Not an alcoholic?
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: East of Eden
Posts: 420
My guess is that his head isn't clear enough for him to really comprehend all the different facets of alcoholism while he's mired in it himself. The only thing that matters is that you know the truth about yourself. You have the history to prove it. His opinion shouldn't really matter. He hasn't had to live your life. You have.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
none of my family thinks im alcoholic and wonder why i (still) go to those meetings
because i got sober young and looked ok and still had stuff
our society wrongly judges us on how we look on the outside not correctly by how were doing on the inside
because i got sober young and looked ok and still had stuff
our society wrongly judges us on how we look on the outside not correctly by how were doing on the inside
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
This is an interesting thread. I agree that your friend is probably judging his own drinking against yours. Like if she was an alcoholic, what am I?
I see a lot of people new to this board who will not go to AA because they "aren't that bad". They are frightened of the word Alcoholic. They only see bum in the street in their mind.
What you call yourself is your business. How you identify is your business. A lot of people abuse alcohol, just short of the label alcoholic IMHO. It is alcohol abuse, and it causes problems in their life. Heavy drinker vs. alcoholic. All the same sliding scale in my view.
I see a lot of people new to this board who will not go to AA because they "aren't that bad". They are frightened of the word Alcoholic. They only see bum in the street in their mind.
What you call yourself is your business. How you identify is your business. A lot of people abuse alcohol, just short of the label alcoholic IMHO. It is alcohol abuse, and it causes problems in their life. Heavy drinker vs. alcoholic. All the same sliding scale in my view.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Yes, I think it's a sliding scale also. I don't really care if I "fit" the label of alcoholic or not. I just know that I can't drink normally and responsibly, and never will. That's enough for me. And when I went to treatment, they sure thought I was/am an alcoholic. They are trained professionals. So yeah. I'm an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Centered3 
That's a good point, FreeOwl, since it is a progressive disease.
But it makes me wonder....I have a friend who is a hard drinker, but I watch her in how she reacts to life. She lets everything go. She doesn't live in the past or future. She's not running on fear. She seems very level headed.
I just wonder if she got to the point PHYSICALLY of no return, would she actually have resentments to write an actual 4th step? Hmmm....
But it makes me wonder....I have a friend who is a hard drinker, but I watch her in how she reacts to life. She lets everything go. She doesn't live in the past or future. She's not running on fear. She seems very level headed.
I just wonder if she got to the point PHYSICALLY of no return, would she actually have resentments to write an actual 4th step? Hmmm....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Yes. A long time ago. And I think both people that told me this had drinking issues of their own at the time. Not alcoholics but abusers. I also think that, unless you're alcoholic or have been in the direct line of fire of one of us, normal people simply don't get it. They also seem to have culturally determined ideas of what an alcoholic 'is'. They are simply ignorant.
Now? No one would say I'm not an alcoholic. And if the did, it wouldn't matter one bit to me. I know exactly what I am.
I think the important question is, did it change your perceptions of you?
Now? No one would say I'm not an alcoholic. And if the did, it wouldn't matter one bit to me. I know exactly what I am.
I think the important question is, did it change your perceptions of you?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Originally Posted by Nonsensical
I've had people tell me that.
I didn't really pay much attention to what they thought.
My AV LOVED it.
I didn't really pay much attention to what they thought.
My AV LOVED it.
Why after two years sobriety you'd question your non- drinking status and the reason for it - is perhaps reason for reflection? Are you thinking that if you're not an 'alcoholic' you can drink, perhaps like a 'normal' person, again?
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
Originally Posted by tomsteve
for me, how I appeared didn't show what was going on internally. denial did amazing things to me. i believed the lies i told myself for so many years that my reality was a lie. i was actually a mess .
Giving up is NOT an option.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Tasty said:
Why after two years sobriety you'd question your non- drinking status and the reason for it - is perhaps reason for reflection? Are you thinking that if you're not an 'alcoholic' you can drink, perhaps like a 'normal' person, again?
I'm not questioning anything - I know I can't drink, and it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks about whether or not I'm an alcoholic. I just thought it could be an interesting discussion. And it is.
