BatholithBabe

Hi Dee74

Thanks, and good question. My plan is as simple as I can possibly make it - not to put alcohol in my mouth. Along with my daily journaling/prayer time, daily 30 minute treadmill walk, learning to eat more nutritious foods and loving the feeling of waking up every morning sober. My husband had two small strokes in March and is off work recovering for the last two months. Still drinks, though not as much and this shot across the bow (he's had two having had triple bypass surgery in 2011) FINALLY made him stop smoking.

I lost both my elderly parents within the last two years as well as my Aunt. I am 56. Time for me. The stress has been immense, but I'm getting through it. If I keep drinking, I will get sick. I know it.

The other HUGE part of my plan, is checking in to this marvelous place everyday and feeling the high energy and trying to send some back to the beautiful souls here.

Love Peace and Harmony.

Mizzuno

Welcome back!

For many years I have ran into this issue with my H. I quit drinking and he carried on with drinking. There were arguments that would take place over this subject a lot. I would then resume drinking and all would be well again. A roller coaster that I could not seem to get off of or change.

A lot of truths came out when I quit drinking this time. If I was drinking then H felt he could drink however much and whenever. When I stopped, I would ask H to slow down or I would monitor what was taking place. In hindsight, I should not be monitoring and I should mind my own business but you dont know what you dont know.

2 months ago, I found myself in one of the most desperate places emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. I had to stop drinking and if that meant that I needed to leave my marriage in order to be safe then I was going to do that. I needed a safe place to live and I was not going to be around alcohol every single day in my sanctuary. I pay half of all the bills, mortgage and help to raise a child (my step son). If we could not come to an agreement of what was going to be acceptable with his drinking then I was out. Bye Bye.

The amount of alcohol I was drinking would of been concerning to anyone had I told them the truth about my consumption. I told him of my concerns and also said that I am surprised he is not concerned. I was deeply concerned for the two of us and what we were showing the teenager. Everything that was taking place was unhealthy in regards to drinking.

In my opinion, being in a marriage does not mean that we allow unhealthy behavior to continue just because we cannot ask someone to change what they are doing. It really came down to what I would NOW allow to be in my life and how I was going to live in my home with my family. It came down to the unhealthy nature of alcohol, the money spent, the time allotted, the fact that alcohol was ruining our life and that I refused to continue living in an alcoholic marriage. I was done going back and forth dealing with my issue, his issue and the issues created around alcohol. I was tired of the repeated alcohol issue year after year. I am too damn important to myself for this issue to continually manifest with no head way.

After many conversations and small arguments, getting out everything that was necessary. H and I decided that the working week was going to be spent working and having sober time away from alcohol. H only drinks on the weekend now after all the chores and business of life has been taken care of. He has two days of drinking. This is all. No more and it is not up for debate.

It is not that I am calling the shots. I may be a strong person but I do not run my H over and dominate him. This is about health and his own admittance to his alcohol consumption, my consumption and what that was doing to our family. Something had to give and it took both of us to make the change.

I am very grateful that we have finally made it to this place. His two days of drinking does not bother me. I have my own stuff to work on. His drinking is at a healthier level than it has ever been. I cannot complain.

It is very hard to get sober when a person is surrounded by alcohol. I dont care who you are, it is not something that I or anyone should have to do and it makes life more difficult than it should be.

Yes, we must take care of ourselves first. Yes, we cannot control others. That being said, we can control and should voice what we allow in our life and what that really means for our health.

I do understand this issue. Maybe what we are doing is unhealthy? Maybe this comes across as dominating? All I know is that I now live in a peaceful environment. My H cares about my life and his. Our arguments are non existent. Our life has major potential with this new path.

BatholithBabe

Thanks for that great reply, Mizzuno. We have a lot of common threads running through our separate lives.

Mizzuno

I do apologize for the LONG reply. I do know what you are enduring and how hard it is to gain sobriety and maintain it. You can do this. We all can. We must find what works for us and use it to its fullest.

We all have so much in common.