Sportdeck203

Hey guys and girls, haven't been around for a while, thought I'd check in, I'm doing well and I would be sitting at day 119 right now but when we were in Vegas on March 24th I had a small slip, we had a pool party at the Flamingo for our friends 40th I had 3 beer, the second I started to feel a buzz I stopped, I actually didn't like the feeling, which was surprising, it was an awesome trip without drinking anyway, just being at the pool under the sun with all my friends that afternoon I kinda let it go for a minute, I instantly felt like a failure and was probably too embarrassed to post here until now, but life goes on and all I can do now is move forward.

It's been all good since then, I'm glad I stopped and didn't have a bender, been spending lots of time at the cabin in the last few weeks, built a new fence and adding on to the deck getting ready for summer, feels good to be sober and actually get some projects done.

Hope everyone is having a good Easter weekend, I got a turkey on the Traeger right now, 4 hours to go till she's done.

Soberwolf

Good stuff Sportdeck

saoutchik

I'm glad things are going well Sportdeck. Have a grrrreat Easter.

August252015

So Mar 25 is your new sober date? Good job on stopping when you relapsed. You can do it this time- you made it back so make this chance the last you need!

What kind of program are you working?

Dee74

There are no small slips IMO...drinking when we've committed not to is pretty major....not for the purposes of beating ourselves up (or for others to beat us up) but for the making the best of our mistakes and building a better recovery plan.

Recovery is for ever.

I'm glad you pulled out of it and are recommitting to recovery sportdeck.

D

Sportdeck203

Well considering that in days of old I would have had 15 or 20 at the pool and not even thought about it, then had 10 more later in the night, I consider it a small slip, everyone is entitled to they're own opinion though of course.

I get what your saying.

dwtbd

What if it didn't feel weird?

Welcome back, hope you have a great holiday.

D122y

Sport,

I feel like a clock reset is a guilt trip. I don't want you to relapse hard because of a clock reset.

I vote you are 118 and 1.

I am glad you reported that the buzz was not worth it.

That is information that might help someone.

Thanks.

Dee74

I know we see things differently sportdeck so I won;t belabour the point except to say dwtbd asks a great question.

Be careful of moving the goalposts. We're great at that.

If a small slip is better than a big one, you might start allowing yourself small slips. every so often...
I don't see a 'clock reset' being about guilt trips, punishment or disincentive at all.

It's about honesty and, again, not moving the goalposts.

I'll drop the mike now, but being firm on stuff like this keeps me sober.

D

Grymt

Some take counting more serious than others.The time I've spent sober but dry drunk. The time I slowly slipped into relapse when I got a cold and sipped senega of ammonia to clear the lungs not realising it had alcohol in it and I was priming myself for a bust. When I sidestepped into a bust by sipping a cough medicine with pseudo-speed and pseudo-opiate contents. It all made me realise that for me only today really matters. I know I'm an alcoholic and I know that if I drink my life will spiral out of control and sooner or later I end up in the gutter. The danger of these little slips, particularly early on in recovery, is they can make a second slip easier as the memory is that I managed to control myself that time and now when my dog's been run over, I've gotten a promotion, it's a beautiful day, anything really, I deserve a drink and I know I can pull back when I need to. The danger of the little slip. Romancing the stone. I am an alcoholic and I know the stark truth of that. One day at a time.

Sportdeck203

I don't really care about the days thing anyway, I didn't start counting till I joined here, I was never an every day drinker, I never drank during the week, only weekends and I've never had pysical alcohol withdrawls, I was just tired of the hangovers on the weekend, bottom line is no matter what anyone says I'm proud of myself, this last 4 months has been awesome, lost a ton of weight and had some good times with family, currently my neighbor has been in the hospital for 5 weeks due to alcohol his whole life and my mother in law just found out she has a lot of health issues because of years of drinking everyday, that's not the person I want to be, I've changed my lifestyle a lot, also gave up smoking cigarettes the day we came home from Vegas, been 3 weeks now.

