Binge drinking - what do you say when asked why?
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
This all sounds exactly like my drinking behavior, although I hid it behind the label of "party girl ". I had to drink, I had to socialize, my husband worked nights so I had to get out - which is/was fine but I got out and got drunk.
I feel by your post you are also using alcohol and binges as a stress reliever. It's fantastic that we know all the answers as to why we can't/shouldn't drink but how to prevent from drinking in the first place. Partly for me I made myself so sick I literally could not take any more. My suggestion: stick with people who don't use it as their main form of entertainment. Stay away from wet places, try and develop some form of stress relief into your day-to-day life. There's loads of fantastic suggestions on sr and support. Also keep in mind how awful this poison is and how you need to rest but not render yourself unconscious xxx
I feel by your post you are also using alcohol and binges as a stress reliever. It's fantastic that we know all the answers as to why we can't/shouldn't drink but how to prevent from drinking in the first place. Partly for me I made myself so sick I literally could not take any more. My suggestion: stick with people who don't use it as their main form of entertainment. Stay away from wet places, try and develop some form of stress relief into your day-to-day life. There's loads of fantastic suggestions on sr and support. Also keep in mind how awful this poison is and how you need to rest but not render yourself unconscious xxx
lillyknitting
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Loughton, Essex, England
Posts: 638
Originally Posted by LadyBlue0527 
What you described is pretty much me, although my bender was limited to one evening of insane pouring followed by being in bed the entire day the next day. I made sure that I made it to the blackout because that was the only way I was going to stop.
As for the why, I was trying to fill a hole that couldn't be filled, at least not with alcohol. I was running from the things in my life that bothered me (which included the way I drank).
The problem is the hole is a bottomless pit. It can't be filled, at least not with alcohol.
Here's how I described binging best to someone who has no issues with alcohol. I told them to think of the last time they were ravenously hungry. I mean really, really hungry. Then, visualize sitting down at a table with their favorite food and begin eating. The norm would be that with each fork full they would begin to feel the satisfaction of food entering their body and filling their stomach. The release of the pangs of hunger leaving their body. However, for some strange reason, that doesn't happen. Fork full after fork full the hunger pangs are not subsiding. In fact, they're getting worse. So the insanity continues and the eating becomes a feeding frenzy. Shoveling the food in but never arriving at the desired result, the removal of hunger. Eventually, the person is forced to stop or their stomach will explode. But, still, because of that feeling they will try to continue.
That's us bingers in a nutshell.
I also theorize that deep in our minds we are aware that we can't go on like this forever and who knows when the next time will be that we get to indulge this craving? So, we pour in as much as we can as quickly as we can. It's like trying to take candy away from a kid who has been let loose in a candy store.
Now, to answer how I stopped. Sadly, it took something monumental happening that proved to me that I had no business ever letting alcohol pass my lips ever again. I wish I had a crystal ball and could have seen into the future. But, none of us have that. So, the hope is we can heed the warnings from others on here before this happens.
The only way I stopped was to realize that there would never be an option for me to drink, no excuse that could be created. If you read any relapse thread on this board most begin with the same. The why. There can be NO why. Ever. How do you insure that? You fully accept that you can't drink. Saying forever is an overwhelming thing so you break it into each day. You make a plan and you fill that hole in your life with things that don't support drinking. You come here, or talk to someone you know before you take that drink. Take note of my signature line, that will never change. If I turn 80 and am on here that will remain the same.
Quitting is not easy, but I can't express to you enough that once you get past the hard part you'll realize just what a lie addiction is. It will never fix any problem you have, in fact, it will keep you from fixing problems. Because that's what it does. Plus, if you do it the right way, and work on doing things that will make life rewarding you'll begin to wonder how alcohol had the hold over you that it did in the first place.
I'll leave you with this. I am now over 9 months out. Yesterday, I saw a post on Facebook of two glasses filled with wine. I gagged. I laughed when I did it. I effectively hate alcohol and associate it with nothing good. Through retraining and diligence I now associate alcohol with complete darkness and being sick. My mind never pauses over the times of laughter and fun, it goes directly to the aftermath. It's an effective tool but I never thought I could actually end up gagging when seeing it. Lord I hope that doesn't happen someday in a restaurant hehe.
You CAN do this and feel that same way. Being here is a great start. Have you made a plan yet for the next time you feel that binge coming on? Don't let it happen, there is no WHY. Don't allow it.
There is a much better life waiting for you and the only thing that's stopping you from getting there is alcohol. Doesn't that make you want to hate it just a little bit?
As for the why, I was trying to fill a hole that couldn't be filled, at least not with alcohol. I was running from the things in my life that bothered me (which included the way I drank).
The problem is the hole is a bottomless pit. It can't be filled, at least not with alcohol.
Here's how I described binging best to someone who has no issues with alcohol. I told them to think of the last time they were ravenously hungry. I mean really, really hungry. Then, visualize sitting down at a table with their favorite food and begin eating. The norm would be that with each fork full they would begin to feel the satisfaction of food entering their body and filling their stomach. The release of the pangs of hunger leaving their body. However, for some strange reason, that doesn't happen. Fork full after fork full the hunger pangs are not subsiding. In fact, they're getting worse. So the insanity continues and the eating becomes a feeding frenzy. Shoveling the food in but never arriving at the desired result, the removal of hunger. Eventually, the person is forced to stop or their stomach will explode. But, still, because of that feeling they will try to continue.
That's us bingers in a nutshell.
