What, if anything, was the "extra" you changed to find happiness in sobriety?
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
healthy selfishness - I have to learn that the best selfserving act is loving kindness. Do something for someone else without expecting something in return.
'Truth is the offspring of silence and meditation.'
- Isaac Newton
'Truth is the offspring of silence and meditation.'
- Isaac Newton
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,590
Originally Posted by jazzfish 
But what about long-term? How did you get past the 'missing out', 'life is dull', 'I'm lonely', and 'I'm irritated with everything' parts of sobriety to find general happiness with it? What was the extra that you did?
I emphatically prefer being sober so I never feel like I'm missing out anymore - I often wonder if it's my mates who are missing out....
I learned to feel comfortable with who I was so that I never feel uneasy in my own company anymore....I never feel lonely...I actually savour my alone time now...I never feel bored either because if I want to do something I have a lot of friends I can call and do things with.
Naturally, all that didn't suddenly happen overnight - I had 40 years of underlying reasons for drinking I had to address....
I had some counselling help with some of it, but even so it was most of my first year working on me and who I wanted to be, and what I wanted my life to be ...and consolidating it in the second 12 months
The process is ongoing
. It's a pretty big job, but it was worth the effort.
Be fearless
D
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Originally Posted by Dee74
Be fearless
I used to be so fearful. As soon as I decided to be permanently abstinent, I made up my mind to stop running from things I feared or seeking things that I thought would bring me comfort. One/one therapy helped me a great deal with my confidence and reading everything I could on the Buddhist perspective of fearlessness gave me some practical insight and tools for application. I don't do one/one any more, but I did for a very long time (like 4 years). I continue to practice sitting with my fear.
"If you can look deep into your fear and have a clear vision of it, then you really can live a life that is worthwhile." ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: North East
Posts: 621
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
Everything.
I mean, some things I'd always done and kept doing. But even those things changed in the light of sobriety.
I began living everything with greater presence, clarity, consciousness.
I spent time in therapy.... not about drinking but about life. I participated in some men's retreat work. Not about sobriety but about authenticity and maturity and intimacy with others.
I began exploring who I really am inside.... through creative expression and engaging with other creative, authentic people.
I became honest. Most notably with myself.
I began moving more into a real expression of and appreciation for Spirit. I went to a lot of sunrises and sunsets. I expressed gratitude regularly.
I attended a lot of AA meetings.
I read the Big Book. Over and over again.
I spent lots of time learning and sharing here on SR.
I exercised more. Ran more. Biked more. Spent more simple time in nature.
I did lots of new things, and did many 'old things' with new eyes and new heart.
At first, I really just 'quit drinking'. But gradually what I did was 'start living'.
I mean, some things I'd always done and kept doing. But even those things changed in the light of sobriety.
I began living everything with greater presence, clarity, consciousness.
I spent time in therapy.... not about drinking but about life. I participated in some men's retreat work. Not about sobriety but about authenticity and maturity and intimacy with others.
I began exploring who I really am inside.... through creative expression and engaging with other creative, authentic people.
I became honest. Most notably with myself.
I began moving more into a real expression of and appreciation for Spirit. I went to a lot of sunrises and sunsets. I expressed gratitude regularly.
I attended a lot of AA meetings.
I read the Big Book. Over and over again.
I spent lots of time learning and sharing here on SR.
I exercised more. Ran more. Biked more. Spent more simple time in nature.
I did lots of new things, and did many 'old things' with new eyes and new heart.
At first, I really just 'quit drinking'. But gradually what I did was 'start living'.
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