bronzie

I just sent a very serious email to my doctor asking for help with my alcoholism. I have never truly been honest with her about it, or asked her for help. Other paths have not worked out. Although, I am hoping with my doctor, counseling and AA, I can overcome this awful thing. I'm tired of living this way.

Yesterday I woke up, started drinking vodka, finished the entire pint, then continued to drink a bottle of wine and like 6 beers. Absolutely ridiculous, sickening and disgusting. I came home, passed out, and now I've been awake all night with panic attacks, and my liver and stomach hurt.

I don't this anymore. I don't want to die.
Is there truly help for me if I am committed?
Do you think I will make it thru this relapse recovery?
I'm taking a mental health day from work today. And I hope to hear back from my doctor asap. But you guys are really keeping me going here. I do apologize for all the posts tonight and over this weekend. I'm just rocking back and forth with pain and anxiety. When will it ever end?

SoberNunn

I'm still trying for sobriety Bronzie and completely understand your anxiety and panic. There is a better future. It's not beyond our reach. Keep posting. There are so many people here who have pulled themselves from the deepest rock bottom and are living happy sober lives. There's hope for us all.

Dee74

W e all have to start from somewhere Bronzie. This can be your new start

D

FreeOwl

while you're waiting for your Dr's reply..... pop out to an AA meeting.



you can do it.

FeelingGreat

Good move seeing your doctor first. Don't sugar-coat it either. It's hard to tell the absolute truth, but force yourself.

PhoenixJ

For me the damage ended when I stopped drinking. Then with a doc- I got physically a lot better. With a proactive plan and prof guidance I then worked on dealing with damage done- money, divorce etc. Ongoing- but a lot better than the hell I made.
Support to you.

Bird615

Getting help made a big difference for me and when I finally stopped for good this last time, I had to understand and accept that it was not going to be easy at first. Realizing that helped to prevent me from being blindsided when it got tough, when those early cravings started and I thought I couldn't stand it. I did get through them and what helped was knowing they would pass and that it really would get better.

And it did.

Berrybean

I don't this anymore. I don't want to die. GOOD
Is there truly help for me if I am committed? YES.
Do you think I will make it thru this relapse recovery? YES.

Please don't apologise. When we first arrived here we had lots of help as well, and nowadays when I respond to posts like yours it helps me to guard me own sobriety. It reminds me where I came from, and how easy if would be to end up back there with a dollop of complacency and neglecting to do my recovery work. I got a lot of identification from your posts and it brought a lot back to me. I was 41 though, a few years older. It's easy to think of all the wasted time, but in many ways I feel like since getting sober my adult life only just began.

I'm in the UK and my doctor, like many here, has scant understanding of addiction. My doctors visits weren't so useful to be honest, although I doubt I was as honest as it sounds like you have been in your email. Perhaps if I had been I'd have got better help. I was definitely not honest with my counsellor. Well, I was... but only about what OTHER people had done. I didn't tell her any of the bits that might make me look bad. Needless to say, that wasn't massively successful either. BUT (and this is a big but) regardless of those things, with my recovery work and meetings I did get there. I got sober and found some serenity. I learned to stop hating myself. I stopped trying to be the all singing and dancing mastermind of the universe and chief puppeteer of everyone in it. I managed to let go of decades-old resentments and those fears that kept me awake at night.

I am not special. If I can do it, so can you.

BB

bronzie

Thank you all for the thoughtful responses, and for being here for me today. I got about an hour and a half of sleep, and now it's 8am and a new day is beginning. The first day of the rest of my life, literally. I'm just sitting here looking at my sweet baby girl still sleeping, and thinking of how I want the very best for her, for both of my kids! My job is also taking care of children, and I can't do that unless I take care of myself first. Then I can be the best parent and teacher that I know I am capable of being!
I have to find that strength in myself to get my act together and stop falling off the wagon! The time is right now!