Faith Weekender 01-04 December 2016
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 937
Anyone struggling reading this I say - have faith - recovery really does work. Don't be afraid to change your life, or to reach out for support and ask for help.
I found myself falling into faith a few months before I got sober.
I see it as an essential part of my ongoing recovery. I'm not religious but there's something about having a faith which has changed everything for me.
I even had "faith" tattooed on my arm this year, ha ha, I'm 52 and I dislike tattoos immensely. That's how strong I feel about it.
13 months sober and counting. :-)
Have a great weekend everyone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Originally Posted by tufty13 
I don't watch football anymore. Only Aussie rules. 
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Soberandhealthy, i am so sorry you are in such a dark place that everything seems hopeless. Please try and get some sleep and then some help, at the very least post on SR before you drink as i feel sure that there is help out there, it is just not always easy to find it
Thinking of you this morning
Thinking of you this morning
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
I felt a familiar tightening in my chest as I read through a recent survey that asked people at what age they would like to tick off key milestones on their "Life CV".
As someone whose "Life CV" looks like one long sabbatical, I was apprehensive about finding out the age at which the vox populi thinks I should have got my s*** together.
My concern was legitimate. It transpires that the vast majority of people expect to have the trifecta of long-term-partner, babies and a home with a white picket fence by the age of 31. At 36, I don't have any of those things.
I was taking long, deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth by the time I got to the second paragraph of the survey. According to 37pc of respondents, I should have bought my own home five years ago. Just breathe, I told myself. It's fine. You own a Nutribullet.
But it wasn't fine. When I got to the third paragraph, which said I should have met a long-term partner at the age of 29, I was reciting a mantra from Buddhist monk Thích Nhât Hanh. Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.
And still my breathing quickened. Was I hyperventilating?
Children was the next milestone that the masses think you can map out on your life plan in the same way you scribble a hairdressing appointment into your diary. Apparently I should have had my first child six years ago. Paper bag! I need a paper bag!
And so it continued. The age at which those surveyed think you should own a car: 25. Have a long-term career: 32. Reach your target wage: 41. Move in with long-term partner: 30. Reach your savings goal: 48.
Three in five said they would feel disappointed, upset and frustrated with themselves if they didn't reach their 'life goals' by the age target they had set. Of course, late-bloomers don't need a survey to tell them there's an unspoken deadline around the milestones they haven't yet met. They've done the mortgage arithmetic and the egg count. They've seen the flash of terror in their mother's eyes when yet another friend gets engaged.
And they know the many other tacit expectations of their age bracket. Alongside the house and children, they should have run a marathon, learned another language and been to Paris. They should own a smart suitcase, goblet-sized wine glasses and a pestle and mortar (if only for decoration). Most importantly, they should handwash their bras, cultivate an interest in modern art and know how to pronounce 'bouillabaisse'.
To account for their newly-settled lifestyle, they should also have a crazy year-out story: bar tending in New York, motorcycling in Peru, Full Moon partying in Thailand. Who cares if they just hung around the hostel reception area checking their Facebook account. They ticked the box and that's all that matters.
This all compounds the pressure on the late-bloomer, who has now swapped the breathing exercises for self-soothing self-talk. Relax! Halle Berry had her first child at 41. You might win the Lotto. And you own a KitchenAid mixer. Not many people could say that.
And still the anxiety creeps in. Sometimes it feels like it's 5pm on Christmas Eve and you still have three gifts to buy. Sometimes it feels like you've missed the last bus home. It's a pressure that supersedes logic, reason and common sense because in the rush to acquire a Bose sound system, the late-bloomer can overlook a vital question: Did they miss the deadline by choice or by circumstance?
They become so concerned with the little window they have left, they forget about the long life that is stretched out in front of them. More to the point, they forget about the many milestones they have already reached.
It's one thing meeting your long-term partner at 29. It's quite another thing being brave enough to walk away a few years later. "Settling down" is a societal milestone; refusing to settle for less is a selfhood one.
Likewise, you might be earning the salary you want, but have you discovered your passion and realised that a job you don't love should never become your identity (and probably shouldn't be your main source of income either)?
