child is showing the only control he has in this situation. He may be fed up with the drinking and the ways that his parent behaves under the influence. He should not be bullying you but this behavior was learned somewhere? This is an opportunity for you to come to terms with how your drinking has affected your child and to make a change in your life and his.

If I were in your shoes, I would sit my child down and talk with him about my alcoholism and the negative consequences surrounding my behaviors while under the influence. I would let him know that I was getting sober immediately and that I was deeply sorry and regretful for anything that may have caused him harm. I would tell him that I love him and that I want him to see that I can and will do better with my own life and his. You should take every action possible to prove to yourself and him that you mean business.

Let him post it. He will have to deal with the embarrassment of his mother, himself and any other family members and friends who are close to all of you. He will see the damage that a video like this can cause. You will have to deal with the aftermath but getting sober NOW is the priority. I truly think sobriety is the one thing that your son wants for you and for him in his relationship with you. That night already happened and it cannot be erased.

(and....he would have already posted this video if he really wanted to. He is hurting. He is uncomfortable with your drinking. This is your responsibility to make it right with him and you.)

jaynie04

I agree Mizzuno, he sounds like he is hurting. I was that child and I understand how powerless and helpless it feels. What do you do when you are a child in that situation? In my opinion this video is the equivalent of him sending up a flare gun.

I wouldn't advocate condoning this under normal circumstances, but I would have used any leverage I had as a young teen to get through to my mother.

Something stood out to me in the OP. You mentioned not being able to string more than a few days together almost as a side note......it is not a side note. It is the main deal. It is hard to hold our kids to a code of conduct when we are coloring outside of the lines ourselves.

Whether he posts the video or not (and I agree with so many of the posters who believe he won't if you get sober) is a superfluous issue. Seriously. The person you most need to impress lives with you. Reading through my old threads helps me see behaviors and patterns that become evident over time. I would encourage you to perhaps do that.

fini

you could sit and watch it, over and over.
let it really sink in, instead of fending off a threat, let it sink in until you really get it.
until you understand this is you who is doing this.

what he does with it...ultimately out of your control.
but what YOU can get from it...priceless.

notgonnastoptry

Do not allow him to post this--there is no contest to show who can be the bigger person, and no, you can't just power through this. Some sorts of things are high stakes, and this could be one. I totally disagree with those who are saying, "so what; no biggie, it's time to come clean."

No, it isn't. Not to broader audience. Not to family who don't know and not to possible employers, etc.

you need to demand all of his things, computer included. Passwords, etc. Tell him if this blackmail does not stop, you will report him. you will prove nothing in allowing him to post these things.