bronzie

I'm really anxious tonight y'all. I just had dinner, im tired and I don't feel very productive. All I did today was go to the store, take out some trash and recycling, read and spent a few hours at the parkate afternoon.
I'm going to have some herbal tea now, that always comforts me when I can't have alcohol.

I bought some beer at the store today and I have wine in the greenhouse, but I don't want any of it. I hate to pour it out though because that seems wasteful. And I start freaking out if I don't at least have it easy accessible since I live miles from a store. What if something terrible happens if I don't have any alcohol?

Can anyone help me get this ridiculous notion out of my head? Why are all these crazy ideas engrained in my head? Is my mind playing tricjs on me? I do not want to drink anymore!!! I don't even WANT it, but feel like I "need" it because it's always been a part of my life since teen years.

My house is so chaotic right now! Ugh!

Eastcoaster20

Pour it out ASAP. Nothing good can come of having alcohol in the vicinity. Better down the drain than drinking it and then feeling regret or anger for doing so. You can do this! Get some sober time under your belt and you will see that there's no need to keep any for "what if" situations.

Dee74

I don't understand why you bought beer or why you have wine in the greenhouse Bronzie, but perhaps you can think of pouring it out as an investment in your recovery, not a 'waste of money'

D

Soberwolf

Bronzie I completely understand, your alcoholic just like me and at the end of my drinking I was the exact same I didn't want to drink... yet I was drinking, not many understand that alcoholic paradox but I get it - I done the same i really didn't want to drink but I still was it was the worst period of my alcoholism

Bronzie are you going to any type of recovery meetings ?

bronzie

Yes, I will pour it out. It was just $6. I knew better than to buy it. I just freaked out in the moment, knowing I was headed home for the rest of the night and wouldn't have any. I will go first thing in the morning and get rid of it. I will walk down to the orchard and pour it all out and then I will take all empty bottles to the recycling place on my way to work.

I just looked in the mirror, and my face is not puffy or red, my stomach is not bloated....because I didn't binge all weekend. I can already see a little change. Yes I had the glass of wine yesterday morning, but thank goodness I stopped before it got out of control. I came here and posted. I did not drink any of the beer I bought at the store. I'm thankful for that right now, because I will wake up sober on Monday morning, ready for the week ahead!

doggonecarl

That was how I was at the end of my drinking. Making sure I had alcohol...just in case. I never asked why, or just in case of what? But know I know.

I had it, just in case I needed to drink it.

You bought it to drink. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But some day. Dump it, please. Take drinking off the table as an option and perhaps you can start this journey of recovery.

Eastcoaster20

New day, fresh start to the week. You can do it Bronzie!

saoutchik

Great news that you are pouring that wine out bronzie.

I am rooting for you.

Delizadee

Think of how much of your LIFE, time, and money you have ALREADY wasted on alcohol.
DUMP. IT. OUT!!

Don't think just do.
You will feel SO MUCH STRONGER FOR DOING IT!! I know, because I've done, more than once.

Bronzie, to you or anyone else who is struggling with thoughts right now-
POST! POST! POST!
Do it every five minutes if you have to!
Read around the site!

I really, really hope you pull out all your stops and dump it.

Believe me, the regret of drinking will far outweigh the regret of dumping it out.

You can do it!

* oops sorry bronzie! I skipped a few posts! Good for you YAY!!! I'm so happy. Sober muscles!

bronzie

Hi everyone!

I had a really long and busy day at work yesterday, so I wasn't on here much except for to check in last night.

I dumped everything out like y'all told me to, and I felt such a relief doing that! I didn't feel any mourning or sadness about it this time. I have literally cried at the thought of never being able to drink again. Not this time! This time, I felt empowered and strong, and I said I'm not letting this control me anymore!!! It's a new start for the rest of my life, a new beginning, and that's something to be excited about!

Dee74

D