LowSpark

I am coming up on 60 days (Sunday)!! I can't believe it and I feel great about everything. I feel as if I have become a better person and I know I have become a better father to my almost 1 year old. But my AV has acted up big time today. In the past it has been mostly silent, which has been awesome. I don't know why today, but it is driving my crazy. I have not drank, nor will I today, but I would like to know how some of you silence your AV.

I know it will go away and tomorrow I will be fine, but I feel as if I need some advice for when it returns. Keep up the good work for all of you fighting the fight.

Algorithm

Surprise! The underlined part in your post, above, is actually your AV, softening you up for the kill.

If you can't see this, ponder this question:

Why exactly is it "awesome" that your AV has been silent?

Have you been debating with your AV, and trying to convince it not to drink, by any chance?

Any debating is simply a negotiation of terms on more drinking, little more than an admission of defeat, which only emboldens the enemy to negotiate some more, until better terms are secured.

dwtbd

IT can whine and throw tantrums all IT wants, but IT can't drive to the store or use the ATM. When You( the real you, the rational you the better you, the you that quit) hears the AV recognize for what IT is the single minded desire for alcohol and dismiss that desire for the terrible idea it is. Don't debate or argue with IT , just hear it , ride out the tantrum with "I hear ya, but it ain't gonna happen"
The more often IT is confronted with failure to get You to act out it's stupid idea, the more it will slink pathetically away.
Keep your resolve, you got this

Delilah1

Congratulations on six months, your little one is very lucky to have you fully present.

I have been working on mindfulness this year, and it has seemed to help. There are great articles online if you just google it.

ByHisLove

I have a list of all of the destruction, pain, and negative consequences causes by listening to my AV. That way, if I'm struggling or if somewhere down the line I start to believe my AV's lies that "it wasn't that bad", I can read the list and be pulled back into the reality that my AV is evil and self serving and I would be insane to believe it's lies after the hurricane force destruction it caused in my life.

Jimmy58

Hey Low Spark,
I find what works for me is to
imagine my way through the drinking
process , goes something like this.

1. Take first drink. Feel guilty but. AV
is digging the buz.
2. Have another drink, guilty feeling not
so much.
3. All bets are off, time to rock n roll.
4. Juiced up and sloppy now. Alcohol
has taken control of all my mental and
physical faculties. Drink myself to
oblivion.
5. Best case scenario at this point. Wake
up after passing out, hopefully not in
jail
or hospital but surly hung over, defeated
and staring down another day from hell.
After running through that in my mind
drinking is the last thing I want to do.
Hope this helps, stay strong that little
guy needs you.

freshstart57

I don't believe it is a good idea to work to 'quell the AV'. I don't know that it can be done, and I believe that thinking it can be defeated is actually setting you up to fail.
I think there is peace and joy to be found instead by accepting that it exists, and that is not something we can control directly. Instead of attempting to defeat it, we can separate our will from it, and take the position of an observer.

We can't control it, just as we can't control our thoughts. But, and this the big plan, we can control our actions. If we can open our hand, we can choose to not drink. And we can always do that.

You deserve to be congratulated for making that decision to quit drinking. Make that deeply considered plan to make this permanent and unconditional. You simply do not drink. Ever. No matter what. You deserve this freedom, LowSpark.

The next time you are facing IT, give it your full focus and attention. Stare at it and see it for everything that it is. It will pass, and you will remain. Sober, and free. Give your little guy a big hug, ok?

LowSpark

Thanks for all the advice. I think I have been approaching the AV wrong. I know it is there and always will be. I guess today it just seems to be more pronounced than others. Maybe I didn't ask the right way in my first post. Or that today has just been one of those days. I am not sure.

Dee74

I think it's natural for the desire to drink to re-appear after some 'radio silence' LowSpark

It's not necessarily a sign that you're doing anything wrong - alcoholics think of drinking...but you reacted just right - you dismissed the thought and asked for help here.

That's a win for you in my book

D

freshstart57

Maybe it was me that gave the wrong idea, LowSpark. I didn't mean to say that it is easy. And sitting with feelings and thoughts that make us uncomfortable is, well, it's uncomfortable. You might think, well how the heck could this be a good idea when I just want to be comfortable? Who doesn't want that?

For me, it comes back to the fact that the idea of comfortable drinking is a lie. The hangovers and anxiety and shame and depression, insomnia, loss of the respect of self and of others. GAGGHHHHHH!! That really is no way to live.

Ya. I know it is hard. It does get easier, but it doesn't matter, because you will do it anyway. It is hard to do at times, but it doesn't matter. You can do hard. What matters is that you will be making the right choice, not just in this, but in many things now. Your good life is there for you. And you can have it.

Stay the course. It is hard sometimes, and you are brave. And things are as they should be right now, as they are. It is OK. You are OK. Onward!

tursiops999

LowSpark, there's nothing wrong with your question -- it's a learning process. It's normal for the AV to come and go, wax and wane. It can be quiet for long periods and then get very noisy, sometimes suddenly. It doesn't really matter so long as you stick to not drinking. You can just note that it's present, observe it as it comes and goes. It has no real power, although it would like you to think it does.

You're doing great -- congratulations on making this choice!

dwtbd

Hope today finds You better. Just wanted to add congratulations on your decision!
There was recently a real interesting discussion on this theme here on SR in the Secular Connections forum
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-new-avrt.html
I would recommend a perusal to everyone (high heeled and otherwise )

thomas11

I've been sober just over a year, on the rare occasion when drinking pops into my head, I fall back to doing the things I did in the first month. anything but drink. I'll even go to bed early. good job on 60 days, that's great.