Nearly 6 months sober and in a dark place
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London
Posts: 172
Nearly 6 months sober and in a dark place
Iam 34 and was drinking from about 13 years old. I have now been sober longer than any other adult period of my life...
I have made great steps forward I have lost 70lbs of wieght and looking better than I have in years. Iam mediating daily and practising yoga, I have these moments of peace that I never had drinking.
But my anxiety has been haunting me all the way it was really bad month four And has eased up but is always hovering under the surface it's making me feel that I will never enjoy my life to the fullest so what's the point. I look around at people living full lives going away and doing normal things and I feel envy. I feel I can't do that stuff sober. It's like I was miserable drinking and now feel trapped sober!!!
I have become a little OCD I think around food and times i must eat I know it's good to eat regularly and helps my recovery but when i don't eat at these times i think my blood sugar will drop and I get anxious, I also have had trouble on and off with swallowing food. I never had this whilst drinking so it's really annoying. It has got a little better.
When i was drinking I was relatively successful and sold a business 3 years ago and since then have not got my teeth into anything new. I spend a lot of time on my own at home as I dont work daily and I worry Iam becoming a bit of a hermit.
In a way my success has been a curse as I don't have that routine and company of being around others daily working. So Iam more isolated than others. I have set up an online business recently but again it's all done remotely.
I have also split up from my long term partner in October of 10 years even tho it was a toxic relationship I miss having her around. I have my daughter half the week but other than that Iam lonely and sober!
Iam finding the adjustment to sober life a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know it's still early days but I just want some hope that others have got through this and now live full lives. Is this just a stage of early recovery, will my anxiety get better the more sober time I have ?
God bless
Herc
I have made great steps forward I have lost 70lbs of wieght and looking better than I have in years. Iam mediating daily and practising yoga, I have these moments of peace that I never had drinking.
But my anxiety has been haunting me all the way it was really bad month four And has eased up but is always hovering under the surface it's making me feel that I will never enjoy my life to the fullest so what's the point. I look around at people living full lives going away and doing normal things and I feel envy. I feel I can't do that stuff sober. It's like I was miserable drinking and now feel trapped sober!!!
I have become a little OCD I think around food and times i must eat I know it's good to eat regularly and helps my recovery but when i don't eat at these times i think my blood sugar will drop and I get anxious, I also have had trouble on and off with swallowing food. I never had this whilst drinking so it's really annoying. It has got a little better.
When i was drinking I was relatively successful and sold a business 3 years ago and since then have not got my teeth into anything new. I spend a lot of time on my own at home as I dont work daily and I worry Iam becoming a bit of a hermit.
In a way my success has been a curse as I don't have that routine and company of being around others daily working. So Iam more isolated than others. I have set up an online business recently but again it's all done remotely.
I have also split up from my long term partner in October of 10 years even tho it was a toxic relationship I miss having her around. I have my daughter half the week but other than that Iam lonely and sober!
Iam finding the adjustment to sober life a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know it's still early days but I just want some hope that others have got through this and now live full lives. Is this just a stage of early recovery, will my anxiety get better the more sober time I have ?
God bless
Herc
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 62
Not sure what t say, someone with more experience will be along soon and I didn't want to read and run.
But 2 things stick out at me - 1 is your anxiety, see your gp or someone get some help. You've identified it's a problem for you, be brave and take the next step.
The other thing is that you don't have a routine, I think this is important for anyone in life (regardless of anything else) can you get even part time work, to get you up & out? This would help. What about volunteering somewhere?
Best of luck, someone with more advice on this will soon be here, I'm not as far along as you so don't know what to else to say about the sober path timescales.
Well done on 6 months wtg
But 2 things stick out at me - 1 is your anxiety, see your gp or someone get some help. You've identified it's a problem for you, be brave and take the next step.
The other thing is that you don't have a routine, I think this is important for anyone in life (regardless of anything else) can you get even part time work, to get you up & out? This would help. What about volunteering somewhere?
Best of luck, someone with more advice on this will soon be here, I'm not as far along as you so don't know what to else to say about the sober path timescales.
Well done on 6 months wtg
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Hercules 
Iam 34 and was drinking from about 13 years old. I have now been sober longer than any other adult period of my life...
I have made great steps forward I have lost 70lbs of wieght and looking better than I have in years. Iam mediating daily and practising yoga, I have these moments of peace that I never had drinking.
