EarnestTBass49

I've not drank in 5 days now and I'm feeling much better. Some things have happened in those 5 days and I'm not sure how to process them yet. Four days ago, a family member stayed the night and got hammered on oxy and alcohol and made a complete idiot out of themselves. I'm sure I did that many times. It made me angry. Another instance I was fixing something for my youngest daughter and she ask me "Daddy, why are you shaking so much?" My heart sunk and I wanted to cry! The last thing was that my oldest girl had planned for herself, her boyfriend and my youngest girl to go take a ride out of town to look at Christmas lights. She called me about an hour crying before we were to leave and tells me that her boyfriend isn't going because he's too drunk. I was happy that I wasn't drinking because I probably would have done something stupid. Is this a healthy reaction to develop such a hatred for alcohol and drugs? I don't hate the people but more the substance and what it does. Now that I've said that, I'm sure the triggers and situations will be super difficult for me.

least

I was a stay at home drunk, and the only people who saw me at my worst were my kids (teenagers). That's bad enough.

I also hated alcohol when I was early in recovery. Now I don't hate it, just know it's not for me.

ZenLifter

Hell, I hated it when people got sloppy, stupid drunk even when I was still drinking. They were amateurs, you see. I was a pro....or thus was my twisted logic at the time

EarnestTBass49

Thank you Least. That was how I was (am). A stay at home drunk, get a bottle and go hibernate somewhere then hate on myself afterward.

Anna

Hmm, I hated myself far more than the alcohol. I never, ever blamed the alcohol, only myself.

I think it's normal to feel extreme emotions in the early days. Stay focused and you will be fine.

Midwest1981

I think it is great that you hate it. If it keeps you away from it you should hate it all you want too. (or hate the abuse of it)

It does destroy lives and families.

EarnestTBass49

Oh for sure I hated myself Anna, no doubt about that. It's just weird I guess because I'm picturing myself and what I was like because there's probably not too many embarrassing situations I've not been in because of being high or drunk

Outonthetiles

That's how I felt too. I sometimes didn't even go out on New Years. I was a pro, and partying on New Years was for amateurs.

Mklove

Mostly I was a stay at home drunk in the past 15 years, I had my husband and best friend to get hammered with, she died from cirrhosis which certainly woke me up. I don't hate alcohol but I really hate what a hold it had on all of us, especially the secrets it made her keep about her health, and my drunken blindness to the toll it was taking.

Berrybean

I hate having other people acting as mirrors to show me my past behaviour and how it affected others (people I care about and others).

PhoenixJ

No comments, no advice- but thoughts and prayers. PJ

Delilah1

Me too Anna.

Dee74

I went through a period of irritability, hatred for addiction, and low tolerance for drunks...

I still hate addiction but for the rest I got over myself eventually.

There but for the grace of God..

D

EarnestTBass49

Good morning all! I'm learning to deal with life issues without getting high or drunk. Currently dealing with child support issues, it seems that every time I turn around, they're saying I owe this or that. Thankful to be working today, that makes it easier to deal with as well as venting on SR. Thank you to everyone for listening

MLD51

I don't hate alcohol. I also hated myself way more than I hated alcohol. I DO hate what it does to people. I get sad and worried when I see people I care about continue to hurt themselves. I want to help, but really can't. So I try to stay away from people when they are drinking heavily. It takes too much of an emotional toll on me.

Mklove

Earnest, vent away! I raised two step kids and spent years with the monthly checks. Cool thing is that they turned out pretty great and are now raising kids themselves. But I totally understand the stress of making those monthly payments and not knowing what each month would bring. Congrats on your sobriety!

Mattq2

I'm with berrybean,
I wouldn't call it hate but being around drunk people forces me to see myself when I was drinking. I hoped that I wasn't as bad as some I've seen but I'm sure I was. I believe with me it's shame. Shame for what I was. As time goes on I accept that person was not really me and the bad feelings begin to pass.