bexxed

The cycle was so ugly. I thought, "damn, I'm an alcoholic. Look at what I'm doing, and have been doing for years." I'd piece together a bit of sober time that would end up "proving" I'm NOT an alcoholic. Just one would become just two, getting hammered once would be not a big deal. Now, getting hammered isn't a big deal. Back again. Rinse, repeat.

Around and around we go.

Part of my affliction is denial, throughout my life but really manifested in the identification of being an alcoholic. So, when I get those thoughts ((("you've been sober for six months, huh. Surely not an alcoholic. I think if you think about it you'll realize you really did love wine, always did. Right? Can't remember? Well, let's remember!"))) I put it off. Tomorrow. Later.

Truth is it's not even close to something I want to do. I don't want to drink gasoline, I don't want to drink alcohol. It's so complicated, everything is, when I'm drinking. Life is so much simpler now. One day at a time. 185 today.

B

Dee74

Great post Bexxed

It's really odd for me to think back to the way things used to be with booze, something that was once a massive part of my life, and to realise that I have as much chance of suddenly deciding to run into traffic as I do picking up a bottle again.

D

gettingsmarter

Bexxed it really is so much simpler now. When I took the option off the table I don't have to worry about choosing the option

yinzer

Congrats on 185!

PhoenixJ

185- that has a strong, reassuring ring to it.

Hevyn

We're so proud of you, bexxed. 185 days is fabulous.

Maudcat

Congratulations and very best wishes,bexxed. Keep it going.

january161992

heres a chip for ya

thomas11

Congrats on your 186 (now) days. You are so right about the cycle going round and round.