But my anxiety has been haunting me all the way it was really bad month four And has eased up but is always hovering under the surface it's making me feel that I will never enjoy my life to the fullest so what's the point. I look around at people living full lives going away and doing normal things and I feel envy. I feel I can't do that stuff sober. It's like I was miserable drinking and now feel trapped sober!!!
I have become a little OCD I think around food and times i must eat I know it's good to eat regularly and helps my recovery but when i don't eat at these times i think my blood sugar will drop and I get anxious, I also have had trouble on and off with swallowing food. I never had this whilst drinking so it's really annoying. It has got a little better.
When i was drinking I was relatively successful and sold a business 3 years ago and since then have not got my teeth into anything new. I spend a lot of time on my own at home as I dont work daily and I worry Iam becoming a bit of a hermit.
In a way my success has been a curse as I don't have that routine and company of being around others daily working. So Iam more isolated than others. I have set up an online business recently but again it's all done remotely.
I have also split up from my long term partner in October of 10 years even tho it was a toxic relationship I miss having her around. I have my daughter half the week but other than that Iam lonely and sober!
Iam finding the adjustment to sober life a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know it's still early days but I just want some hope that others have got through this and now live full lives. Is this just a stage of early recovery, will my anxiety get better the more sober time I have ?
God bless
Herc
I have made great steps forward I have lost 70lbs of wieght and looking better than I have in years. Iam mediating daily and practising yoga, I have these moments of peace that I never had drinking.
But my anxiety has been haunting me all the way it was really bad month four And has eased up but is always hovering under the surface it's making me feel that I will never enjoy my life to the fullest so what's the point. I look around at people living full lives going away and doing normal things and I feel envy. I feel I can't do that stuff sober. It's like I was miserable drinking and now feel trapped sober!!!
I have become a little OCD I think around food and times i must eat I know it's good to eat regularly and helps my recovery but when i don't eat at these times i think my blood sugar will drop and I get anxious, I also have had trouble on and off with swallowing food. I never had this whilst drinking so it's really annoying. It has got a little better.
When i was drinking I was relatively successful and sold a business 3 years ago and since then have not got my teeth into anything new. I spend a lot of time on my own at home as I dont work daily and I worry Iam becoming a bit of a hermit.
In a way my success has been a curse as I don't have that routine and company of being around others daily working. So Iam more isolated than others. I have set up an online business recently but again it's all done remotely.
I have also split up from my long term partner in October of 10 years even tho it was a toxic relationship I miss having her around. I have my daughter half the week but other than that Iam lonely and sober!
Iam finding the adjustment to sober life a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know it's still early days but I just want some hope that others have got through this and now live full lives. Is this just a stage of early recovery, will my anxiety get better the more sober time I have ?
God bless
Herc
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Hi Herc,
Congratulations on 6 months...that's huge and something to be proud of. How did you loose the 70lbs (yet another huge accomplishment!)?
I can relate to you on 2 accounts, anxiety and feeling isolated. My DH and I have a business and we've been successful enough to not have to worry about income while we rebuild the business. Hence, we have very little interaction with people outside of our accountant and a few other business colleagues. Our offices are located here at our home and our schedules are extremely flexible.
I've found that keeping as much structure in each day helps. I.E. Get a good workout in first thing in the morning, work from a to-do list, schedule tasks for certain days of the week... Still, it's tough because we're home most days and rarely around other people. I've thought about going to some AA meetings...have you?
As for the anxiety, working out helps me a lot. Another resource I have is a therapist. I always feel a sense of relief after a visit and the sessions give me something to look forward to. This week I'm scheduling an appointment for a message as well. It's been a long time since I've had one and I always feel amazing after a session. If you've exhausted all of your resources and you're still feeling anxious, why not see your doctor? There's nothing wrong with taking medications that might help to level you out.
Anyway...that's my 2 cents. Hope you feel better soon. Again, congratulations on 6 months!
Congratulations on 6 months...that's huge and something to be proud of. How did you loose the 70lbs (yet another huge accomplishment!)?
I can relate to you on 2 accounts, anxiety and feeling isolated. My DH and I have a business and we've been successful enough to not have to worry about income while we rebuild the business. Hence, we have very little interaction with people outside of our accountant and a few other business colleagues. Our offices are located here at our home and our schedules are extremely flexible.
I've found that keeping as much structure in each day helps. I.E. Get a good workout in first thing in the morning, work from a to-do list, schedule tasks for certain days of the week... Still, it's tough because we're home most days and rarely around other people. I've thought about going to some AA meetings...have you?
