Originally Posted by Bunny211

It was the battle of a lifetime. The hardest thing I have ever done, but also, the most worthwhile. Early on was so so hard. I walked away from my old life completely. I blocked contacts from my phone, I refused to contact my ex BF who I still missed and loved (because I knew I would relapse if I went back). I fantasized about alcohol 24/7, I was anxious, I couldn't sleep, I had lost everything and had to deal with it all without a drink in me. But I was at rock bottom...I just knew I was done. And I stuck to my decision not to allow myself to fall any farther. There were days when I went to bed at 3pm because I just couldn't deal with life anymore. And I gave myself permission to do that. I was done with the day....not able to handle anymore...and I put my head on the pillow sober (early, but sober). There were nights I paced my sober house frantically for hours and hours saying to myself "don't f---ing drink, don't drink, don't drink..."

I went to rehab, sober living, got a sponsor, worked (and still work) the steps. At 3 months sober I got a full time job. At 7 months sober I got an apartment. I ran everything by my sponsor. If she told me it was not a good idea...that was that...I didn't do it. If she gave me direction to do something I did not agree with...I just FREAKING DID IT and shut my mouth. I had learned all my lessons the hard way...doing what I wanted...that finally, when someone told me what to do...I just freaking DID IT.

The emotional pain and sadness were so great at times that I thought I might die from them. But I had a wonderful sponsor who was very caring and spent a LOT of time with me. I Remember one day she said to me "I've been where you are....you will get through this...your feelings will not kill you and in time they will pass. Your drinking and drugging will kill you...not your feelings." Another time she told me "You are swimming away from one life...and towards a new one...right now you are in the middle of the ocean and you are lost and afraid. As you should be. But I'm next to you...hold my hand and keep swimming, I won't let you drown, I promise."

18+ months later I have no cravings (though occasionally I miss the days when drinking was "fun" but then I laugh at myself because those days were a long time ago and at the end of my drinking and using it was pure UTTER HELL), I have a job in my career field, am tackling my debt, a relationship with God, belong to a church, have a car and a beautiful apartment, a strong sober network, good friends, decent relationships with my family, hobbies and interests. In October I went to Colorado for a week and hiked the rocky mountains!! A dream of mine I was NEVER able to fulfill when I was drinking.

Getting sober and achieving long term sobriety requires drastic measures on our part. You cannot stick your toe into recovery and expect to get well. I can't emphasize that enough. If you are willing to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety - you will achieve it.

It gets so much better. Just hang in there and don't pick up that first sucker drink or drug!

Originally Posted by Jimmy58

My drinking career spans almost 50 years.
Took my first drink about 10 years of age.

At age 13. I was smoking weed drinking booze taking quaaludes, LSD and having
sex with a 13 year old girl who lost her virginity to her father. I got her pregnant
and I learned a new word, miscarriage.
She dumped me and needless to say, I was
devastated. I tried to get heroin but was
not able to, thank God because I would have died for sure.

Fast foreword 5 years. Managed to drink
and drug my way through high school.
Fell in love with a girl who liked to drink
and drug as much as me. Got a job working
construction for her father. He was a drunk also, we became good buddies
and good drinking buddies of course.

At age 20 got girlfriend pregnant, got
married bought a house and was introduced to meth.

Worked hard, partied hard and fought
with wife for 10 years.

Being a reckless daredevil, I fell from
a considerable height on the jobsite,
at age 30. Luckily didn't get killed but
landed in the hospital with 2 broken legs.

Got surgery and spent the next two weeks
in the hospital unable to walk but still
drinking as my brother smuggled booze
into me every day and my roommate got rid of the empty bottles. I was also hooked
up to an IV of morphine and could give
myself a hit every 10 minutes. YIPPEE!

So anyway this was the beginning of the end of the marriage because when I got
home from the hospital I had to learn to
walk again, didn't have much money and fought with wife even more.

Got divorced and raised 2 children myself
(had second chid to try and save marriage)

Age 40: Decide to quit drinking (quite
drugs and cigarettes after getting out of the hospital) .
Was dry for 15 months and started boozing again. Didn't know about
the concept of kindling and my drinking
escaltated over the next 18 years.
I went from a beer drinker to wine, scotch and vodka guzzler.

Started passing out and splitting my head open several times in my mid fifties. This
didnt stop me from drinking however.

Strangely enough I went to my family doctor for a routine check up and found out my white blood cell count was low and
liver enzymes were high. Went to specialist who wrote me a script for an
Ultrasound on my liver. Of course I put
this off for as long as possible.

Finally got it done and was diagnosed with
a fatty liver. This news came a great relief to me because I was faily sure that I had
Cirrhosis of the liver given my lifestyle through the years.

That was a little over a year ago. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since then. I had blood tests done six months ago and I am
in great health. God really does love me I suppose. Sorry for the rambling post and
for anyone out there reading this.

Quitting is not easy but it is possible
and well worth it for you and those who are near and dear to you.

Sincerly,

Jimmy 58.

Originally Posted by Mattq2

I guess I was your typical closet alcoholic. I ran a business, married for thirty years and fought an exhausting battle against alcohol everyday of my adult life. I'm in my fifties and I drank 6 to 10 beers every night got up, went to work and the cycle would continue. I can remember when six beers would get me drunk, then it would take 8 then 10. I have no idea where it would have stopped. I could sense that I was at i point of no return. I was slowly loosing the energy to fight. I knew if I didn't stop I would give up and let alcohol kill me. My wife actually told me she was preparing herself to find me dead one day.

So I knew it was now or never. I found SR dug in and never looked back. The first week I fought minute to minute, then hour to hour, now almost six months in I still think about it most days but it's to appreciate my sobriety. I have accomplished a lot in my life, but other than my family my sobriety means everything to me.

Originally Posted by Fluffer

I know everyone is different and I was never a daily drinker, but I'm going to be a contrarian and say that physically quitting drinking is easy. (Of course, seek medical help if you go into withdrawal.) And I was a wacky blackout drinker who's done a lot of scary stuff and probably a lot of scarier stuff that I don't remember. The difficulty is in changing your mindset, fighting the fear that life won't be livable without alcohol. And building a social life outside of booze, since my only friends outside of work were heavy drinkers.

Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser

I agree with this to some extent, at least in my case. I was a daily drinker, a heavy drinker, 24-33 beers a day when I quit. I never really had strong cravings since quitting, definitely not after the first 3 or 4 days. Lots of time to fill up that drinking used to fill, some nervousness about having to face things again and deal. SR comes in handy that way, talking things out here with like-minded people on a similar mission.

One thing I forgot to mention in my other post was how important joining the monthly class thread was to me back then. I was June 2016, got to know a group of 10-15 regulars posting daily about their new sobriety. You new people would be in the December 2016 thread. And we say "join" but all it is is posting in that thread and saying hi, everyone will greet you warmly and that's all joining is. No hazing process at all!