The more events I think about not drinking at, the more I don't want to do this.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You can still participate in all of those things you mentioned as a non-drinker. There are already plenty of non-drinkers attending - and most of them aren't alcoholics, they just don't drink. The idea that "drinking = fun" is pure addiction talking. And look how quickly it makes you forget....the post you wrote yesterday and then this one today are almost as if they were written by 2 different people.
Is it a difficult choice at first to give up drinking? Yes, absolutely. Will things be different as a non-drinker? Yes, Absolutely. But it's also patently false that you can't have fun or do things as a non-drinker. There are people who don't drink because of their religion or culture. Others don't drink because they don't like the way it makes them feel.
You already have overwhelming evidence of the wreckage that will be left behind if you drink - that will never change. Now you just have to decide which path you want to take, right?
Is it a difficult choice at first to give up drinking? Yes, absolutely. Will things be different as a non-drinker? Yes, Absolutely. But it's also patently false that you can't have fun or do things as a non-drinker. There are people who don't drink because of their religion or culture. Others don't drink because they don't like the way it makes them feel.
You already have overwhelming evidence of the wreckage that will be left behind if you drink - that will never change. Now you just have to decide which path you want to take, right?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Nikka, fear of missing out is what kept me drinking for many years. I knew long ago I didn't drink like others - but I tried to make it work because I couldn't imagine sober holidays, vacations, events of any kind. Now I realize how twisted that way of thinking was. Did I need to be fuzzy & numb to enjoy myself? How could reality & coherence be something to avoid in favor of being hammered? Did I have to be in an altered state to have fun? I justified my drinking for decades & damaged myself almost beyond repair. Don't do it. (Said with love and concern.)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I remember that well. All the "missing out". All the "not being cool". All the "not having any fun".
Looking back, it's hilarious how married to alcohol I really was. How in control of my life.
As it turns out, I'm not missing out on anything but hangovers and consequences and pain and suffering and misery - brought on by alcohol.
Looking back, it's hilarious how married to alcohol I really was. How in control of my life.
As it turns out, I'm not missing out on anything but hangovers and consequences and pain and suffering and misery - brought on by alcohol.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
For what it's worth, things I've done since I quit drinking - and had a blast!!!
danced late night at a wedding
danced late night new year's eve
two four-day Sonic Bloom (electronica) festivals
other smaller festivals
concerts at Red Rocks
performed in bars and restaurants (musician)
tons of concerts in bars, theaters, the Fillmore...
camping
jamming with folks while they're drinking and/or getting high
birthday parties
BBQ's
days at the lake
and the list goes on. It's an adjustment, but believe me, the fun is not over, and in many ways I'm having as much if not more fun than ever. No lie.
danced late night at a wedding
danced late night new year's eve
two four-day Sonic Bloom (electronica) festivals
other smaller festivals
concerts at Red Rocks
performed in bars and restaurants (musician)
tons of concerts in bars, theaters, the Fillmore...
camping
jamming with folks while they're drinking and/or getting high
birthday parties
BBQ's
days at the lake
and the list goes on. It's an adjustment, but believe me, the fun is not over, and in many ways I'm having as much if not more fun than ever. No lie.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Yes, take it one day at a time. Don't let your mind race ahead. When events like those you mentioned come up, make specific plans for them. With some sober time under your belt, doing that will be easier.
This is a process, as SW said. It's a process you MUST take seriously if you want to reclaim your life and maximise the potential within you. In your mind's eye, see that person you want to be. The person who has her kit together, the person with a great loving relationship, the person who has deep happiness within...
The rewards are so much greater than what our AV tells us we are missing out on.
This is a process, as SW said. It's a process you MUST take seriously if you want to reclaim your life and maximise the potential within you. In your mind's eye, see that person you want to be. The person who has her kit together, the person with a great loving relationship, the person who has deep happiness within...