The survey says a woman should have her first child by 30, but what if she's not ready? Sure, she might be physiologically ready according to her biological clock and financially ready according to her bank balance, but is she psychologically, emotionally and spiritually ready to guide a child into this world?
You've reached a real milestone when you have the self-awareness to consider it from this perspective.
I've heard so many people of my age say "I should be settling down". The real milestone is realising that when it comes to your one wonderful life, the word 'should' shouldn't come into it.
As someone whose "Life CV" looks like one long sabbatical, I was apprehensive about finding out the age at which the vox populi thinks I should have got my s*** together.
My concern was legitimate. It transpires that the vast majority of people expect to have the trifecta of long-term-partner, babies and a home with a white picket fence by the age of 31. At 36, I don't have any of those things.
I was taking long, deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth by the time I got to the second paragraph of the survey. According to 37pc of respondents, I should have bought my own home five years ago. Just breathe, I told myself. It's fine. You own a Nutribullet.
But it wasn't fine. When I got to the third paragraph, which said I should have met a long-term partner at the age of 29, I was reciting a mantra from Buddhist monk Thích Nhât Hanh. Breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.
And still my breathing quickened. Was I hyperventilating?
Children was the next milestone that the masses think you can map out on your life plan in the same way you scribble a hairdressing appointment into your diary. Apparently I should have had my first child six years ago. Paper bag! I need a paper bag!
And so it continued. The age at which those surveyed think you should own a car: 25. Have a long-term career: 32. Reach your target wage: 41. Move in with long-term partner: 30. Reach your savings goal: 48.
Three in five said they would feel disappointed, upset and frustrated with themselves if they didn't reach their 'life goals' by the age target they had set. Of course, late-bloomers don't need a survey to tell them there's an unspoken deadline around the milestones they haven't yet met. They've done the mortgage arithmetic and the egg count. They've seen the flash of terror in their mother's eyes when yet another friend gets engaged.
And they know the many other tacit expectations of their age bracket. Alongside the house and children, they should have run a marathon, learned another language and been to Paris. They should own a smart suitcase, goblet-sized wine glasses and a pestle and mortar (if only for decoration). Most importantly, they should handwash their bras, cultivate an interest in modern art and know how to pronounce 'bouillabaisse'.
To account for their newly-settled lifestyle, they should also have a crazy year-out story: bar tending in New York, motorcycling in Peru, Full Moon partying in Thailand. Who cares if they just hung around the hostel reception area checking their Facebook account. They ticked the box and that's all that matters.
This all compounds the pressure on the late-bloomer, who has now swapped the breathing exercises for self-soothing self-talk. Relax! Halle Berry had her first child at 41. You might win the Lotto. And you own a KitchenAid mixer. Not many people could say that.
And still the anxiety creeps in. Sometimes it feels like it's 5pm on Christmas Eve and you still have three gifts to buy. Sometimes it feels like you've missed the last bus home. It's a pressure that supersedes logic, reason and common sense because in the rush to acquire a Bose sound system, the late-bloomer can overlook a vital question: Did they miss the deadline by choice or by circumstance?
They become so concerned with the little window they have left, they forget about the long life that is stretched out in front of them. More to the point, they forget about the many milestones they have already reached.
It's one thing meeting your long-term partner at 29. It's quite another thing being brave enough to walk away a few years later. "Settling down" is a societal milestone; refusing to settle for less is a selfhood one.
Likewise, you might be earning the salary you want, but have you discovered your passion and realised that a job you don't love should never become your identity (and probably shouldn't be your main source of income either)?
The survey says a woman should have her first child by 30, but what if she's not ready? Sure, she might be physiologically ready according to her biological clock and financially ready according to her bank balance, but is she psychologically, emotionally and spiritually ready to guide a child into this world?
You've reached a real milestone when you have the self-awareness to consider it from this perspective.
I've heard so many people of my age say "I should be settling down". The real milestone is realising that when it comes to your one wonderful life, the word 'should' shouldn't come into it.
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