Nikkabean326

A wedding, a ball game, Memorial Day weekend, the whole summer, a wedding in October where I'll be a bridesmaid...

I had a hard time falling asleep last night thinking about all of the events I was going to "miss out" on. Isn't alcohol a funny thing like that?

When I was asked to be a bridesmaid at my friends wedding this October I was ecstatic. I've never been a bridesmaid before! There's a lot of responsibility that comes with being a part of a wedding party. I keep having visions of Sandra Bullock driving around drunk off her rocker and looking for a "cake store" because she smashed her sisters cake. It's not something I ever think I would do.. but with Ms. Chard I could do anything.

And just like that - I've added another event to my list in June. Just got a text message from a friend saying she bought a Groupon for rooftop dining in New York City complete with dinner, drinks and music. Sigh.

I spoke a bit about Mr. Guilt hanging around yesterday. Guilt for drinking so much Saturday night, and guilt for nearly getting into a huge fight with my boyfriend. Guilt for not going to work yesterday because I just felt too drained from my hangover on Sunday. Mr. Guilt is subsiding at this point. I'm at work, no one is mad at me, friends are still making plans with me and I had a nice relaxing evening with my boyfriend. This is when it gets dangerous. The normal cycle is to not drink for a couple of days, then like clockwork I end up picking up a bottle on Thursday and basically the drinking goes on every night until Saturday. Sunday is spent hungover. Monday I may or may not go to work depending on how wretched I feel from the weekend.

I forget who it was that commented on another thread and said this, but the idea of not drinking forever is just too much, so I'm going to take it one day at a time.

So, today is Tuesday and I will not drink.

Thanks for listening, guys.

biminiblue

After a few non-drinking events it becomes obvious that not drinking is the better choice.

At some point you'll have to make the choice. You already know moderation doesn't work for you.

Watch other people when they drink. They either have one or two and quit or they get stupid. I don't know which category you would prefer, but since I couldn't reliably predict which way it would go for me, the obvious choice was to do the much easier thing and just not pick up that first drink.

It's the first one I have to avoid. Everything is better on this side.

MrMcTell

This is for you and your doctor to decide, but it seems to me this cycle is part of being physically dependent on alcohol. It seems to me lots of people who in this stage of alcoholism have difficulty getting past 3 or 4 days because this is when their bodies say "Hmmmm.... That was a nice little detox but WHERE'S MY EFFING ALCOHOL!!???"

I was stuck in this kind of binge cycle for a decade because I couldn't/ didn't recognize the extent of my physical dependency on alcohol. It takes more than a few days to "dry out." But I was amazed at how my perspective on drinking and life in general changed as I got further and further from active addiction. It really was like waking up.

Often binge drinkers think their problem is "not that bad" because they can go a few days without a drink. But this is another trap/ form of denial.

It's also worth noting that the binge-detox cycle is thought to actually be worse for your health than everyday drinking. [Not that I am suggesting you switch to drinking around the clock, of course.]

Anyway, just my thoughts.

Nonsensical

Is this what you imagine when you think about all the fun drinking times you're missing out on?

Soberwolf

This is known as FOMO the fear of missing out

It's up to you but to quote least I've never regretted waking up sober or wishing i got wrecked the night before

Remember this is a process changes have to be made having a plan helps the process big time

Give yourself time to adjust

Mystikaldawn

I can relate to this, most of my drinking was done at home alone. But I loved the summer time especially when me and my friends would go on our annual ATV trip out to the cabin, spend a couple days out there loaded basically. Or my towns annual beach festival which lasts 3 days long, problem for me was once I got back home I wouldn't stop where as my friends who only drank socially had no problems at all. I've come to the conclusion that if I want to be healthy and in a better place not only financially but personally to make myself feel better then I know thing's are going to have to change, and as a previous poster just said, I'm hoping that after a few times of doing it without drinking it will be easier and easier. Your not alone I feel the EXACT same way!

Nikkabean326

Touché. Couldn't have said it better myself.. oh, wait.

This was eyeopening. Thank you.

doggonecarl

Thoughts such of these have at their root the idea that sobriety is depriving you of something...that sobriety is a punishment, rather than the liberation from addiction it is.

You think you will miss the fun? The fun alcohol was didn't bring you to SR, did it? And you've struggled with this "fun" for several years. Time to find a recovery program more substantial than abstinence, one that will allow you to live and love a sober life.

BrendaChenowyth

Acknowledge the problem, live in the solution?

So what is the problem and what is the solution?

oakleaf82

It was very helpful to me to change my perspective on sobriety. It is not a consequence, punishment, or deprivation. It is a proud choice. To live life awake and free.

I do understand what you are feeling, BUT the more I educated myself about what alcohol really is, and kept looking at it as a proud choice to be sober, not denying myself anything..... it gets better. I don't feel like I am missing out anymore.

tomsteve

howz about what you'd miss out on by drinking?
do you like that relationship with mr guilt enough to drink again?

Forward12

I would look at these events sober as a great thing. Do you want to actually experience and remember them? Do you want your first bridesmaid event to be forever remembered as the drunken fool that made a complete ass out of themselves in front of everyone? I sure wouldn't.
Take things one day at a time and don't get too wrapped up in the future. Get a solid plan in place, be it AA, posting everyday here, seeing an addiction therapist, etc,.. they will be greatly helpful in helping to kick the madness.

Bird615

I used to think I was missing out until I started focusing more on what I was REALLY missing out on. Remembering all those things in detail like Nonsensical quoted works for me. I'm now convinced that the next time is not going to be any different.

