wpainterw

Again as I see it the important issue is what would alcohol do? My impression is that it would (1) make me more depressed and emotionally unstable, undo what has been given to me and what I have achieved after 28 years, (2) interfere with the pain medications. As to the latter, there would be no plan to get off the pain medications as would be necessary if we were talking about surgery on a non terminal patient. We would be talking hospice. Namely recognizing the inevitability of imminent death and relying on doctors, who know best about these things, to make death, when it approaches and takes place, as painless as possible and not a frightening experience. Who would want to die after fighting DT's for several weeks due to drinking just to reminisce about a transitory "buzz" I might have achieved 28 or more years ago? A lousy buzz from a lousy Faustian bargain? Would I want to say goodbye to my family drunk as in the days long ago? Leave them with those memories, saying, "We told you so! The leopard never changes its spots!" If you want to die more painfully, more unhappy, more confused, less serene, "rage, rage against the dying of the light" (Dylan Thomas actually referring to his father's increasing blindness but also applicable to the way he died from alcoholism), then drink yourself to death. Reminisce about the horrors you went through so long ago. Revisit that hell.
So it's easy does it, one day at a time as the time runs out, continuing with the type of sobriety appropriate to the situation, relying on doctors to cope with pain, not being preoccupied with a sobriety "track record", not hoping to earn more "chips", but enjoying the days or hours one has left. As you only get one chance to live you only get one chance to die peacefully and serene. Leave it to the doctors. When the time comes you'll be glad you did.

W.

EndGameNYC

I don't know what you're trying to accomplish or why you're so persistent about it, but it's not very helpful and doesn't reveal anything new in any meaningful way. You have a theory about me, my thinking and, ultimately, about my sobriety, and you're in the process of assembling evidence to confirm your theory. Of course, each time I reject your theory, you interpret it as more proof that I am in denial. Again, I've been sober for more than thirty of the past thirty three years, having once relapsed for three years. I've worked very hard to get and to stay sober. With that, I am in a very small minority.

I can only imagine that you have some sort of difficulty with the way that I've achieved sobriety, as though my having relapsed and my admitting that I have uncertainty about my future -- what I'll be thinking and what I'll do when I'm about to die -- represents a dangerous blind spot or is some sort of red flag that I'm planning a relapse, consciously or otherwise.

I'm not really sorry to disappoint you but, yes, my own experience tells me a whole lot about getting sober, living a good life, and about recovering from a nasty relapse. As well as about helping others to achieve sobriety.

I think our discussion is done. Your providing me with additional warnings about my apparently planning to drink again is not good for either one of us.

It might be better for you to turn your efforts towards people who are currently struggling with getting sober and with other, more pressing matters.

shauninspain

No. I would want to spend my last days walking with my dog on the beach. Not crapping myself in bed and vomiting all down my front.

wpainterw

Well, I guess everyone is entitled to his or her own preferences. Seems odd to have vomit on one's bucket list but under some circumstances a bucket could be rather helpful, if not essential. As to the other, since it's your bed (thankfully not mine) the choice is yours as to what you want to do in it. Plan ahead in 2017! Happy New Year!

W.

Maudcat

Honestly, I don't know.

wheresthefun

For me, I think it would depend. I'm assuming, having been given this dire prognosis, I ain't feeling too good. Well, I'm feeling pretty bad right now, pounding headache, stuffy, achy... BUT, I'm pretty confident that I'll be getting better (although, there's no guarantee). Now, if I feel like this, and it's not only going to to not get better, but worse, I think there's a good chance I'll start drinking, if for nothing else, but to hasten my demise. I'm also assuming I wouldn't be concerned with hangovers and such, because I'd already be in pretty bad shape, how much worse could alcohol make me feel???

All that said, I cannot say for sure, but I'd like to think, as long as I can still have a decent quality of life, I'd hope I would stay sober.

I know this is jumbled, but so is my noodle, not to mention that my head feels like it's being squashed in a vice.

Hercules

Absolutely not.....
drinking in the end for me was the worst pain and suffering I have been through why on earth would I want to add that to the pain of a terminal illness makes absolutely no sence. I would want to leave with my pride and dignity that I got over my demons and did not die a drunk!!!
I do not have any conditions on my sobriety!

shauninspain

I think you have misinterpreted my post. I wouldn't want to spend my last days doing those things.

Della1968

I pondered this quite often when Robby was sick. I would love to say definitely no but I don't feel like it's something I can really know unless I am in that situation. I would not want to spend the end of my life the hot mess I was shaking and having panic attacks but I honestly can't say 100% I wouldn't.

NewRomanMan

No way. I would want my family to know I died fighting the good fight. I wouldn't slap God in the face after having been granted release from my disease.

LadyBlue0527

No but I do want to thank you for the question.

It cements what I already believe which is I don't associate drinking as a reward anymore. To say that I would drink if I found out I was going to die would denote that for some reason I am currently denying myself something that I miss.

My sig line stills holds fast and I don't see that changing. Ever.

You might really want to think about why you asked though. What can you do in life that will help you to stop feel like you're missing out?

SweatyHands

It does me nothing but harm to contemplate hypotheticals like this. If I come up with a scenario where I can rationalize picking up the bottle again, it becomes an incredibly slippery slope. I quickly start creating other qualifiers in my head to allow myself to drink. I have never had a reason to drink, but my excuses to drink are inexhaustible.

For me, I simply could not put my family through the pain of spending my last days with me as a drunken train wreck. I do not want people to remember me as the horrible mess that I was when I was drinking. And picking up the drink again to "ease the pain" of facing my own mortality would ensure that I would leave behind the legacy of a sad old drunk, waiting to die.

Also, life is a terminal condition. So for me to put qualifiers on how and when I would compromise my sobriety, to me, is the same as never having given up the drink in the first place.

Zebra1275

No.

madgirl

No way!

silentrun

I don't think that I would and I'm only 46 days off the cigs but almost 4 years off the booze. Breaking free of the smoking has made me realize what a slave I was to the substance I put in my body.

I'm free. I'm comfortable with out those things and using either again would just wake up the beast that can never be satisfied.

JoeCree

I think this scenario was played out in the hollywood film version : Poseidon.
One of the musician actors was apparently years in recovery.
Upon finding out the wave was going to destroy the ship and basically everyone was facing imminent death he poured himself a brandy. In this instance i wouldnt call it a relapse.
If i was terminally ill i wouldnt drink again. Terminal illness can go on for months or even years.
If however i was on a plane ready to crash - meh why not?

Fedup1234

I quit so that I can enjoy my life to the fullest, I would want to enjoy those last days even more.

2ndhandrose

Nope, not for nothing.

One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because I didn't want to die a drunk.

Dee74

There wouldn't be enough alcohol on that plane to satisfy/calm me down/make me forget Joe.

D

Carlotta

Nope, with my luck I would start drinking again then the doctor would call me and said that it was a false positive and that I am going to live after all.
I d be stuck dealing with my drinking self which is not pretty and I really don't know if I have another recovery in me.