Day one
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You need to be here more than ever Stewy. Going away to be alone is exactly what your addiction wants. Then it can talk you into feeling sorry for yourself and drinking again. You can't "outhink" addiction...you have to take action against it. Go to an AA meeting. Actively spend time here interacting and reading. Call the therapist you've been recommended by your doctor. That is what action is.
Regarding rehab, all of those reasons you listed for why you "can't" do it are exactly the reasons you need it. If you keep drinking you will most likely lose your job eventually, you almost did once already. And losing custody of a child is a very real possibility for an active drunk....don't think it can't happen to you too.
Maybe it's outpatient rehab, or counseling but saying you can't do it before you try is equivalent to saying you won't do it.
Regarding rehab, all of those reasons you listed for why you "can't" do it are exactly the reasons you need it. If you keep drinking you will most likely lose your job eventually, you almost did once already. And losing custody of a child is a very real possibility for an active drunk....don't think it can't happen to you too.
Maybe it's outpatient rehab, or counseling but saying you can't do it before you try is equivalent to saying you won't do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
stewy - it's interesting, this post of FULL of actions you COULD take to address your addiction, and punch it in the throat. and i know you are absorbing that. BUT your addiction is saying - well we don't need to be reading THIS right now, we should GO AWAY from this and "think" about this some more.
thinking is not your problem.
DOING is.
so what is Stew going to DO????
thinking is not your problem.
DOING is.
so what is Stew going to DO????
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Be careful not to over think it...you've made a good observation that your addiction hasn't been dealt with - but you'll only get to resolve that with action.
Going away to form a plan, or because you think you're not trustworthy is classic AV Stewy.
That part of you wants you alone and isolated and not actively talking any action.
It reckons it has a great chance of getting you back into his clutches.
Don't give it that chance.
More action is required - more support needed, more changes need to be made.
It's daunting, even scary - but it must be done....
ASAP.
D
Going away to form a plan, or because you think you're not trustworthy is classic AV Stewy.
That part of you wants you alone and isolated and not actively talking any action.
It reckons it has a great chance of getting you back into his clutches.
Don't give it that chance.
More action is required - more support needed, more changes need to be made.
It's daunting, even scary - but it must be done....
ASAP.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by OceanGuy 
I just read some of the responses that you rest of you guys offered. You're right about needing a solid plan. Pouring the beer out and hating alcohol isn't enough, therefore I am calling the Veteran's Administration and making an appointment for substance abuse counseling. Cinco De Drinko is as good a day to put my plan in to action as any. I'll follow up with everyone and report back how it goes.
I hope you get a plan too Stewy. You can do this!
I hope you get a plan too Stewy. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by Stewy84
I'm going to take a couple of days to read all the responses and information that I've been provided with since I relapsed and formulate a plan as in sit down and put pen to paper and structure things
I actually feel right now that I'm not a very trustworthy person to be posting on the forum, the addiction part of things is playing mind games and I'm not in the business of wasting good people's time whilst I'm wrestling with this.
Look back at the last few days posts, anyone can see it's like I'm making a decision one minute to stop drinking and then just caving in almost immediately. It's not fair to keep posting until I'm willing to do what is absolutely necessary to never drink again
I'm weak right now, I've lost my house and girlfriend and I'm just a bit low. I'm overweight and stressed out with my job. Not looking for sympathy by the way, just trying to document an honest appraisal of the situation.
I value this forum and the effort people go to in formulating responses, providing support and giving encouragement when needed. I also respect when people take a tough approach with advice- it is clear that this thing can be the end of the line for some people.
Tonight I just feel done in, in the 2.5 years I wasn't drinking, I came away from this forum but in the background I was binge eating 1000's calories per night of food. It's all the same stuff- addiction no more no less- still haven't addressed it.
I'm not able to go to rehab- it's not an option- I have my daughter, job and responsibility and I need to be addressing that as well as the addiction issues.
I think it's best if I just disappear for a day or 2, not because I'm bailing out, just so I can get perspective on this and not feel like I'm wasting people's time and good will.
I'm not a stupid person, but this addiction is making a fool of me and I don't like that.
I actually feel right now that I'm not a very trustworthy person to be posting on the forum, the addiction part of things is playing mind games and I'm not in the business of wasting good people's time whilst I'm wrestling with this.
Look back at the last few days posts, anyone can see it's like I'm making a decision one minute to stop drinking and then just caving in almost immediately. It's not fair to keep posting until I'm willing to do what is absolutely necessary to never drink again
I'm weak right now, I've lost my house and girlfriend and I'm just a bit low. I'm overweight and stressed out with my job. Not looking for sympathy by the way, just trying to document an honest appraisal of the situation.
