sweetichick

Major anxiety all day yesterday. Could barely cope. Ended up buying 6 cans of vodka today while out shopping. Can't even afford it as still paying off the tiler. No idea what the answer is. Wanted to go to AA last night but my ex didn't trust me not to buy some. Giving car key back to my ex so I don't end up relapsing. Need to learn to relax. Born worry wart.

Dee74

you seem to be putting all your energy into the wrong things, like buying more booze?

Your ex should have no say on whether you go to AA or not.

Giving him your car keys is not an answer to the problem either.

I really think you need to take more personal responsibility sweetichick?
start going to AA regularly, get a sponsor?

D

Poppy79

Is this the same ex that is horrible towards you?
Sounds like you need to make some pretty big decisions in order to give yourself an opportunity to get sober. I would personally be avoiding said ex like the plague as my first big decision, if I were you.

sweetichick

He's horrible to everyone. His family and kids have practally nothing to do with him. He has a nice side. Just very bossy and thinks everyone including the government are idiots. Loves a good fight. I won't give him my car keys now. Everyone has warned me about him.

sweetichick

I was sober before I met him.

GaryB1

Hi sweetichick Do you think you need your ex around so you have someone to put the blame on for your drinking?
Sometimes people can get stuck in a martyr complex where they take pride in showing other people how horrible someone is to them and how long suffering they are to put up with it.

I'm not trying to be nasty here, but sometimes the drama of a dysfunctional relationship can be a good distraction away from other problems we don't want to face. Victim playing, to both boyfriend and booze is a bad position to put yourself in
No one or nothing is going to stop you drinking if you won't take responsibility for yourself and take action
Wishful thinking won't stop you drinking. Trying to stop wanting to stop going to stop are not the same as actually stopping, they are delaying tactics

Wishing you all the best, that you will beat this

FreeOwl

Your guy sounds like an excellent candidate for the position of ex-guy.

That aside; I'll echo what Dee said. He doesn't get to have a say in whether you go to AA. Nobody is in charge of your recovery but YOU.

You don't know what to do? Well, I'll tell ya what not to do; DON'T go buy alcohol. DON'T drink alcohol. Don't keep on letting the autopilot drive your life into the black abyss.

You have choice. You have arms and legs and hands and a mind and awareness of the problem. YOU have the power to take steps to change this. It may not feel like it, but you do. That power is choice and it takes courage but there is absolutely nothing standing between you and simply walking into those doors at AA, asking for a Big Book, making it part of your daily plan for now, reading that book, taking other clear actions to support a choice of sobriety and turning your life around.

MrsLecter

That autopilot feeling is something I can very much relate to.

I'm definitely think relationships can add either extra stress or extra support but I echo what the others here have said about the car keys - try not to rely on your partner to take that responsibility from you when this decision is about taking back control of your life and starting new. You also said that he can be horrible to everyone and I don't necessarily think that's healthy when you're likely being very hard on yourself in early sobriety anyway.

That being said, I'm not here to dish out relationship advice and I think that as you accrue some more sober time, you'll start seeing what choices are good for you in order to be happy, whatever they may be.

With regards to your recovery, I've had to prioritise it over everything in order to maintain it so far. Meetings help me a lot but I plan them out every week so I have no excuses not to go. I mainly go to evening meetings near work so that by the time I'm walking past the countless off-licenses near my home, I've been to a meeting and feel strong enough to avoid them.

PhoenixJ

You need to be in control of you. Meetings are a good idea.
Support to you SwCH

sweetichick

I dumped my ex after reading your posts. Him taking my car keys just left me more isolated. I don't know how I will cope without him as he is my only friend. Just thought I'd let you all know. It wasn't pretty.

FreeOwl

good move.

you'll cope without him better than you 'coped' with him, is my guess.

your description of the relationship doesn't seem to align to the definition of "friendship" to me.

Going to AA today?

sweetichick

It's 9pm here so tomorrow night has a great meeting with people I know.

Dee74

I really hope you can make this a new beginning sweetichick

D

FreeOwl

chances are there's a morning and a noon-ish meeting too.... make it a three-fer!!!

You can do this.

sweetichick

Good idea freeowl

FreeOwl

time of significant change and unrest can be helped by taking actions of significant support.



You could do a lot worse than to enjoy three hours of fellowship with people who understand.

Alan6154

When I quit drinking my closest friends were a little stand offish. I even posted on here about it, about my friends acting "weird". Since then they have approached me one by one and told me they are proud of me and they realize how tough it must have been.

I guess they were waiting to see if it was going to stick (sobriety) before saying anything to me. The people in your life may be a little stand offish with you also but the ones who truly care will respond positively in time.

And don't let someone make life decisions for you, it is YOUR life. Only you can make it better, and talking to someone (AA, Counselor, Priest, whoever) and SR is a great start.

tomsteve

I had all of my friends stop contacting me when they heard I was getting sober. it hurt, but one of the best things for me.
I gained new friends-honest,true friends in AA- friends that have been there for me to help me with solutions to problems.
with the added benefit of some great times.
HOWEVER
those friendships didn't happen over night. they took quite a bit of time to develop- I don't trust easy and neither did they. seems to be a common thing amongst alkies.
plus, I can count on one hand my true friends. the quality is more important that the quantity.

Anna

I agree totally with Dee's comments.

bronzie

I can relate to you sweetichick, because I have a similar situation. All my friends are in other states, except for my coworkers. My bf is not physically hurtful to me, but he is controlling and manipulative, in both subtle and obvious ways. We do not live together, so he does not take my keys or anything like that, but he does love a good argument, just when I can't handle it and I just want some peace and comfort.

Look at the positive first, you made it 7 days, that's an entire week without drinking. That means you can make it another 7 days and keep going this time.
I'm on Day 2 here myself.

Keep posting here and take the advice of others and listen because they seem to know. I don't have much advice, seeing as how I'm a newcomer as well, and I have been in this battle with alcohol for years.

But, I wanted to respond to you just to let you know I understand and I can relate to your experience. I offer you lots of love and support!