That, and working a recovery program and changing my perspective as oakleaf mentioned along with one day at a time all help me to be happy with sobriety.

Now, it's a relief that I don't HAVE to drink anymore. It's freedom.

Delizadee

Mr. Guilt is hiding behind the blinders your addiction is putting on you.

Try and remember, these are thoughts that you neither have to act upon or you can tape up that quoted post of yours as a way to help you play the tape all the way through.

Do you have a plan? If you dont- I highly suggest getting one going. Part of your plan should include how you are going to deal with these situations as they come up.

Right now for me, my plan is avoid all people, places and things to do with alcohol. I am too early in my recovery to be dangling that poison carrot in front of myself. I won't date someone who drinks, if I date at all. I won't put myself with anyone or in any place where there is alcohol or empties present. I will not accept invites to any events or vacation where there will be alcohol.
My sobriety is that important to me right now. I feel confident that I'm not on the road to relapse, I find alcohol quite repulsive at the moment. Eventually, with time and continuing on with a good plan for self-care and living my best life, I'm sure I will be able to resist temptation and exist comfortably around alcohol without obsessing about it.

Be honest with yourself. Do you want sobriety more than the awful consequences it has inevitably brought you in the past? Can you really face the situations and maintain your sobriety?
The choice is yours, and I really think you deserve true contentment, freedom and good health and well-being for yourself.

I always feared missing out too, how would I fill this big gaping hole that alcohol had left me with?
Well removing that block opened up a world of possibility for me that didn't exist because of my drinking. It took a bit of time but the more my eyes opened the more amazing opportunities I had in my life. My fear has lessened and my excitement for life and gratitude has deepened. I don't feel like I'm missing out at all anymore.

Berrybean

I remember feeling the same way. The FOMO and the difficulty in just focussing on dealing with the day I was in and leaving the rest for when the time came round.

As time has gone on and I have attended more and more functions and events sober the FOMO has subsided and I'm getting better at not having one foot in the past and the other in the future. Good job as well because as others have said, that just meant I was more likely to pee all over today.

I have now been a wedding guest, been on a hen weekend, organised a separate hen event, been a bridesmaid, been on various holidays, had a few birthdays and Christmas seasons, got through stress at work, courses, meals, parties, and plenty of other stuff, all sober. And I managed to not behave like a demented **** at any of them, or speak out of turn and upset anyone. Quite amazing. I also quite enjoyed them and know that I did because I could remember doing so. What a life. Who knew?!?! Of course, my AV did it's best to convince me that I 'needed' alcohol to function at all of those things, and that people would only like me and want to talk to me if I was drinking (a ludicrous idea - honestly, I was a pain in the proverbials when I was drunk and in 'wittier, prettier and tittier' mode). Those AVs of our don't half spin us some yarns.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery, especially in developing the knack of discerning when it's your AV fibbing to you and learning how to ignore the little beast.

BB

Nonsensical

My addiction tells me lies I desperately want to believe. That's what makes it so dangerous.

It is a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it. I stopped taking advice from a known liar and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.

notgonnastoptry

I'm at nearly 10 months and it's still hard. I can't say I even take it a day at a time. Honestly, I don't know how I do it. Oh, yeah, maybe because I almost died in the hospital from drinking. I don't really know. It's been a year of "firsts" for me, and truthfully, it's still annoying. I have the large batch of "end-of-the-year" parties to attend. At each one, cocktails will be flowing like rivers. And, I have some big events coming up where I am being honored. Free cocktail hour! I feel like I'm missing out.

Rooftops, fancy invites, etc., I don't even go. It's not because I don't trust myself (I've been to a few), but I'm dieting now, too, so why bother. No food, no drinks. These are all white glove service at all of these. I have to go to the one in my honor and I get to sit with my friends and my father who will all be drinking.

I don't know how to explain. I'm not tempted, I won't drink (the stakes are too high) but I'm just bored, I guess. I'm not going to sit here and pretend life is just so pleasant without drinking. People will tell me I need to join a group, get support, etc. No thanks. I have strong will power and that keeps me sober. Intellectual, I know I can't drink and that's the end of the story. Too much destruction for awaits me. I'm more productive, sure. That's great and I'm happy for that.

Summer was fine last year, but I was fresh out of the hospital. I love football and games were fine. Vacations were fine. I don't know, though, I still, like you, feel so bummed about certain events when I remember I'll be drinking coffee and trying to do low carb. It's like all the pleasures are gone. Yes, I find pleasure in internet, reading, exercising, my job, but it's not the same.

good luck.

totfit

I did not miss out on events because of not drinking. I missed out on events even if I made them when I was drinking. That is the way I look at it. That is my reality.

Pondlady

I remember thinking it sucked to not be able to drink forever! I made getting sober a top priority, not having alcohol in the house, avoiding social events and working on my health and happiness.

Wow, has it really been almost five years since I stopped?! Life is so much better! My mind is sharper, I remember things, have great conversations with people...and remember them. I take an early morning exercise class...there's no way I could have done that before.

I feel better than I have, in a long time.

notgonnastoptry

I don't know if this is quoted correctly, but that alone would push me to stop (I think). Wow. He's a saint. My husband had no patience with any of it, was waiting to divorce me post-hospital and half of my problem was because he was such a **** throughout everything. There was certainly no incentive to stop regarding him. If I would have done any of things you mentioned, he would have kicked me to the curb.