The rewards are so much greater than what our AV tells us we are missing out on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 119
Originally Posted by MrMcTell 
This is for you and your doctor to decide, but it seems to me this cycle is part of being physically dependent on alcohol. It seems to me lots of people who in this stage of alcoholism have difficulty getting past 3 or 4 days because this is when their bodies say "Hmmmm.... That was a nice little detox but WHERE'S MY EFFING ALCOHOL!!???"
.
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Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 119
Hi Nikki,
I can relate to those thoughts! It's the romancing of the drink. The reality is usually not as good as we anticipate with drinking. It is expensive, we get hangovers or do something embarrassing or can't even remember the event the next day and often we feel sick and humiliated the day after. . It would be so lovely if we were people who could go for dinner or drinks in New York, have one or two glasses of wine during the dinner, and then stop. I don't know about you, but that is not me. I have one or two glasses of wine, then I want to keep going and going and going. And it is not so fun as I thought it would be.
Your plan to not think about all the events is a good one. Just go one day, and one event at a time.
I can relate to those thoughts! It's the romancing of the drink. The reality is usually not as good as we anticipate with drinking. It is expensive, we get hangovers or do something embarrassing or can't even remember the event the next day and often we feel sick and humiliated the day after. . It would be so lovely if we were people who could go for dinner or drinks in New York, have one or two glasses of wine during the dinner, and then stop. I don't know about you, but that is not me. I have one or two glasses of wine, then I want to keep going and going and going. And it is not so fun as I thought it would be.
Your plan to not think about all the events is a good one. Just go one day, and one event at a time.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Seems to be a common fear in threads today 
I can only reoiterate - noone would stay sober if they felt they lost out on the deal.
My life is richer fuller and more satisfying now that it ever was for me as a drinker.
I know peace and happiness now...never knew either as a drinker.
I've reconnected with the real me again. I like who I am and I love my life.
All I had to do to gain all this was give up alcohol
Don't let the fear rule you - you can do this nikkibean
I can only reoiterate - noone would stay sober if they felt they lost out on the deal.
My life is richer fuller and more satisfying now that it ever was for me as a drinker.
I know peace and happiness now...never knew either as a drinker.
I've reconnected with the real me again. I like who I am and I love my life.
All I had to do to gain all this was give up alcohol
Don't let the fear rule you - you can do this nikkibean
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Lots of good points here - I hope you give them serious consideration then acceptance.
I'll just add....my soon to be fiance says that at our first lunch last summer (we dated in high school so fast forward a couple decades to our reuniting!) I said to him "everything's better sober." He told me he didn't quite believe me, but he wanted to know more. He was a month sober, and I was just past five months. He told me this little snippet around his six month mark - adding that he had become completely convinced that I was right.
Now, we talk about this a lot- everything is absolutely better sober. Problems, celebrations, daily life - and we've been through all major holidays so far, his daughter's hospitalization after self-harm, celebrating my one year, problems with his ex-wife, LIFE.....sober. And happy, and grateful.
I can tell you absolutely that I wouldn't trade my life now for my drinking life - and the freedom I have to go and do, and choose and have fun .... pretty much endless.
Good luck.
I'll just add....my soon to be fiance says that at our first lunch last summer (we dated in high school so fast forward a couple decades to our reuniting!) I said to him "everything's better sober." He told me he didn't quite believe me, but he wanted to know more. He was a month sober, and I was just past five months. He told me this little snippet around his six month mark - adding that he had become completely convinced that I was right.
Now, we talk about this a lot- everything is absolutely better sober. Problems, celebrations, daily life - and we've been through all major holidays so far, his daughter's hospitalization after self-harm, celebrating my one year, problems with his ex-wife, LIFE.....sober. And happy, and grateful.
I can tell you absolutely that I wouldn't trade my life now for my drinking life - and the freedom I have to go and do, and choose and have fun .... pretty much endless.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
I used to get ready for events such as you described with butterflies in my stomach. Doing my hair, makeup, nails and then walking out the door in high heels praying that it would be a "good night". i have heard it called 'getting dressed up to get messed up". In retrospect, what do people remember? How wonderful you looked at the beginning of the evening or the mascara streaked, lost evening bag wreck who just fell down the stairs? It is human nature that most people will remember the latter more than the former.