As for the anxiety, working out helps me a lot. Another resource I have is a therapist. I always feel a sense of relief after a visit and the sessions give me something to look forward to. This week I'm scheduling an appointment for a message as well. It's been a long time since I've had one and I always feel amazing after a session. If you've exhausted all of your resources and you're still feeling anxious, why not see your doctor? There's nothing wrong with taking medications that might help to level you out.
Anyway...that's my 2 cents. Hope you feel better soon. Again, congratulations on 6 months!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Hi Hercules. Congrats on 6 months sober! That's awesome. Reading your post I think that it is your Addictive Voice that's telling you life can't be lived to it's fullest sober. It's also your addiction that's causing you your anxiety. Both are classic AV attempts to undermine your confidence in your decision to quit drinking. Just recognize those thoughts as your addiction lying to you. You yourself also said in your post that you have moments of peace, that's the real you. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hey Herc
6 months is awesome
do you think you're hanging on a little to that date thing that didn't turn out, maybe?
There's absolutely no reason why your life won't be as happy and as peaceful as joyous as anyone else here...but sometimes it takes a little while to heal from a lifetime of self abuse.
This is not the best things are going to get - things may look a lot different at a year...but I think you deserve to stop and pat yourself on the back for 6 months well done
D
6 months is awesome
do you think you're hanging on a little to that date thing that didn't turn out, maybe?
There's absolutely no reason why your life won't be as happy and as peaceful as joyous as anyone else here...but sometimes it takes a little while to heal from a lifetime of self abuse.
This is not the best things are going to get - things may look a lot different at a year...but I think you deserve to stop and pat yourself on the back for 6 months well done
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Six months is incredible. Well done.
If I can just put in my 2 cents from my own experience ... I developed some anxiety once sober. Especially around the 6 month mark due to moving countries, transferring my job and working in a new environment, I had some bouts of social anxiety that worried me.
Apparently it is not uncommon as drinking can mask underlying anxiety and I believe that's what was the case with me. I dealt with it systematically. Folks on SR suggested deep breathing exercises - these have been great. I exercise regularly (cardio exercise, like running) and it helps immensely. I also avoid caffeine when situations arise that trigger anxiety, such as public speaking. My anxiety is much better now, but if you have concerns why not see a doctor or counsellor?
Great job on the weight loss! I also became a bit OCD on the diet and exercise front. I connected my recovery with my diet and exercise regimen and felt if I deviated from eating well and exercising it would jeopardise my recovery. After some time I relaxed and found confidence in my sobriety without relying on the diet and exercise. This was around the 7-8 month mark.
So my experience is that it all evens off a bit. Six months is just an amazing achievement and you have done incredibly well.
If I can just put in my 2 cents from my own experience ... I developed some anxiety once sober. Especially around the 6 month mark due to moving countries, transferring my job and working in a new environment, I had some bouts of social anxiety that worried me.
Apparently it is not uncommon as drinking can mask underlying anxiety and I believe that's what was the case with me. I dealt with it systematically. Folks on SR suggested deep breathing exercises - these have been great. I exercise regularly (cardio exercise, like running) and it helps immensely. I also avoid caffeine when situations arise that trigger anxiety, such as public speaking. My anxiety is much better now, but if you have concerns why not see a doctor or counsellor?
Great job on the weight loss! I also became a bit OCD on the diet and exercise front. I connected my recovery with my diet and exercise regimen and felt if I deviated from eating well and exercising it would jeopardise my recovery. After some time I relaxed and found confidence in my sobriety without relying on the diet and exercise. This was around the 7-8 month mark.
So my experience is that it all evens off a bit. Six months is just an amazing achievement and you have done incredibly well.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
Well congrats on the 70 pounds and the 6 months sober. I noticed for me that as I got more and more healthy and moved into firmer sobriety, I stopped "settling" so much. I want more out of life.
Like you I see folks with full lives and activities and I think "I want that too".
Have you thought about a pet? Or as others have said volunteering or AA meetings to meet folks. Good for you on the yoga, maybe a class? Learn to cook? You do need routine, but also to step outside yourself.
Like you I see folks with full lives and activities and I think "I want that too".
Have you thought about a pet? Or as others have said volunteering or AA meetings to meet folks. Good for you on the yoga, maybe a class? Learn to cook? You do need routine, but also to step outside yourself.
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