Beginning a new quit (day 2 today)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: South West England
Posts: 17
Beginning a new quit (day 2 today)
Hi everyone
I joined SR in December 2015 with the intention of finally facing my alcohol addiction. I managed only three or four days before caving and continuing as before. In the time since, I've had a number of occasions that I've tried again (always after a heavy one - the kind that leave you laying in bed the following morning, anxious and sick and terrified) but I can never get past the three/four day mark. I'm 29 and have been drinking heavily for about 12 years now. My current level of usage has now escalated to about three bottles of wine a day (it kills me to have to admit to that).
I've done so much reading on this site and I'm hoping that with a greater amount of knowledge I'll now have a better-equipped approach to kicking this destructive, insidious disease. I've read about AV and urge surfing. I've read countless accounts from fellow posters which I identify with so much. I've read about making a plan: to this point, I've been too afraid to attend an AA meeting. I'm so anxious about walking into my first meeting, and about the likelihood of letting people down even if I did go. I'm too scared to make any kind of commitment in my life in general. I am terrible with keeping appointments and sticking to my word, which is largely a social side effect of the alcohol I suppose; making promises when drunk and emboldened, then wondering why I made such a commitment when sober, or just plain forgetting I'd made it at all. The bottom line is I don't trust myself to see anything through. This destroys my self-esteem. I suffer with depression and anxiety, and lately I've been seriously struggling to stand living with myself.
Anyway, there is an AA meeting on Sunday at 7:30pm (UK time) in the building right next to where I live. I've known about this since I joined SR in December 2015, and I've even walked past it whilst it's being held, but I've never been able to encourage myself to go in. Crazy hey? I really want to go this Sunday. I've said this so many times; I'm just going to have to get up and go. It's literally a 10 second walk from my front door! It couldn't be any more convenient!
I've read the first four chapters of the AA Big Book. I would describe myself as an atheist, but I do feel spiritual despite being unable to describe exactly what it is I believe. I believe in *something* - that's the best I can come up with for now. I like the idea of the 12 step programme as something that can be worked on and implemented into a new, sober life, so I would really like to give it a go. Just got to get over these damn nerves!
I'm on day two today. I felt so awful yesterday and to choose to go there again would surely be madness.
Thank you for reading!
I joined SR in December 2015 with the intention of finally facing my alcohol addiction. I managed only three or four days before caving and continuing as before. In the time since, I've had a number of occasions that I've tried again (always after a heavy one - the kind that leave you laying in bed the following morning, anxious and sick and terrified) but I can never get past the three/four day mark. I'm 29 and have been drinking heavily for about 12 years now. My current level of usage has now escalated to about three bottles of wine a day (it kills me to have to admit to that).
I've done so much reading on this site and I'm hoping that with a greater amount of knowledge I'll now have a better-equipped approach to kicking this destructive, insidious disease. I've read about AV and urge surfing. I've read countless accounts from fellow posters which I identify with so much. I've read about making a plan: to this point, I've been too afraid to attend an AA meeting. I'm so anxious about walking into my first meeting, and about the likelihood of letting people down even if I did go. I'm too scared to make any kind of commitment in my life in general. I am terrible with keeping appointments and sticking to my word, which is largely a social side effect of the alcohol I suppose; making promises when drunk and emboldened, then wondering why I made such a commitment when sober, or just plain forgetting I'd made it at all. The bottom line is I don't trust myself to see anything through. This destroys my self-esteem. I suffer with depression and anxiety, and lately I've been seriously struggling to stand living with myself.
Anyway, there is an AA meeting on Sunday at 7:30pm (UK time) in the building right next to where I live. I've known about this since I joined SR in December 2015, and I've even walked past it whilst it's being held, but I've never been able to encourage myself to go in. Crazy hey? I really want to go this Sunday. I've said this so many times; I'm just going to have to get up and go. It's literally a 10 second walk from my front door! It couldn't be any more convenient!
I've read the first four chapters of the AA Big Book. I would describe myself as an atheist, but I do feel spiritual despite being unable to describe exactly what it is I believe. I believe in *something* - that's the best I can come up with for now. I like the idea of the 12 step programme as something that can be worked on and implemented into a new, sober life, so I would really like to give it a go. Just got to get over these damn nerves!
I'm on day two today. I felt so awful yesterday and to choose to go there again would surely be madness.
Thank you for reading!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Boise, Idaho, USA
Posts: 61
Insanity is repeating the same thong over and over and expecting a different result. You are right, it would be madness.
You know AA is not the only program out there. Off the cuff I can think of SMART Recovery as well which does not have a spirituality element that I am aware of. I am not sure if it is your area but might be something to consider if you want. Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
For me right now I am giving being active here a shot and see if that is enough, everyone is different.
You know AA is not the only program out there. Off the cuff I can think of SMART Recovery as well which does not have a spirituality element that I am aware of. I am not sure if it is your area but might be something to consider if you want. Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
For me right now I am giving being active here a shot and see if that is enough, everyone is different.
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