AA Resentment
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Melissa1217 
Considering the fact that both some of us have had past trauma, I feel it's very inappropriate for people to recommend these meetings when their are predators and dishonest sick people there.
But, one still should be a little careful there.
never lend money etc. etc. etc..
Just because an old drunk ain't drinking don't make him a good guy.
But, possibly he can teach me how to stay sober?
For my moral compass I could attend church?
AA is not church.
For sure I (we) need to do something. If alcoholic?
M-Bob
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
Melissa,
I am sorry for your experience.
If you're still interested in the 12 step way of life, I have a suggestion: see if you could find an Open OA meeting that would be okay with your going there. Then whenever you hear the word "food" substitute it with "alcohol." There tend to be more women in OA meetings, and people aren't sent to OA from the courts.
Certain OA meetings are very strict with their food addiction and treat it exactly like an alcohol addiction. I hope you're able to find those. Some OA meetings use the Big book of AA. I don't know what is available to you in a small town, though.
If you only find closed OA meetings, explain your predicament and see if they will still allow you to go. When you share, say things like "I wanted to pick up", etc., instead of saying the word "alcohol".
If you still want AA recovery, but have no meeting to go to, I am happy to sponsor you from afar. Send me a PM. I sponsor out of the big book. You don't need to necessarily attend meetings to get sober. It can be done when you cannot attend meetings.
I am sorry for your experience.
If you're still interested in the 12 step way of life, I have a suggestion: see if you could find an Open OA meeting that would be okay with your going there. Then whenever you hear the word "food" substitute it with "alcohol." There tend to be more women in OA meetings, and people aren't sent to OA from the courts.
Certain OA meetings are very strict with their food addiction and treat it exactly like an alcohol addiction. I hope you're able to find those. Some OA meetings use the Big book of AA. I don't know what is available to you in a small town, though.
If you only find closed OA meetings, explain your predicament and see if they will still allow you to go. When you share, say things like "I wanted to pick up", etc., instead of saying the word "alcohol".
If you still want AA recovery, but have no meeting to go to, I am happy to sponsor you from afar. Send me a PM. I sponsor out of the big book. You don't need to necessarily attend meetings to get sober. It can be done when you cannot attend meetings.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Oh, man, that really sucks. Don't let it get you down, though.
Statistics are hard to come by (and unreliable), but suggest that less than 10% of us get sober and stay sober.
Some of us use AA to do it.
Some of us use other methods or techniques.
It doesn't really matter how you get into that 10% club. It just matters that you do.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Statistics are hard to come by (and unreliable), but suggest that less than 10% of us get sober and stay sober.
Some of us use AA to do it.
Some of us use other methods or techniques.
It doesn't really matter how you get into that 10% club. It just matters that you do.
Best of Luck on Your Journey.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
your posts all sound so very angry.....i'm sorry you had a bad experience at AA. the majority of us have not.....perhaps you misconstrued the interactions, perhaps not.
instead of bashing on what didn't work for you, how about exploring what WILL work?
instead of bashing on what didn't work for you, how about exploring what WILL work?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 103
Wow, sorry this has happened to you. I have never experienced that before I know a lot of people within the fellowship are friendly and some like to hug a lot. I have never had someone try to date me but again I'm there for my recovery not to find a date. I wouldn't give up on AA just because you found yourself at a meeting and this happened not every meeting is like that.
Hang in there!!
Hang in there!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 105
Brenda I may sound angry but I'm stressed and tired.
I didn't misconstrue anything. I'm not interested in posting the gory details.
I'm going through enough without Bs, and thanks for the suggestion because I obviously have to look elsewhere.
I didn't misconstrue anything. I'm not interested in posting the gory details.
I'm going through enough without Bs, and thanks for the suggestion because I obviously have to look elsewhere.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
I'm sorry all that happened to you, Melissa. I feel awful for you. And it's odd to me. I've been going to AA here in MN for over two years and have yet to hear a gal tell me they've been treated like you have been. I don't blame you for your frustration. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of crap.
I hope you find something else that is positive for you. =)
I hope you find something else that is positive for you. =)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Melissa, these are some options for you to consider. We do understand how difficult this is, but have faith that you can do this:
SMART
Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
LifeRing
LifeRing Secular Recovery
Women for Sobriety
Women for Sobriety, Inc.
SMART
Self Help Addiction Recovery | SMART RecoveryŽ
LifeRing
LifeRing Secular Recovery
Women for Sobriety
Women for Sobriety, Inc.
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by Melissa1217
I'm not going to another one of those meetings...
I'm going to have to choose a different path.
I'm going to have to choose a different path.
There is ongoing discussion of AVRT in the secular connections forum on Sober Recovery. Feel free to post any questions.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Many of us women have past sexual trauma, Melissa. As a drinker I tended to put myself in a lot of dicey situations, and I've read enough here to know that it is pretty common to have sexual trauma intertwined with alcoholism. It's also really common to be paranoid and mentally unstable in active alcoholism and into early sobriety.
I'm not saying you have to go to AA. But just examine your thoughts and understand that you aren't in the best frame of mind. The paranoia and the crippling fear will go away with continuous sobriety. I know I was afraid of everything and everyone and I had judgements about every person I met - usually negative, and usually with no sound reason. The alcohol causes all kinds of mental dysfunction, I finally understand it was me. I hope you find your way out of your self-imposed prison.
I know there are predators - everywhere. Surely you know how to deflect attention, right?
Just because someone is kind to you, doesn't mean they are a predator.
I went to AA meetings in the first several months of sobriety and I know what you mean, but there are safe meetings - and you can keep yourself safe anywhere. There are predators at the grocery store and at BARS, does that keep you away from those places?
I'm not saying you have to go to AA. But just examine your thoughts and understand that you aren't in the best frame of mind. The paranoia and the crippling fear will go away with continuous sobriety. I know I was afraid of everything and everyone and I had judgements about every person I met - usually negative, and usually with no sound reason. The alcohol causes all kinds of mental dysfunction, I finally understand it was me. I hope you find your way out of your self-imposed prison.
I know there are predators - everywhere. Surely you know how to deflect attention, right?
Just because someone is kind to you, doesn't mean they are a predator.
I went to AA meetings in the first several months of sobriety and I know what you mean, but there are safe meetings - and you can keep yourself safe anywhere. There are predators at the grocery store and at BARS, does that keep you away from those places?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 105
I have PTSD related to an assault. My face is scared from it. I've been dealing with fears I have no control of and don't go out much.
I think I actually started drinking for "courage".
I'm just not in any condition to be fending anyone off.
Thank you to those who posted alternatives.
I'm going to try women for sobriety.
I think I actually started drinking for "courage".
I'm just not in any condition to be fending anyone off.
Thank you to those who posted alternatives.
I'm going to try women for sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Amnesiac
You do realize there are meetings that are "women only"???
That said there are predators everywhere including the church.
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