MLD51

I agree that his endgame is probably a sober mom, and not really the car. It's a misguided, immature effort on his part to get through to you. I'm betting if you get some good sober time under your belt, the threat will disappear. And yes - I think you need some family counseling. And don't use his threats as an excuse to drink. I understand it's distressing, but your sobriety is first and foremost in this situation. The single best thing you can do is to get and stay sober. Everything else is secondary for right now.

Femaleboss1980

Ban him from all electronics and ground him you should not be being blackmailed by your child YOU ARE BOSS NOT HIM
If i treated my mum this way id never get away with it.

Get computer expecters to find and delete

OpenTuning

Just over a week ago you posted this: "Having caved in yet again, I have recognised that I appear to blame my son's behaviour for my drinking when, in fact, it is MY behaviour and MY decision-making that needs changing."

Is that still what you believe? Yes, blackmail is wrong and you could take some of the steps mentioned to try and wipe out the evidence and punish your son. Show him who's boss.

Or, you could perhaps consider that maybe your son is holding onto that video because he's seen you try, and fail, to quit drinking for 4 years, and presumably drink without trying to quit for some time before that, and this is the only way he can think of to try and make you stop. He may be acting like a cold-hearted blackmailer who wants a new car, but isn't it possible that's covering up what he really wants? A sober Mom?

Another vote here for family therapy.

48heath

Unfortunately when we drink, we have to take what comes with it.

tomsteve

you can do that, but that doesnt address your drinking problem.
i was completely ashamed and disgusted of my behavior when i was drinking,too.
now sober a while, i can look back and say,"yup, i did that. and probably more ya didnt see. i dont condone my behavior back then and am blessed to not be that man any more."

Forward12

I think you're overlooking that your out of control drinking is tearing HIM apart.
This sounds like a desperate cry for you to get your act together, as you've likely been tormenting him for years and years from your alcohol abuse.
It reminds me of the David Hasselhoff story that went viral a few years ago when his kids had it with his drinking, and posted a video of his drunken antics for the whole world to see. He later thanked them for saving his life.
David Hasselhoff: Loneliness drove me to drink but I was saved by the love of my daughters | Celebrity News | Showbiz & TV | Express.co.uk

I think you need to finally put the rubber to the road and get your act together. Go to AA every day, get into rehab, whatever it takes. Make yourself and your kid proud.

Outonthetiles

Let him post it, but take it as an opportunity to stop all drinking and work o the relationship. He can take it down when he calms down.

Mountainmanbob

Posting anything bad regarding another on the Web is one of the most dirty things a person can do.

Sounds like your drinking has gone way to far but, your son is being nasty and needs to grow up and should know better than to put family business on the Internet.

What a very sad blackmail.

M-Bob

Shitzupuppy

I think if the son had wanted to post it, he would have done so in the past 5 months.
He's a kid. He is powerless in this whole scenario. He's doing what he can to make changes.

AnvilheadII

he's HAD the darn video since December of last year and hasn't posted it yet, guys......if he was really the sinister blackmailer you paint here, it'd be up on YouTube already. remember this is a minor CHILD with an alcoholic mother who can't get more than 48-65 hours of sober time strung together. if you were that child, what might YOU try????

Ariesagain

I hear you..but he's not threatening her with posting it unless she gets help and stops drinking. He's using the threat of that videotape to get stuff he wants and plans to keep doing so until he gets his car, at least.

Is he plenty angry and justifiably so? No doubt. But it's not just about getting his mother sober, either.

Forward12

I think she needs to ask her son what he would rather have, a sober mom or a new car. I'm sure she will be surprised with the answer,...

BlissWithin

Stop giving stuff and let him post the video, by doing that you take away his power.

MrPL

If you sober up, soon you can probably laugh about your own video: two problems solved in one go!

Wish you the best with your recovery.

P

Dee74

I'm on the team that says the problem is not really your son or the video,
Icandothis.

Get sober - give it everything you have. leave no stone unturned.

Then you can deal with your son.

I see a lot of your son in the teenager I was - I suspect that what he really wants, and needs, is a sober mom?

D

soberandhonest

Yup. My vote is for "sober mom" and I'm guessing that he becomes "pretty darn good kid" once he gets his sober mom.

buk1000

Forget about the video. It sounds like if he really wants to blackmail you he won't have to wait long to record another embarrassing , drunken video. The only way to prevent this is to quit being drunk.

If you are serious about sobriety, this tape doesn't matter at all and shouldn't be a distraction from the real problem.

nme13

It is ironic I suppose that I am now on a sober recovery site and am relating to this post. My mom is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for 2 1/2 years (YAY!!!) My alcohol problems developed over the last year and I never thought after watching my mom go through her alcoholism that I would find myself struggling with risky drinking.

When my mom was at her worst, I took a video of her, not with the intent of "blackmailing" her, but rather to show her in the morning how much of an ass she was when she was drunk. Surprise, it didn't work, much like it probably wouldn't work if someone showed me a video of me acting like a fool when I drink too much. As FreeOwl said, get sober, and the video won't matter. I don't give a crap about that video anymore, or about the other times my mom was drunk and an ass. Not to say those times didn't suck, but I'm happy to have a sober mom now.

Use your energy to focus on you, and let your son do what he will. As someone who was on the other side of that at one point, kids do dumb things out of anger and frustration and to look for control when they can't seem to find control in their relationships with their parents.

GaryB1

It sounds like his desperation and worry over your drinking has turned to anger. Maybe he is giving you a small taste of the turmoil your drinking causes him, by threatening you with posting the video.
The last thing teenagers want, is for the world to see what a drunk their mother/ father is. So I think it is an empty threat to post it.
But that video must kill him inside when he watches it, as it must when he sees you drunk anytime. This video gives him back a little power over the powerlessness he must surely feel over your drinking.

Fly N Buy

In early sobriety I came across some 20 year old home movies. I had the (dis)pleasure of watching myself intoxicated at a family get together. The self centered bombastic behavior I witnessed was a time capsule back into another life. A grim reminder of who I was.

Your thread reminded me at the least there exists indisputable visual evidence of my self indulgent grostesque past. At best that guy still resides in the minds eye.

I am grateful today there are solutions and focus on those. Shadows of the past don't have to be visions of my future.