WenRiver

Hello! This is my first time being sick while sober -- it is an upper respiratory infection, presenting as sore throat, sneezing, coughing, headache, and sinus pressure. I have definitely had worse (I have early stage emphysema caused by chemical exposure and frequently have influenza and upper and lower respiratory infections). The difference is that this time, I am sober. Of course when I was terribly ill, befevered and delirious, I would not drink for a day, maybe two, but I was not sober. It was always a sacrifice, not drinking; I sipped whisky laden hot toddies and spoke reverentially of their medicinal benefits.

To be clear, I am not craving alcohol. I am damn dehydrated and thirsty for my pickle juice, club soda, and lime elixir! My throat seeks the herbal benefits of tea! But, I am making some interesting observations. Lest you be concerned that I am wallowing in self-pity, please be assured that I have recently become sober and every experience is brand-spanking new and part of my process is noting the similarities and differences.

1). I feel really crappy. I guess I was expecting to not feel as sick as I usually have because I am not drinking alcohol. While I don't feel as ... fuzzy and heavy ... there is no question -- I am bona fide indisposed! I keep thinking that I will walk my dog or work out or continue my spring cleaning projects only to leave my bed for the sole purpose of refilling my mug with hot water or eating more fruits and vegetables.

2). I feel guilty as hell. In the past, I would relish the excuse to lie around all day and do nothing because, while legitimately sick, I would also be hungover and physically and emotionally debilitated. Now, I feel rueful that I am not outside playing or reading, or that I am not organizing my living space. Ever since I became sober, I have become active the way I was when I was a child! Now that I am sick, I feel as fidgety as I did, too! I kind of love it.

3). I still cry when I am sick.

4). I am looking forward to feeling better and resuming activities! I am not marinating in depression and self-loathing. I am just ... self-caring. I am not relishing the convalescence nor am I self-victimizing. I am nourishing my body and planning what I will do when I feel better. This concept of feeling better is just another brand new experience in my brave new world.

Thank you for reading!

AdelineRose

The first time I got sick I remember being furious. I was a heroin addict and would wake up sick as a dog every single morning. Waking up feeling good is the best feeling in the world and everyday I wake up thanking God I am not sick. So the first time I got sick I literally got mad and thought "What the hell, why do I not feel good...i'm clean now why would I get sick, this is horrible wtf" Looking back that was the most ridiculous reaction to getting sick and it makes no sense what so ever. I forgot that people get sick just because they are sick- not because they ran out of heroin. -shakes head-.

noneever

I last made a 'serious' attempt to quit last November. Went to some AA meetings and was on track. Within a week I came down with the flu, was sick for a couple of weeks. My first thought when I became sick? "If I'd been drinking, this wouldn't have happened- the alcohol would have killed the virus". How deranged is that?
Hope you feel much better soon. Take care of yourself.

Dee74

No need to feel guilty - everyone gets sick

I find I bounce back a lot quicker now - I hop you find that too Wen - get well soon

D

WenRiver

Oh, my goodness, yes! You hit the nail on the head, AdelineRose! I know it isn't logical, but I suppose I thought that sobriety came with an indestructible shield. Guess THAT isn't my superpower after all!

I appreciate that you've shared your experience! Camaraderie goes a long way.

Anna

I hope you feel better soon, Wen, and I'm glad you're taking care of yourself.

WenRiver

[QUOTE=noneever;6335035 "If I'd been drinking, this wouldn't have happened- the alcohol would have killed the virus". How deranged is that?
Hope you feel much better soon. Take care of yourself.[/QUOTE]

Thank you, noneever! And, boy, do I know that deranged thought process. That was my repeated rationalization of the hot toddies, all evidence to the contrary! Thank you so much for the well-wishes. Trading tales definitely helps.

WenRiver

Awww ... thank you, D! Yes, the bouncing back seems to stand true -- I am feeling better and didn't get as sick. So far! Ha!

I will work on the guilt. That is a tough one. Carrying the weight of the world, etc. Reflecting, ruminating, expecting, perhaps too much.

WenRiver

Thank you, Anna! I am a book lover, too!!!

least

When I was drinking, I woke up every day feeling like I had the flu. Now that I'm sober, if I get sick I am reminded of hangovers.

So glad that if I get sick, I'm sober to take care of myself.

Hope you get well soon.

PhoenixJ

How are you/ Good thankyou, I am sick. Sounds strange to some. Not me. A great post. What book are you on? Do not forget u-t doco's. I was watching one this morning b4 my big move about whether the giant octopus has super intelligence lie extra terrestrials. They could not make up their minds.
Crap about the RTI.

milly4me

Hope you feel better soon. Please do take care of yourself.

I kinda know you mean about being sick. I'm still reeling from withdrawal symptoms (so different than your situation) but it's the first time in a lonnnngggg time that I'm caring for myself instead of self loathing. I mean I can't get better until I get better. No reason to feel bad about it. Definitely no reason to drink over it, right?

WenRiver

Phoenix, I love documentaries! I am super excited about Planet Earth II, which premieres this weekend on BBC!

Milly, I hope your withdrawal symptoms ease soon! And congratulations on the transition from self-loathing to self-care. You are absolutely right: no reason to drink over it. No way -- so many better ways to spend recuperation time (Law and Order reruns all day long!).

WenRiver

Thank you for the hug and well-wishes, Least. Better today, though still run-down.

Being sober to self-care is such a lovely sensation. I hope to never take that for granted.

My dogs are my best friends, healers, and loves. I see you have that with your dogs and wanted to share.

SoberCAH

When I am sick I remember that I used to pay good money to feel like this.

I hope you get well soon.

I have been sick a good bit of the last month.

Staying home from work sick is like being in prison.

I hope I never retire.

WenRiver

Yes -- I am astonished that I used to spend my money, time, and energy to feel like this every day! Thank you for your well wishes! I am sorry you have had to miss so much work and hope you get well soon, too.