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Old 12-30-2016, 03:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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I am so ANGRY right now...warning, rambling vent


I am too angry to eat and DH is out of town. That's a lot of HALT.

Over Thanksgiving my parents finally agreed to moving to assisted living, with a move-in date of 1/14. They needed a TB chest X-ray and some medical paperwork filled out first, so I called the famous schmancy teaching hospital where they have been patients for 40 years and made them appointments for 12/16. I told them they needed the tests and were bringing paperwork.

I then mailed extra copies to the clinic, with a note saying what appointment it was for. I also called again four days ahead and asked them again to put the reasons they were coming in in the notes.

A week later, nothing had been done. I have now made a dozen phone calls over the last week and talked to 8 nurses and front office staff and nobody can tell me for sure where that paperwork is, let alone if it's being worked on.

Then they called my husband's work cell (a number I never gave them, but they keep calling it no matter what number I leave) to say my parents, whose cognition has slipped dramatically the last couple of weeks, need to get chest X-rays. Well, no ****, THAT'S WHAT THE APPOINTMENTS 12/16 WERE FOR?

So now we have to figure out how to get that done in the next two weeks from four states away and oh, nobody knows where the paperwork is. My last message today was not returned. I have their primary's email, but he's mostly retired and has thrown it back on me. I emailed the doc they met with...he is ignoring me.

Every last person has been patronizing, apathetic, and borderline rude, despite the fact that I have remained polite throughout this fustercluck.

Oh, and I finally called the complaint desk today...they closed early.

I can't remember wanting to drink more than right now in all of my 364 days. I won't, but the root beer I powered down isn't doing it.



If you've read this far, you are a kind and generous person.
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Old 12-30-2016, 03:24 PM   #2 (permalink)
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That is very frustrating.. because you're trying to get things done and you can't do anything to get people to do their jobs.. Glad you're hanging in.
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Old 12-30-2016, 03:27 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Ruh roh.

I don't have a gif for this.

This is all going to get sorted out. I'm sorry if you are the one who has been elected to do so.

Don't drink at it. You know that would be a disaster.
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Old 12-30-2016, 04:13 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I'd be putting in a call to the Head Honcho at the hospital to state your frustration.
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Old 12-30-2016, 04:22 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Thing is? If can't get paperwork and X-rays in time...they can't move in.

And I have non-refundable plane tickets to go move them in.

(And clean out their house and put it up for sale.)

(Runs in circles screaming.)

It helped to get it out, though. Thanks.
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Old 12-30-2016, 04:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Aries, dealing with aging parents is so difficult and I truly sympathize with you. Before my father passed away, I was in a similar situation with him and he lived thousands of miles away. Hang in there with the phone calls and hopefully you can get this worked out.
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Old 12-30-2016, 04:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I'm wishing hoping and praying this gets sorted out in time aries

D
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Old 12-30-2016, 06:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Dealing with incompetent people is the worst. Hang in there and try to be patient. Aren't you glad you are sober?
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Old 12-30-2016, 06:21 PM   #9 (permalink)
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what a pain...I hope they find the paperwork fast.
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Old 12-30-2016, 06:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Aries I'm so sorry. But so glad you aren't drinking. I get so much ESH from you so no drinking for you

This is probably a dumb question, but can anyone from the assisted living place help coordinate? Patient advocate maybe?
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Old 12-30-2016, 06:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Thanks, Frick, and likewise.



Actually, the AL people have been terrific...responsive, patient, and sensitive. They actually talked me off the ledge yesterday by saying this was pretty much S.O.P. with this particular hospital. So it's not personal. There's that. #eyeroll

Feeling better. Thank you everyone. (Chasing the root beer with a Double Raspberry Dark Chocolate Magnum ice cream bar didn't hurt, either...I'll be pudgy but I'll be sober!)
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Old 12-30-2016, 07:21 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Phew, pudgy-but-sober Aries - I was having sympathetic anxiety / frustration attacks along with you whilst reading of this schamozzle!

Frick's thought is exactly the one that came to me too, especially given all the 'locked-in' dates for flights, and all the rest. You didn't say what actions the assisted living people are undertaking to help sort it out so your parents can still be moved in on that date.