I also theorize that deep in our minds we are aware that we can't go on like this forever and who knows when the next time will be that we get to indulge this craving? So, we pour in as much as we can as quickly as we can. It's like trying to take candy away from a kid who has been let loose in a candy store.
Now, to answer how I stopped. Sadly, it took something monumental happening that proved to me that I had no business ever letting alcohol pass my lips ever again. I wish I had a crystal ball and could have seen into the future. But, none of us have that. So, the hope is we can heed the warnings from others on here before this happens.
The only way I stopped was to realize that there would never be an option for me to drink, no excuse that could be created. If you read any relapse thread on this board most begin with the same. The why. There can be NO why. Ever. How do you insure that? You fully accept that you can't drink. Saying forever is an overwhelming thing so you break it into each day. You make a plan and you fill that hole in your life with things that don't support drinking. You come here, or talk to someone you know before you take that drink. Take note of my signature line, that will never change. If I turn 80 and am on here that will remain the same.
Quitting is not easy, but I can't express to you enough that once you get past the hard part you'll realize just what a lie addiction is. It will never fix any problem you have, in fact, it will keep you from fixing problems. Because that's what it does. Plus, if you do it the right way, and work on doing things that will make life rewarding you'll begin to wonder how alcohol had the hold over you that it did in the first place.
I'll leave you with this. I am now over 9 months out. Yesterday, I saw a post on Facebook of two glasses filled with wine. I gagged. I laughed when I did it. I effectively hate alcohol and associate it with nothing good. Through retraining and diligence I now associate alcohol with complete darkness and being sick. My mind never pauses over the times of laughter and fun, it goes directly to the aftermath. It's an effective tool but I never thought I could actually end up gagging when seeing it. Lord I hope that doesn't happen someday in a restaurant hehe.
You CAN do this and feel that same way. Being here is a great start. Have you made a plan yet for the next time you feel that binge coming on? Don't let it happen, there is no WHY. Don't allow it.
There is a much better life waiting for you and the only thing that's stopping you from getting there is alcohol. Doesn't that make you want to hate it just a little bit?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 253
Wow - so many responses overnight. Too many to respond individually - but much appreciation for everyone who took the time to reply.
I'm close to tears reading it.
You have all managed to put a new perspective on it for me.
I didn't have a great night. My son isn't speaking to me - stayed out until he knew I'd gone to bed. We had a row via text. He doesn't understand - he says I don't care about them because if I did I wouldn't do it. I don't believe that's true. Everything I do when I am sober is for my family. I overcompensate because of the guilt I feel and I am sober way way way more than the binges I have. I let him get away with stuff just because I know he is angry but even I am getting to the point where I can't keep doing it. Regardless of my problem he is a grown man and he needs to start taking some responsibility. I wouldn't be doing my job as a mum would I if I didn't try and make him see that? Maybe it's just too soon after my last drink for me to approach him over it. It started over washing up believe it or not.
Someone asked how old I was - I'm actually a girl, 38. My life revolves around my family and making sure they are ok. I still feel that I'm not doing enough though - but I guess every parent is like that. I do also make sure I have time for myself and have good friends a family that I see. I have a career too but I've managed to get that to a point where I can fit it around my family. Actually looking at where my life is now (with many painful struggles along the way) anyone would think I was crazy to want to drink myself out of it.
Is there anything I can give my son to try and make him understand what it is like? We don't seem to be able to communicate verbally about this very well (and I'm still trying to get it straight in my own head as you can see from this thread) and I thought this morning an article or something might be a good place to start. Not a book - he would never read it.
I'm close to tears reading it.
You have all managed to put a new perspective on it for me.
I didn't have a great night. My son isn't speaking to me - stayed out until he knew I'd gone to bed. We had a row via text. He doesn't understand - he says I don't care about them because if I did I wouldn't do it. I don't believe that's true. Everything I do when I am sober is for my family. I overcompensate because of the guilt I feel and I am sober way way way more than the binges I have. I let him get away with stuff just because I know he is angry but even I am getting to the point where I can't keep doing it. Regardless of my problem he is a grown man and he needs to start taking some responsibility. I wouldn't be doing my job as a mum would I if I didn't try and make him see that? Maybe it's just too soon after my last drink for me to approach him over it. It started over washing up believe it or not.
Someone asked how old I was - I'm actually a girl, 38. My life revolves around my family and making sure they are ok. I still feel that I'm not doing enough though - but I guess every parent is like that. I do also make sure I have time for myself and have good friends a family that I see. I have a career too but I've managed to get that to a point where I can fit it around my family. Actually looking at where my life is now (with many painful struggles along the way) anyone would think I was crazy to want to drink myself out of it.
Is there anything I can give my son to try and make him understand what it is like? We don't seem to be able to communicate verbally about this very well (and I'm still trying to get it straight in my own head as you can see from this thread) and I thought this morning an article or something might be a good place to start. Not a book - he would never read it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Thanks Charlie for starting this thread and for mentioning it in the February group. Great reading for me this morning! I wasn't what you would call a binge drinker, I was a daily drinker, but all this still applies.
Happy Sober Day!
Happy Sober Day!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Charlotte, NC
Posts: 168
This: This is/was my irrational justification when I binge drank. I couldn't say it better...
Originally Posted by ladyblue0527
i also theorize that deep in our minds we are aware that we can't go on like this forever and who knows when the next time will be that we get to indulge this craving? So, we pour in as much as we can as quickly as we can.
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