gatorman

Well said....

Stewy84

I feel totally done in, drank last night. This cannot continue. I feel really lost though and stuck. It's like I'm giving up.

I will have to get up and aim to be sober today, it's the only way to find peace

I'm sorry

tomsteve

hope ya realize sittin on your ass doin nothing isnt a good plan-the easiest,softest way doesnt work.
so, remind us why rehab isnt an option?
https://youtu.be/JjW5ygsyjTI

youve done that "aim to be sober" as a plan. stewy, if you dont stop screwin around, get off your ass and get into action, you aint gonna get sober.
quit screwin around with this self pity,poor me, crap. it aint helpin either. go look in the mirror RIGHT NOW -look into YOUR OWN EYES- and tell yourself what you are going to do to get sober

Sammy1980

Stewy84, You must want this so badly otherwise you would not be on this forum. You made it a day and a half before you gave in. Do it again and see if you can go two and a half keep trying. We have all been there. You seem like a very strong person because most people that continue to drink just don't post on here any longer . You have been totally honest about your drinking you deserve a badge just for that. So keep posting and keep trying.

Stewy84

I knew from the first can of this relapse it was a complete mistake to start up again and it's been carnage ever since.

I'm required to dig deep on this one, get that car out of the dirt track and moving again.

Coming up to lunch time gonna grab food and get back on with work

ScottFromWI

So when are you going to "dig deep" Stewy? Seems as though all you've been doing the last several weeks is drinking every day. You've had at least half dozen "day 1" proclamations in the last few week alone, and each time you are going to "dig deep" or "use your sheild" or "spend more time here". Yet each day you just do the same as you always have and drink after work.

Talk is cheap as they say....if you really want to quit you are going to have to take action in the form of going to meetings, seeing your doctor/therapist, checking into rehab options, or one of the many other things that has been suggested to you countless times. Are you willing to do that? If not don't expect a different outcome.

GetSmart

stewy, you keep giving in to cravings and temptations. that sucks, and while fighting cravings is a (winnable) battle, it certainly would be easier if you had no access to anything with alcohol. so I hope there is none in the house and that you somehow make sure that either you have no money in your wallet to buy some when those cravings hit or whatever it takes to deny you access even to the possibility of giving in to cravings. if you can't do that, it means you are not committed to sobriety, only to the idea of sobriety, always with the escape plan out the side door. put a lock on that door! I say this as a binger who fails week after week, but I know it is a hell of a lot easier to avoid drinking if there is nothing to drink and no way to get any

Delizadee

Stewy, have you ever said out loud to someone,

"I need help to stop drinking?"

You sound like you are dwelling in miserable shame, especially if you are doing it secretly.

You are giving your addiction ALL the power right now. Shine a light on it, to yourself and to someone else.
Have you thought about seeing a doctor, counselor, addictions counselor or going to a meeting of some sort?

Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?
You gotta make a choice to do the work to get sober. It's not going to fall into your lap.

I once thought that it would be easy to get and stay sober, like it was years ago for me when I did. I was wrong, after many frustrating relapses I realized I had to keep implementing new tools into my life to stay sober, until I used pretty much every one I had access to.

Nothing would change though until I made the choice to keep trying.
But it started off with the decision to get sober, and do whatever it took to get there and get off my arse and DO it.

rainyengland

Come on stewy ! You can do this!!

Yes it's difficult and horrendous at times but you got to do this ! It's a grave marked "Stewy" if you don't ! That what you want?

You gotta put some effort in though , we are all in same boat here - let's row together! Stewy Boat is a dinghy for one at present - that's tough going , join the SR boat !

No alcohol tonite - if you got it tip it in sink otherwise you'll be on here typing drunk again

We all believe you can do this !!

SoberLeigh

Pull out all the stops, Stewy.

Rev your engines and get sobriety started.

It's honestly time to stop messing around with this, Stewy.

Your life, your future, your health are all at stake here.

You are putting EVERYTHING at risk.

thomas11

You got quite a cheerleading squad Stewy. You know as well as the rest of us that there is no magic bullet here. Its a choice between grabbing that can of beer at the end of the day, or not grabbing that can of beer. One is much harder than the other for the alcoholic. I kind of come from the school of thought that in the early days, sobriety must be our #1 priority in our life. Absolutely nothing is more important (other than air and food). I hope you find your way bud.

SoberLeigh

How are you, Stewy?

Hevyn

We're behind you, Stewy - & always will be. There's no doubt you can do this.

CreativeThinker

SoberLeigh

Where are you, Stewy????

Stewy84

There is nothing for me to contribute today

CreativeThinker

Dee74

Hey Stewy - You're not the victim here.
It's not happening to you- you're bringing it all on yourself.

You're the one in control here - any time you want the carnage to stop, you can stop it.

It won't be easy and it's probably going to mean some pretty big changes...

but is your current way of life worth keeping?
I doubt it.

D

Stewy84

I'm just emptying my room of cans from the last few nights of carnage

It's not a pretty sight

Everyone is totally right, I've got to end this and take robust action with immediate effect starting now and continuing indefinitely.

I've got to start engaging in the reality of life and not keep looking to escape, my life isn't so ridiculously terrible that I have to drink poison just to get through.

My nephew is staying at our house at the minute and I'm going to my daughters school summer fair later, I've also got tickets to take my daughter to a gig on Sunday.

I'm posting here because I know that I must never ever drink again full stop- no moderating, no selecting certain "cheat days", no saying I'll quit tomorrow- it's all AV BS that has tricked me for as long as I can remember and I'm calling it out now because I want my life back.

AV wants me to come on here and lie about quitting, AV wants my drivers licence, job and family taken away, AV wants me to sit on the couch for hours in my room, wasting time away.

Time for me to get very real and serious about volleying this addiction crap into touch and pressing on with important matters like my family, relationships and job

Dee74

You've got the talk down Stewy - now it's well past time to show yourself how well you can walk the walk as well....

Get some support behind you.
Embrace change - at every level.

Chapter Two starts here - no takebacks, no buts, no delays.

Best wishes
D