(Thinking like an old admin type used to dealing with obstructive government departments and the rest): I wondered - you've wisely kept them up to speed with this hold up by the hospital; hopefully they've kept records of all this at their end; ergo - can they formally say (in writing) that your parents can indeed move in on the planned date, knowing that the tests and med records from the hospital are 'pending SOON'.

I realise they probably have a bunch of legal duty of care things to cover off on for every new admission (hence the usual requirement for obtaining TB test results and med records before admittance)....but it's worth a try?

If you've thought of that, and it's not viable - the only thing I can think of right now is indeed, as least recommends too, to keep at the highest levels of the hospital in question AND your parents' usual doctor there, or if he's off skiing in the Alps or something over NY (couldn't resist), then don't hesitate for a minute to lump this on the desk of the hospital's CEO / Head of Med Services / Head of Complaints etc: multiple written copies and phone calls direct to their offices.

It's what we used to call in the government work I was in, as 'generating a Ministerial' - i.e. go to the top. Politely, yet - um - very assertively. cc'ing as many head people as possible also can have a curiously infectious effect

And as the ancient saying has it: 'don't let the turkeys bring you down'
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Old 12-30-2016, 07:24 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Old 12-30-2016, 07:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Hi Aries. Glad you came here to talk about it. Very sorry you had to experience such frustration. Proud of you for only going the Root beer/Magnum route. Nicely handled.
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Old 12-30-2016, 07:44 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Things like this make my blood boil. I've worked in legal for years and have a lot of experience working with, for and against medical providers. When I have an issue I will put every complaint and concern in writing and then I fax and mail it to them. Forget the phone I like faxing things to them. That way you have a time stamped date of request. They don't like that.

If you can't get their fax send them a letter, certified if you're really mad. Outline all of your prior requests in your written correspondence and state what it is you want them to do.

You can also leave a review on Yelp or Google. That tends to get results. I really use these tactics as a last resort. They've really complicated things for you so it's time to play hardball! Good luck to you and your parents!
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Old 12-30-2016, 09:14 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Two years ago I managed to get released from a cardiac rehab which was exposing me to unacceptable risk (e.g. emergency call buttons which failed to function properly, a non English speaking cleaning woman nearly pulling a Foley catheter out of my urethra by entangling the catheter with a vacuum cleaner cord at 5:30 a.m. when I was asleep. This would have resulted in unbelievable pain, a 911 call for ambulance (the call would have to be made only with approval of a central desk manned by only one night technician) for immediate surgery at the ER, possible permanent damage to the urethra, prostate and already infected bladder, plus the likelihood of a stroke or heart attack (it was a cardiac rehab following a heart valve replacement). I told them that if they did not consent to an immediate release I would have to consult my attorney. In medical circles this gets attention but is obviously a move which should be considered only if threatened with catastrophic loss. Never consider suing in medical situations unless the alternatives may be personal bankruptcy (like going AMA and having to pay all accrued medical costs) or loss of life. Never sue for financial gain.

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Old 12-30-2016, 09:23 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Hi Aries,

I am so sorry you are still dealing with all of this. Do your parents have a social worker assigned to them? When my mom was in rehab this summer she had a social worker and she was able to help coordinate different tests she needed to go for. I have also been able to contact her personal doctor when she was back in with congestive heart failure.

I know how difficult it is being far away and trying to navigate the medical system. I know it is a holiday weekend now, but hopefully you are able to get in touch with someone first thing Monday. You may be better off trying to deal with the AL, maybe they have a social worker who can start acting on behalf of your parents.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way, and when all else fails there is chocolate. Since you will have one year of sobriety on the 1st you will need some sort of new resolution, so eat as much chocolate as possible between now and Sunday!!

❤️Delilah
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Old 12-31-2016, 01:49 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Old 12-31-2016, 04:41 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Sorry, Aries, for your worry. I try to think positively when things like this happen to me, as in, it will work out. Many AL facilities have "try out" periods, where potential clients spend a night or two or three to see if they would find it a good fit. If the paperwork isn't resolved in time, perhaps your parents can be try out visitors for a bit? I am sure the AL facility is experienced with this type of thing and can maybe help make it happen. All will be well. Good luck, and let us know how it all goes. I have an elderly parent that I am trying to keep in her home for as long as it is safe for her, but I think eventually she will be going into care.
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