Mattq2

Sportdeck,
You should be proud, you really should but there is a over whelming fear in what you say that scares the heck out of people like me. I was sober for seven years. Went on vacation had a few beers one night then a month or two later I had a few more. The downward spiral began and it took me fourteen years to get sober again.

I have followed your posts. You have, from the sounds of things really change your life physically and mentally. Your before and after pictures were awesome. Just want you to know what my experience was like.

I hope you continue your sober journey. You seem like a good person and dad my friend. Be careful.

Carlito61

I don't really care about the days thing anyway, I didn't start counting till I joined here, I was never an every day drinker, I never drank during the week, only weekends and I've never had pysical alcohol withdrawls, I was just tired of the hangovers on the weekend, bottom line is no matter what anyone says I'm proud of myself, this last 4 months has been awesome, lost a ton of weight and had some good times with family, currently my neighbor has been in the hospital for 5 weeks due to alcohol his whole life and my mother in law just found out she has a lot of health issues because of years of drinking everyday, that's not the person I want to be, I've changed my lifestyle a lot, also gave up smoking cigarettes the day we came home from Vegas, been 3 weeks now.

Your AV did some serious damage down there in Vegas. If this was a boxing match, I think you got a "standing eight count". Just my opinion.

tursiops999

Sportdeck, good for you for coming back and posting honestly. And for quitting smoking! You have a lot to be proud of.

I think I was in a similar spot as you when I quit ... no big problems yet, no dui's, no job issues, no one had mentioned my drinking. But I just knew inside it was getting the better of me. It can be hard, when we quit kind of "early" and without too much struggle, to see it as a life or death matter, an all or nothing thing. But the longer I'm sober, the more clearly I can see the nature of my addiction and the persistence with which it would eventually take me down, if I let it. It's all or nothing...I get to have my health and quality of life and many other gifts, because I've chosen to shut the door on drinking forever.

As for the slip, it all depends what you do with it, I think. It can be the catalyst for a really empowering choice.

Outonthetiles

This confirms one of most critical lessons I've learned at SR: Moderation doesn't work. You can't play around with this stuff. there's always a couple threads at any given time where people have "had just one drink," and they're gone again on two year binge.
It seems hard core, but Dee's right: even a minor slip like Sportdeck's is big deal because it opens the door to thoughts of moderation, and moderation is a recipe for early death.

Gottalife

When I first joined AA there was an old timer who thought the word slip understated things. He thought landslide was more fitting. The terms we used were like clambering out of the mire that is alcoholism, crawling up the side toward safe ground, and sometimes someone would slip, and fall back into the mire.

Relapse, a word in common use these days, to me is more like someone who has climbed out, found the safe ground, doesn't like the deal, and ends up taking a dive back into the pit.

My last slip was a plan to have three beers and be home by six. Got home by six, just four days later. It really proved I had the phenomenon of craving, which doesn't occur in normal drinkers, and it was a turning point. I didn't manage to have one or two and stop. I worked AA like my life depended on it, and never drank again.

I think if I had been able to stop, that memory may well have tempted me to try it again, and that is a well trodden path.

August252015

Lots of justification going on here, IMO.

Time to move forward regardless of what you call it- and dismiss he noise about what never happened, neighbors, anything except the mai priority- if it is in fact yours- of permanent sobriety.

Good luck.

PhoenixJ

**** happens

Sportdeck203

You guys are hard core, wow, I will think twice before I come here to post again, did I get drunk and go on a bender? No, I had 3 beer and that was already almost a month ago,

And I don't have to justify anything to you people like your implying, just saying what I think, if you don't like it then fine.

PhoenixJ

I meant- stuff just happens btw, no judgements. I would be saddened if you did not keep posting. Live and learn. I think guys here just relaste THEIR experiences- so judging themselves and perhaps that way we all bumble along together.