The first year I reigned social events in significantly. it was like being a newborn and I had to learn to operate in a drinking world as a non-drinker. Eventually I started to reenter the social world but always with an exit plan and i did not attend anything that made me feel resentful and deprived. I could die from alcohol addiction.....not attending events that would put me at risk was as important as taking life saving medication.
It got easier and easier and now, for the most part, the alcohol part of most events simply doesn't bother me. I know I won't say the wrong thing, I can drive anywhere at anytime, I can wear 4" heels and know that I can navigate any terrain...
.....
Sobriety is not about deprivation, it is all about liberation. my friends still want me in their company and I have reacquainted myself with who I really am. When you know you have a problem and still continue to drink, you are simply prolonging the agony and making the climb back up harder and harder.
The first year I reigned social events in significantly. it was like being a newborn and I had to learn to operate in a drinking world as a non-drinker. Eventually I started to reenter the social world but always with an exit plan and i did not attend anything that made me feel resentful and deprived. I could die from alcohol addiction.....not attending events that would put me at risk was as important as taking life saving medication.
It got easier and easier and now, for the most part, the alcohol part of most events simply doesn't bother me. I know I won't say the wrong thing, I can drive anywhere at anytime, I can wear 4" heels and know that I can navigate any terrain...
.....Sobriety is not about deprivation, it is all about liberation. my friends still want me in their company and I have reacquainted myself with who I really am. When you know you have a problem and still continue to drink, you are simply prolonging the agony and making the climb back up harder and harder.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Im excited now to plan things, do them and remember everything. I am not missing out on anything - quite the opposite!!! Two weeks ago I danced at a fundraising event - Id had a coffee and sparkling water, felt fantastic, laughed and had an absolute blast!!!! Went to see Radiohead - sober - absolutely perfect, will be one of the best evenings in my life to date.
May 15 I will be 14 months sober.
As sober time goes by, your brain changes. You change. It has been an epiphany of epic proportions for me, and I am happy, grateful. You can have this too!!!
It is a leap of faith to trust us on this - but please do.
May 15 I will be 14 months sober.
As sober time goes by, your brain changes. You change. It has been an epiphany of epic proportions for me, and I am happy, grateful. You can have this too!!!
It is a leap of faith to trust us on this - but please do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
It is hard to miss out on an event while sober but you can certainly " miss out" on the event while drinking. I think it's all on how you choose to look at this. If you let your thoughts of drinking alcohol dictate these events, you may end up regretting. Life can be enjoyed with intoxication. It is true.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I go to all kinds of events as a non-drinker. Totally not a big deal. But it WAS a big deal in the beginning.
I did not attend many events for the first year. After that I was cautious. It took time.
Try some techniques. Go with a non-drinking buddy. Have an exit plan. Always be able to leave on your own when you need to leave. Because, sometimes, you just have to get the H out of there. Be prepared to explain why you are declining drinks. Ask your hostess to supply you with non-alcoholic beverages. Share your sober journey with close friends for support. If you still feel nervous having all these things in place, skip the event. There will be more weddings, clubs, bars, events next year. Always.
The reason the wedding was such a powerful scene in 28 days are that they are emotional mine fields , for everyone. More so for a drinker, and double that for the person in recovery.
I did not attend many events for the first year. After that I was cautious. It took time.
Try some techniques. Go with a non-drinking buddy. Have an exit plan. Always be able to leave on your own when you need to leave. Because, sometimes, you just have to get the H out of there. Be prepared to explain why you are declining drinks. Ask your hostess to supply you with non-alcoholic beverages. Share your sober journey with close friends for support. If you still feel nervous having all these things in place, skip the event. There will be more weddings, clubs, bars, events next year. Always.
The reason the wedding was such a powerful scene in 28 days are that they are emotional mine fields , for everyone. More so for a drinker, and double that for the person in recovery.
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