I value this forum and the effort people go to in formulating responses, providing support and giving encouragement when needed. I also respect when people take a tough approach with advice- it is clear that this thing can be the end of the line for some people.
Tonight I just feel done in, in the 2.5 years I wasn't drinking, I came away from this forum but in the background I was binge eating 1000's calories per night of food. It's all the same stuff- addiction no more no less- still haven't addressed it.
I'm not able to go to rehab- it's not an option- I have my daughter, job and responsibility and I need to be addressing that as well as the addiction issues.
I think it's best if I just disappear for a day or 2, not because I'm bailing out, just so I can get perspective on this and not feel like I'm wasting people's time and good will.
I'm not a stupid person, but this addiction is making a fool of me and I don't like that.
This sounds like you are ready to just give in and not be accountable here, or anywhere. You know how good sobriety is because you had it. You have many things going for you in your life, try focusing on them.
You say you can't go to rehab, You also can't keep drinking. I hope you do take the time to sit down and formulate a plan. You can do this, and you need to do it for you.
❤Delilah
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Stewy, I also said over and over and over that I couldn't go to rehab. No way. Absolutely no way I could leave my two young sons, my house, my work, my life. I thought and thought about it but couldn't think of a way that it was possible to go away for a month without everything crashing down in my absence.
I kept relapsing over and over and everyone here stood by me through it all, never giving up on me, continuing to support me and offer suggestions like they are doing for you- and continuing to suggest rehab.
I finally realised that everything I wanted to "save" by not going to rehab was going to be taken from me anyway if I continued to drink- including and especially my kids.
So I managed to find a way. It was not at all easy. Not at all, but I did find a way to be away from my kids, my work, my house, my life for one month to go and get better. It was the best thing I ever did. In the interest of complete honesty, yes, I have had three relatively small relapses since leaving rehab, but I feel that going to rehab was the start of my serious and heartfelt work towards life-long sobriety. With the tools I learned in rehab and the support here I have been able to put a stop to those relapses and get right back at my sobriety. I would hope that rehab would send you on your way to complete abstinence, with no relapses to be had, but a minimum it teaches you the tools to deal with whatever comes up.
In rehab you will safely detox. You will then be surrounded by other people going through exactly what you are. You will have psychologists and counsellors at your disposal to talk to about your addiction and your problems with your ex girlfriend. You will meet with doctors to review your health and your nutrition. You will be fed a healthy diet and will not be able to binge on junk food. You may have the time and ability to start exercising. You will be given various medications to help with cravings, depression, anxiety and any other issues you may have, all under the daily and direct supervision of doctors specially trained in this. Most importantly you will NOT be able to drink under any circumstances and will get 30 days under your belt as a way to get started on this path.
I would whole heartedly recommend rehab to anyone, anyone. It was so great for me that in fact, a few months ago wen I had my last relapse, I called my psychologist at the rehab centre and asked if I could come back. i said I didn't think I needed a full 30 day stay, I had already quit again, but I felt depressed and wanted support. She said "this is not a hotel"
She reminded me of what I had been taught and set me up for an outpatient meeting. I continue to check in with her and the doctors there for extra support when I need it, they continue to give and are behind me all the way.
Just go Stewy. Find a way. Make it happen.
I kept relapsing over and over and everyone here stood by me through it all, never giving up on me, continuing to support me and offer suggestions like they are doing for you- and continuing to suggest rehab.
I finally realised that everything I wanted to "save" by not going to rehab was going to be taken from me anyway if I continued to drink- including and especially my kids.
So I managed to find a way. It was not at all easy. Not at all, but I did find a way to be away from my kids, my work, my house, my life for one month to go and get better. It was the best thing I ever did. In the interest of complete honesty, yes, I have had three relatively small relapses since leaving rehab, but I feel that going to rehab was the start of my serious and heartfelt work towards life-long sobriety. With the tools I learned in rehab and the support here I have been able to put a stop to those relapses and get right back at my sobriety. I would hope that rehab would send you on your way to complete abstinence, with no relapses to be had, but a minimum it teaches you the tools to deal with whatever comes up.
In rehab you will safely detox. You will then be surrounded by other people going through exactly what you are. You will have psychologists and counsellors at your disposal to talk to about your addiction and your problems with your ex girlfriend. You will meet with doctors to review your health and your nutrition. You will be fed a healthy diet and will not be able to binge on junk food. You may have the time and ability to start exercising. You will be given various medications to help with cravings, depression, anxiety and any other issues you may have, all under the daily and direct supervision of doctors specially trained in this. Most importantly you will NOT be able to drink under any circumstances and will get 30 days under your belt as a way to get started on this path.
