Relationship Advice Needed
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
You can view this as your HP giving you an opportunity to do the right, sober thing for yourself. This will make you stronger....taking a stand and saying nope will be empowering.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I would throw myself into my recovery
placing it top priority and focus on continueing
to build a strong solid foundation to live
upon for yrs to come.
1 yr sober is a huge accomplishment but
there is lots of work still to be done on
ourselves at this point in our newly sober
lives.
It takes everything we have within ourselves
to remain sober just for ourselves and then
to take on a new relationship at this early
stage of recovery would be adding more
emotions to our program and selves than
necessary.
Focus on what is most important and top
priority which is recovery and learning
to live a healthy, happy, honest life is absolutely
a full plate with no room for outside distractions
relationships that would keep us sick in our addiction
and slow the recovery progress that we are desperately
seeking to achieve.
Folks will be doing whatever they need
to do to remain sober, some running over others
just to get what they need which is selfish,
self satisfaction never minding who they
hurt in the meantime.
Folks with good sobriety that live and
incorporate what they have learned
thru steps and principles then they
should know right off the bat to not
get emotionally or physically involved
with a newcomer or someone still new
in recovery like at a yr sobriety.
Just because someone has so many year
sober and attends meeting doesn't necessarily
means he or she is living a solid, healthy, happy,
honest, rewarding life in recovery. They
can be BSing themselves and others around
them for all we know. Of course we also
learn that it is not our place to take anothers
inventory. Focusing on ourselves is a tall
order in itself to fill for sure.
Take care of you and listen to your gut
because it wont steer you wrong. If you
are not ready to chair at this point, talk
to your sponsor and let the chairperson
know in advance that you are not ready
to chair and need to cancel.
You will know when its your time to
chair and share in a meeting as you continue
to learn and grow in recovery and life.
placing it top priority and focus on continueing
to build a strong solid foundation to live
upon for yrs to come.
1 yr sober is a huge accomplishment but
there is lots of work still to be done on
ourselves at this point in our newly sober
lives.
It takes everything we have within ourselves
to remain sober just for ourselves and then
to take on a new relationship at this early
stage of recovery would be adding more
emotions to our program and selves than
necessary.
Focus on what is most important and top
priority which is recovery and learning
to live a healthy, happy, honest life is absolutely
a full plate with no room for outside distractions
relationships that would keep us sick in our addiction
and slow the recovery progress that we are desperately
seeking to achieve.
Folks will be doing whatever they need
to do to remain sober, some running over others
just to get what they need which is selfish,
self satisfaction never minding who they
hurt in the meantime.
Folks with good sobriety that live and
incorporate what they have learned
thru steps and principles then they
should know right off the bat to not
get emotionally or physically involved
with a newcomer or someone still new
in recovery like at a yr sobriety.
Just because someone has so many year
sober and attends meeting doesn't necessarily
means he or she is living a solid, healthy, happy,
honest, rewarding life in recovery. They
can be BSing themselves and others around
them for all we know. Of course we also
learn that it is not our place to take anothers
inventory. Focusing on ourselves is a tall
order in itself to fill for sure.
Take care of you and listen to your gut
because it wont steer you wrong. If you
are not ready to chair at this point, talk
to your sponsor and let the chairperson
know in advance that you are not ready
to chair and need to cancel.
You will know when its your time to
chair and share in a meeting as you continue
to learn and grow in recovery and life.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Ah, your classic recovery predator. Bet you're not the only one who's fallen for his crap over his so-called sober years. Pity the woman he lives with.
You made a mistake, but you don't have to keep making it. Find another group, go no contact (he's the type who will string you along just for the fun of it and because it feeds his sick ego), and stay far, far away.
What a yutz.
You made a mistake, but you don't have to keep making it. Find another group, go no contact (he's the type who will string you along just for the fun of it and because it feeds his sick ego), and stay far, far away.
What a yutz.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Lombard
Posts: 29
So, how ironically enough...the night of the meeting that we normally attend together, I will be meeting with my Sponsor to do my Fifth Step, instead.
This is DEFINITELY making it on my Fourth Step Inventory. Amongst many, many other things, I believe my Fifth Step will serve as good closure to this entire ordeal.
I cannot thank each & every one of you for your support. You saved me in more ways than I can ever express.
This is DEFINITELY making it on my Fourth Step Inventory. Amongst many, many other things, I believe my Fifth Step will serve as good closure to this entire ordeal.
I cannot thank each & every one of you for your support. You saved me in more ways than I can ever express.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
Healthy relationships between two emotionally sound (and single) adults don't eat us up inside. Excited, happy, yes. This? NO.
You know where this is headed...why go there?
You know where this is headed...why go there?
I can tell you that now that I have a relationship where I am secure, KNOW I am loved brilliantly, respected, treated with the truth, kindness and sensitivity.....it's joyful and peaceful (and fun and silly and sexy, too). I will never leave him (A) but B....now that I know that THIS is possible and what it is supposed to be like- truly- I won't put myself through the BS, uncertainty, tears, what-ifs and thought-he-woulds and alllll the variations on .... lesser.
Please take care of yourself here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hi recoverylady, I hope you put yourself first. My recommendation is to keep your distance from this guy. Find other meetings to attend, and be clear with him that you no longer want contact and that your sobriety comes first. You can get through this.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Just a side note....."forgetting the bum and moving on" is exactly what we need to do- and it sucks. Even when there's plenty of evidence for doing just that. I can relate (oh, the stories) - and it does take time. Sober, I have control over how much time I "let" that take- I had one gent in early recovery I let too far "in" - I knew him from AA as well....and I managed to get out of it within a few weeks.
Take care of yourself- don't drink- focus on you.
Take care of yourself- don't drink- focus on you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
