Back again and hurting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 30
Back again and hurting
Well some of you may have remembered me from a couple months ago. I relapsed. I have been drinking most days for the past month. Last night I took my son to his sporting event and drank there. Long story short I drove home after drinking with my 6 year old in the car. I love my kids more than anything, of course. My wife knew when I got home, she could tell. Thankfully, we made it home safe. The guilt I feel about is so awful I am having a hard time concentrating at work today. This morning I went to my very first AA meeting. I will be going back, I hope it helps me. I just wanted to post this to you all. Guilt has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world. I am not the crying type but I am losing(or lost) the trust of my wife and it hurts so bad right now. Thanks for reading
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,746
CD: I drank with my kids in the car. Nothing happened. I knew it was wrong- I still drank. I just hoped I would get away with it. I used to think the only crime was getting caught.
I hope that is not you. Learn and do not drink and drive. The consequences for everybody else- then you (or me, or anyone) are very serious or worse.
I hope that is not you. Learn and do not drink and drive. The consequences for everybody else- then you (or me, or anyone) are very serious or worse.
radrag86
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Killeen
Posts: 16
Guilt is a powerful thing. Powerful for good and powerful for bad. How would your feeling of guilt ease your heart if something terrible had happened? Allow your guilt to move you forward in a positive way. I am glad you are going to AA. As for relapsing, you are not alone. I relapsed often, and brutalized myself with guilt, and guilt often led me to drink more. I keep my sobriety by forgiving myself, and living each day deeply grateful for my loved ones. My wife, my children, my family, they are the best of all reasons to be sober. Your sobriety shall always be kept "one day at a time".
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
We've all done things we regret when we were drinking. I'm glad you went to a meeting, welcome back to SR as well. Guilt is a pretty horrible feeling, and for good reason - but as others have mentioned that can't be your only motivator to stay sober. The absolute best possible decision you can make today is to not drink and do everything in your power to never drink again. That and that alone is the only way you can begin to rebuild the trust of those around you.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Your second offense, Crop. You've posted before about getting "busted" for drinking. You felt terrible then. But it didn't stop you. Because the consequences of our drinking are rarely enough to make us quit.
That's why I applaud your decision to attend an AA meeting. Get phone numbers, pick up a Big Book, get active in your own recovery.
Good luck.
That's why I applaud your decision to attend an AA meeting. Get phone numbers, pick up a Big Book, get active in your own recovery.
Good luck.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 30
thank you all for the responses. Doggonecarl, you are correct, 2nd offense. This was bad enough that I got a call from my son's coach about 2 hours ago, calling me out on how he saw me last night. I don't even know him that well but I cried and told him I have a problem. I am going to fix that problem. Thanks again everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by cropduster74 
I am losing(or lost) the trust of my wife and it hurts so bad right now.
I've known many in your situation who did not read the signs that were telling them that they were on the way down -- only to finally wake up too late on the ground.
AA is a good place for drunks like me.
M-Bob
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by cropduster74
thank you all for the responses. Doggonecarl, you are correct, 2nd offense. This was bad enough that I got a call from my son's coach about 2 hours ago, calling me out on how he saw me last night. I don't even know him that well but I cried and told him I have a problem. I am going to fix that problem. Thanks again everyone.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,633
I remember you, cropduster. I'm so glad you came back.
By the time I quit, drinking had completely taken over my life. I was drinking all day - took it to work - even the grocery store. It seems incredible now, but I was dependent on it to cope with everything. Only it wasn't really doing a thing to help me - it was making me more anxious & miserable with each day. As you said, the guilt & remorse is horrible - unbearable. You'll be so relieved to be done with it - and you will make it out of this.
By the time I quit, drinking had completely taken over my life. I was drinking all day - took it to work - even the grocery store. It seems incredible now, but I was dependent on it to cope with everything. Only it wasn't really doing a thing to help me - it was making me more anxious & miserable with each day. As you said, the guilt & remorse is horrible - unbearable. You'll be so relieved to be done with it - and you will make it out of this.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
