Anybody else emotionally dead?
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Originally Posted by Venecia 
Hi, Rorschach,
First, congratulations on two years of sobriety. That is no small accomplishment. You have much for which to be proud.
I'm sober 3.5 years. With time, I've come to see how much alcohol artificially created emotions for me. Drenching myself in a depressant ...
No one should feel dead, but I know what it's like, too. From my perspective, it's your soul telling you it's time to get help. I began getting help for depression earlier this year. It's made a big difference in my life.
First, congratulations on two years of sobriety. That is no small accomplishment. You have much for which to be proud.
I'm sober 3.5 years. With time, I've come to see how much alcohol artificially created emotions for me. Drenching myself in a depressant ...
No one should feel dead, but I know what it's like, too. From my perspective, it's your soul telling you it's time to get help. I began getting help for depression earlier this year. It's made a big difference in my life.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
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Hey-
At two years I kinda had the same thing. I kept at it. I did still see improvement even after two years. Now I'm closer to 6 years and my young daughter and girlfriend give me new reason to feel in my life. Time and new experiences and relationships can help.
At two years I kinda had the same thing. I kept at it. I did still see improvement even after two years. Now I'm closer to 6 years and my young daughter and girlfriend give me new reason to feel in my life. Time and new experiences and relationships can help.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by Therorschach81
emotionally dead is the best way I can describe it. I don't feel sad or depressed, I was both of those things when I was drinking. It was the greatest feeling ever when I first gave up the bottle, then it regulated out to a sense of normality. Slowly, it turned into nothingness. There's no more fear, anger, love or anything. I float through life. I don't think stacking mind altering drugs on the situation is the answer as some others have suggested. I have no intention of drinking again, however I do miss feeling something, hell anything at this point. I was really hoping this was normal lol.
Two years...that's a long time to feel that way. But I think I had bouts with that for at least two years. For me it was so much an inability to feel anything as an inability to enjoy anything. I shouldn't say I didn't enjoy anything but rather I didn't know how to enjoy my favorite things without getting drunk. Especially music! That was a bitter pill to swallow since music has always been a huge part of my life.
To make a long post a little bit longer, eventually those feelings have passed. It sucks but I had to go though a lot of darkness to finally reach the light. I've faced some health issues, the death of my dad and a lot of big changes in my personal life over the last five years. It was very difficult at times but it has been the crucible that forged me into a better, more authentic person. I wish the cost to myself and others could have been lower but ultimately I'm in a better place.
It wouldn't hurt to consult a doctor if you're able. While we can't give medical advice I will say for my own part that I was surprised at how long I continued to change mentally and emotionally after getting sober. It's been over four years now so one would think I'm "finished" but it feels like I'm still adapting to sober life.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus
Well, in my opinion that is...normal. Anhedonia is an inability to feel pleasure, and when I first quit drinking I began to fear that was how I'd be forever. The 'emotions' you get from a bottle are erratic, powerful but unfocused. I think I liked drinking because it took me places emotionally that I couldn't reach sober. Probably because I was emotionally closed off in a lot of ways. When I drank I called it "The Journey" and each night I would let the bottle take me where it would.
Two years...that's a long time to feel that way. But I think I had bouts with that for at least two years. For me it was so much an inability to feel anything as an inability to enjoy anything. I shouldn't say I didn't enjoy anything but rather I didn't know how to enjoy my favorite things without getting drunk. Especially music! That was a bitter pill to swallow since music has always been a huge part of my life.
To make a long post a little bit longer, eventually those feelings have passed. It sucks but I had to go though a lot of darkness to finally reach the light. I've faced some health issues, the death of my dad and a lot of big changes in my personal life over the last five years. It was very difficult at times but it has been the crucible that forged me into a better, more authentic person. I wish the cost to myself and others could have been lower but ultimately I'm in a better place.
It wouldn't hurt to consult a doctor if you're able. While we can't give medical advice I will say for my own part that I was surprised at how long I continued to change mentally and emotionally after getting sober. It's been over four years now so one would think I'm "finished" but it feels like I'm still adapting to sober life.
Two years...that's a long time to feel that way. But I think I had bouts with that for at least two years. For me it was so much an inability to feel anything as an inability to enjoy anything. I shouldn't say I didn't enjoy anything but rather I didn't know how to enjoy my favorite things without getting drunk. Especially music! That was a bitter pill to swallow since music has always been a huge part of my life.
To make a long post a little bit longer, eventually those feelings have passed. It sucks but I had to go though a lot of darkness to finally reach the light. I've faced some health issues, the death of my dad and a lot of big changes in my personal life over the last five years. It was very difficult at times but it has been the crucible that forged me into a better, more authentic person. I wish the cost to myself and others could have been lower but ultimately I'm in a better place.
It wouldn't hurt to consult a doctor if you're able. While we can't give medical advice I will say for my own part that I was surprised at how long I continued to change mentally and emotionally after getting sober. It's been over four years now so one would think I'm "finished" but it feels like I'm still adapting to sober life.
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I already know what they are going to tell me. "your depressed, here's some drugs!! Drugs I say!!"
Missing a state of mind you feel only alcohol gave you is not a great place for guys like us to be.
No harm in sounding out some options, right?
D
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Join Date: Dec 2016
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Originally Posted by Dee74
If you have a reluctance to take meds they may be able to suggest other options for help.
Missing a state of mind you feel only alcohol gave you is not a great place for guys like us to be.
No harm in sounding out some options, right?
D
Missing a state of mind you feel only alcohol gave you is not a great place for guys like us to be.
No harm in sounding out some options, right?
D
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Originally Posted by Therorschach81
Thanks for the in depth reply. It sounds like you really understand where I'm at. Going to a doctor probably isn't going to happen because I already know what they are going to tell me. "your depressed, here's some drugs!! Drugs I say!!" Maybe I just need a little more time. I just hope it's not a long lasting thing because having to pretend to give a crap about people who I'm supposed to "love" and making the giant effort to appear normal is a grind.
IMO there is kind of a 'fake it til you make it' technique, or at least there has been with me. I know it's hard to be patient but it take a long time.
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Location: Pacific Coast
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It's not just you. I'm nearly 4 years sober and still feel (or don't feel) the same.
Whether it's "normal" or not is open to question. There does seem to be a subset of recovering alcoholics/addicts whose emotional capacity stubbornly resists recovering for a long time after quitting.
It's especially hard at holiday time when there's so much societal pressure to feel "joyous," and you can't explain that your "joy" circuits just don't seem to work right anymore.
I would think the best you can do is try your best to provide as fertile an environment for fostering authentic feelings as you can. AA, therapy, or medication (although you indicated you're against this approach) might help. I encourage myself to participate in activities that might conceivably result in pleasure down the line even if they don't do anything for me at present.
Glad you posted (well, as "glad" as I'm able to feel, anyway)
Whether it's "normal" or not is open to question. There does seem to be a subset of recovering alcoholics/addicts whose emotional capacity stubbornly resists recovering for a long time after quitting.
It's especially hard at holiday time when there's so much societal pressure to feel "joyous," and you can't explain that your "joy" circuits just don't seem to work right anymore.
I would think the best you can do is try your best to provide as fertile an environment for fostering authentic feelings as you can. AA, therapy, or medication (although you indicated you're against this approach) might help. I encourage myself to participate in activities that might conceivably result in pleasure down the line even if they don't do anything for me at present.
Glad you posted (well, as "glad" as I'm able to feel, anyway
)
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