Unwound

I'd really like to share my drinking problem with someone close to me I think it would help support me. However my problem is still effecitvely concealed form the outside world and could have explosive impact on my job and other social issues. I really don't want my employee's or other people knowing about this. My brother's "larger than life" drinking problem has always put the spotlight on him and made it easy for me to draw a distinction between us (something up until recently encouraged) so most people's perception is that he has a problem and I am "ok".

I don't know who to tell out of the available people:

1) My wife, unfortunately is a blabbermouth, that sounds like I'm being mean but you don't stay married to somone for 17 years without knowing if they can keep a secret. I don't think she would tell people deliberately or spitefully: I just think it would "slip out" or should would post something she thinks is very "cryptic" on social media and it would be all over the place in a few days. Anything that is "big news" in her world she has to tell someone. So despite being the most obvious candidate I think no.

2) My daughter, we are very close and have very similar personalities however she is 16, doing her secondary school exams and I feel it is unfair to put her under the added stress of this.

3) My brother, who I am also close with but he is a raging alcoholic in denial so I can't see that working out.

4) My best friend, also a very heavy drinker and frequently out of the country at the moment.

5) Possibly my parents but I don't see that being very helpful, they will stress about it and probably make things worse.

Any suggestions welcome.

Maudcat

Welcome, Unwound. You don't say how ,much you are drinking, but I assume from your post that it is worrying you.
Is AA a posibility for you? The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking, and it is completely confidential.
This site is a safe place to share. People will not judge. You might consider joining the January "class" which is specific support for those struggling to stop. A new class begins every month.
And, finally, therapy. A good therapist can help. Again, completely confidential. Good luck.

Nowsthetime

Tell us, show them.


Nobody in my life thinks I have a problem, but that's for me to decide.

This is all up to us. Do you have a plan yet? That has really helped me.

Hope to see you around and welcome to the fam.

Unwound

Sorry I mentioned my drinking in a previous thread but I realise nobody will read them all, my drinking was bad: 2 bottles of vodka a week, working up to 3 with 3-4 bottles of wine on top.

I quit just over 3 weeks ago and feel much better for it, no I'm trying to fill in the blanks of my "normal life", without booze.

D122y

Unwound,

The less f2f people you tell, other then AA folks, the less pressure you will feel.

Being labeled an official alky is not ideal.

My drunk family has constantly made annoying situations out of my quitting.

My wife blabbed to everyone as well initially. That put pressure on me not to relapse. I have joked that i was drinking vodka straight...water in a solo cup etc.... before to my 13 year old. He got serious. So there is that.

If it will hurt your job to be diagnosed as an alky, i understand. Me too. We can drink as much as we want where i work, just don't have a problem.

So..imo...never admit anything....except here and AA.

Thanks.

bandicoot2

Hi & welcome Unwound!

As others have mentioned, SR is a safe place to vent & share. The collective 'we' know what you are going through and can offer support, advice & shared experiences.

When I tried to convince family & friends of my drinking problem, I was met with disbelief. Then of course I started to doubt my problem.

Doug39

I don't and wouldn't bring up my alcoholism unless someone asks me why I don't drink anymore.

I am on a three month leave from work for depression and anxiety; my alcoholism is the main reason behind my depression and anxiety but my employer doesn't know this and I will never tell them.

Keep it quiet if it will cause harm to your reputation.

Forward12

I would have to agree with above that in the end, not speaking openly about your issue with your family usually is the best option to take.
I think many of us do want the support of those that are close to us, but most times they won't understand, or worse, take it in a bad way. Unfortunately having the "addict" label on you can leave you branded for life.
Though there is tons of support out there with people who do understand and care such as on this forum, aa, addiction therapists, etc,..

totfit

Well.........you told us. That is really a good start. Start your sober journey and your confidant will become apparent along the way.

bluedog97

I understand the dilemma too. Having a support system is invaluable. My family isn't much of a support. They either don't want to believe Im an alcoholic or are too self-centered to care. Its frustrating. Having others believe you when you say you have a problem can go a long way to erase self-doubt. At the same time, you have to worry about your reputation. I would seek out a professional to talk openly about your problem in confidence.

columbus

Unwound--

Serious question:

Don't you think the people in your life already know?

finaltime

Yeah I told the people in NA and AA. Then slowly I could sense who it was okay to talk about my recovery too. That was the same with me..they knew. I thought I had everyone fooled.

soberandhonest

Tell us, show them. I like that.

fgo

Unwound,
I agree with the above. You came clean to the people here on sr, we understand. stay sober, make the changes. Everyone will benefit, especially you. Great job.

Unwound

I think my daughter knows really, there are some comments she has made after I announced I was stopping drinking that makes me think she has been more aware than she lets on. I think if she felt she could help more then she would but she is up to her neck in mock exams and then real exams in a few months and already stressed out.

I think my wife might suspect but my bro being such an "out there" alcoholic has really made her think that's what one is, and I'm not doing "that". I also really do think if I talk to her about it she will think it's ok to talk to others and I don't want that.

Michael66

Like others I would say not to feel pressure to tell people until and unless you feel comfortable so doing. But you can be sure people here won't be judgemental, will understand, and will be supportive and sympathetic in times of success and in any times of failure.

doggonecarl

I'm not sure what kind of "support" you envision? Being told by normal drinkers or non-drinkers that it's great you are doing something--not drinking-that they think is easy?

When you say support, what do you mean?

And if your support expectations aren't met? Are you going to resent telling them?

You want to share you drinking problem? That's what AA helps with. Go to a meeting. Share away.

zerothehero

I used to tell people I was doing a cleanse and taking a break from alcohol, and for years this was the truth. When I decided I needed to stop for good, I still told people I was doing a cleanse. I avoided announcing I was in recovery because I didn't trust myself not to relapse. Now that it's been three years, most people don't know I'm in recovery; they just think I don't drink. It's none of their business.

I'm fortunate I could talk with my wife about it. I couldn't hide it from her, mostly because I was pretty crazed in early sobriety, but also because it was obvious I wasn't drinking. I think it's important to get support from immediate family, but I don't know your family.

In retrospect, though, now that I know about the studies that say people in long term recovery relapsed an average of something like six times, I don't feel so bad about fearing my ability to maintain sobriety. Still, my job would have been on the line, as well, and after three years people at work have figured out that I no longer drink, but I don't talk about recovery with them. I've told a few people that my mom was an alcoholic, so at a certain point I decided I would be better off alcohol-free. That's an honest answer without telling people I was drunk off my ass for years.

entropy1964

Do you have a faith? If so maybe the pastor or priest or spiritual leader?

I concur that unloading a very adult situation on your daughter is a bad idea. I have a hard time believing she doesn't already know however. My dad was a serious alcoholic and I didn't talk to him 'about it' until I was in my 20's. It was the elephant in the living room. I have a 16 year old daughter who definitely knows I'm a drunk. She just wants things ok. She doesn't really want or need to talk about it too much. She's the most important person to both of us (haha) so she just wants a normal Mom.

Outonthetiles

No need to tell the world...the world's just not that interested. I kept my drinking secret and my recovery secret. SR is the only place I've shared what I went through. My sponsors are via text and telephone calls only.
My recovery has been wonderful and there was no need to emote or burden other people who aren't alcoholics. Cowboy up and keep it to yourself and SR.