I would whole heartedly recommend rehab to anyone, anyone. It was so great for me that in fact, a few months ago wen I had my last relapse, I called my psychologist at the rehab centre and asked if I could come back. i said I didn't think I needed a full 30 day stay, I had already quit again, but I felt depressed and wanted support. She said "this is not a hotel"
She reminded me of what I had been taught and set me up for an outpatient meeting. I continue to check in with her and the doctors there for extra support when I need it, they continue to give and are behind me all the way.Just go Stewy. Find a way. Make it happen.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 145
Stewy,
This is the first time I've replied to any of your posts. I was a bit afraid when you said you needed to go away from here for a few days. Seems to me every time you do that, your AV has a field day with you and you hit the drink. You need to stay CLOSE, right now. Analyze all you want, but POST, POST, POST
This is the first time I've replied to any of your posts. I was a bit afraid when you said you needed to go away from here for a few days. Seems to me every time you do that, your AV has a field day with you and you hit the drink. You need to stay CLOSE, right now. Analyze all you want, but POST, POST, POST
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Stewy, I had a 7 year old daughter and a lot of obligations when I went to rehab for a month. It was difficult because I had to farm out responsibilities to other people and I felt so grateful for people who helped me.
It was EXACTLY because it represented so much upheaval that I was forced to really look at where I was at in life. I could no longer minimize my drinking, rehab was a major event. It worked for me. I sought out help on my own and made the decision to go to rehab on my own.
In my opinion, our affliction is terminal if not addressed. Most people with a life threatening issue would check themselves into a hospital if they knew it would save their life.
It was because it was inconvenient, it was because it was expensive, it was because it was uncomfortable and strange, and although I could have left at any time, it was still an institution where what I did was monitored and regulated...... Every night when I go to bed sober I am grateful to be in my own bed, even after 4 years of sobriety!
rehab was a bucket of cold water in my face. My drinking was all about avoidance of being uncomfortable in any way and rehab and everything associated with it was strange and uncomfortable. But it woke me up. I hope you consider it, even if you have to move mountains.
It was EXACTLY because it represented so much upheaval that I was forced to really look at where I was at in life. I could no longer minimize my drinking, rehab was a major event. It worked for me. I sought out help on my own and made the decision to go to rehab on my own.
In my opinion, our affliction is terminal if not addressed. Most people with a life threatening issue would check themselves into a hospital if they knew it would save their life.
It was because it was inconvenient, it was because it was expensive, it was because it was uncomfortable and strange, and although I could have left at any time, it was still an institution where what I did was monitored and regulated...... Every night when I go to bed sober I am grateful to be in my own bed, even after 4 years of sobriety!
rehab was a bucket of cold water in my face. My drinking was all about avoidance of being uncomfortable in any way and rehab and everything associated with it was strange and uncomfortable. But it woke me up. I hope you consider it, even if you have to move mountains.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Look Stewy; I've done the same thing you are doing now. Like you, I'm a pretty smart person and know how to play people. I can go on and on how I man
Itipulated people to feel sorry for me. I actually enjoyed it cause I always got what I wanted and it helped reinforce my belief that this was as good as it could get. To me, it was just a game where I could out think others. I got all the attention I wanted, all the drugs I wanted. It helped me to feel superior to them cause I was able to get them to do what I wanted them to do. I had psychiatrists
provide drugs that I didn't need, family that felt sorry for me, etc. I thought I was pretty smart, but I was actually the idiot in the room. I didn't do anything to help myself like AA, SMART, cause that would mess up my excuses to feel sorry for myself. I think your doing the same thing. Eventually, the fun of manipulating people, including the good people here on SR wears off and reality hits. Eventually you will have to face yourself. John
Itipulated people to feel sorry for me. I actually enjoyed it cause I always got what I wanted and it helped reinforce my belief that this was as good as it could get. To me, it was just a game where I could out think others. I got all the attention I wanted, all the drugs I wanted. It helped me to feel superior to them cause I was able to get them to do what I wanted them to do. I had psychiatrists
provide drugs that I didn't need, family that felt sorry for me, etc. I thought I was pretty smart, but I was actually the idiot in the room. I didn't do anything to help myself like AA, SMART, cause that would mess up my excuses to feel sorry for myself. I think your doing the same thing. Eventually, the fun of manipulating people, including the good people here on SR wears off and reality hits. Eventually you will have to face yourself. John
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