I think BF might think this is a temporary sobriety..
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
I think it's not possible for someone who isn't an addict themselves to relate to the way we feel.
But I think it is possible to understand the concept of addiction and alcoholism. Lots of doctors and therapists have to understand it in order to help people like us so there are ways to understand how addiction works and why we can't ever drink again. Why no time of abstinence will reset our brains again.
Or if they can't understand then I think it's most important that they at least accept our decision to never drink again.
But I think it is possible to understand the concept of addiction and alcoholism. Lots of doctors and therapists have to understand it in order to help people like us so there are ways to understand how addiction works and why we can't ever drink again. Why no time of abstinence will reset our brains again.
Or if they can't understand then I think it's most important that they at least accept our decision to never drink again.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by BrendaChenowyth 
You misunderstand. A person who is not addicted can not understand addiction. If we place a high importance on trying to get the people we care about to understand this, and they are not addicts, we are fighting a losing battle and it can ruin us. We must let go of the need to make our loves ones understand us.
Yes, honesty and openness is imperative. But as far as getting him to understand? We may never understand this and you have ZERO control over this! That is what people mean when they say it's not important - they are saying that in the "pick your battles" sense.
Yes, honesty and openness is imperative. But as far as getting him to understand? We may never understand this and you have ZERO control over this! That is what people mean when they say it's not important - they are saying that in the "pick your battles" sense.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change (everyone else)
The courage to change the one person I can (me)
And the wisdom to know the difference.
To be fair to my partner, if he cannot grasp that I'm not suddenly going to be able to 'have just one or two' drinks, then neither can most doctors in my country. As long as he's not forcing me to drink, then I can (and have) manage my recovery despite his inability to grasp this as a fact. As time has gone on he has accepted my indefinite abstinence as something that I WANT to be so, rather than something that I NEED to be so, and that will do for me. I'm now just over 3 years sober.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
My husband didn't believe that I was done drinking for good at first either, partly because I had said the same thing in the past and ended up drinking again. However, as time passed he began to realize I wasn't planning to drink anymore, and no longer makes comments like "you can have a glass of wine." I am 16.5 months sober, and the majority of my family and friends no longer even ask if I would like anything alcoholic to drink.
Sobriety will become your new normal.
Sobriety will become your new normal.
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