Why after two years sobriety you'd question your non- drinking status and the reason for it - is perhaps reason for reflection? Are you thinking that if you're not an 'alcoholic' you can drink, perhaps like a 'normal' person, again?
I'm not questioning anything - I know I can't drink, and it doesn't matter to me what anyone else thinks about whether or not I'm an alcoholic. I just thought it could be an interesting discussion. And it is.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Originally Posted by MLD51
Have any of you had people close to you tell you they don't think you're "really" an alcoholic? How did that make you feel? Did it change your mind in any way? Did it make you feel like you had permission to drink because you weren't "that bad" after all? Just interested to hear other peoples' thoughts.
I'm pleased to hear that I misunderstood your OP. I glad you're not experiencing 'a permission to drink because you weren't 'that bad'.'
Now that I'm a non-drinker, I have zero interest in any labels folks may choose to stick on me because of my past drinking behaviour.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Merigold
I'm not very social. My BFF is my husband. He knows and tells me I'm an alcoholic constantly often to my annoyance!).
the day before yesterday I went over to a friend he and I have, a couple. They are heavy drinkers, but do not identify as alcoholics. I told them I was an alcoholic and I was going to rehab for 4 weeks. I wanted them to know as it was clear to me that I needed to stay away awhile. Nothing to do with them, as in I love them and I consider them very good friends indeed. But their friendship does have a basis in drinks and drugs. I know I have to let them go until I am strong enough to say NO!
The whole visit they were drinking. I didn't. I wish It was because I'm good! It was only because I knew on the way home i@d pick up a bottle of wine.
Anyway, they both said to me I wasn't an alcoholic. They said just go to counselling...It DID make me feel like maybe i'm over reacting?
Maybe I'm ok?
I've drove drunk. Blindingly, black out drunk. No idea how I got home. I drink at work. I lie and hide my drinking. I find "hidden" alcohol regularly ( and am happy when I do..)..I can't cope without a drink.
I'm an alcoholic.
I told my friends I was going to be away until the end of January. But I am worried how I will cope afterwards, I'm not social, they are really the only ones other than my Hubby!
the day before yesterday I went over to a friend he and I have, a couple. They are heavy drinkers, but do not identify as alcoholics. I told them I was an alcoholic and I was going to rehab for 4 weeks. I wanted them to know as it was clear to me that I needed to stay away awhile. Nothing to do with them, as in I love them and I consider them very good friends indeed. But their friendship does have a basis in drinks and drugs. I know I have to let them go until I am strong enough to say NO!
The whole visit they were drinking. I didn't. I wish It was because I'm good! It was only because I knew on the way home i@d pick up a bottle of wine.
Anyway, they both said to me I wasn't an alcoholic. They said just go to counselling...It DID make me feel like maybe i'm over reacting?
Maybe I'm ok?
I've drove drunk. Blindingly, black out drunk. No idea how I got home. I drink at work. I lie and hide my drinking. I find "hidden" alcohol regularly ( and am happy when I do..)..I can't cope without a drink.
I'm an alcoholic.
I told my friends I was going to be away until the end of January. But I am worried how I will cope afterwards, I'm not social, they are really the only ones other than my Hubby!
Sure, you're not likely to make new friends overnight - it happens gradually, but it does happen if we put ourselves in the right places for it to happen. Volunteering is also a good option for meeting people, as are new (or renewed) hobbies. Why not take an opportunity spotting walk with your camera (probably on your phone) one day, taking pics of any posters about things you could try out on your phone so you can research them later. I know socialising sober can be scary, but it's much less scary when the chatting is the secondary purpose (like when you do an activity ) rather than having no distractions from conversation and eye contact, etc.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I know some people who never give a thought to whether or not they have issues with drinking, even though it's clear to me and others that they do. Or possibly, they do think about it, but brush it aside, as many of us probably did for a long time. I know I did. Deep down, I knew for a long time that I was not a normal drinker. I drank like most of my friends did, or less, so it was pretty easy for me to justify my drinking as "not worse than anyone else's." Because my circle of friends was all heavy drinkers. Now I don't care whether or not mine was worse or better or whatever. No more denial or justifications.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Some people still tell me that, including family members, and it really does create a frustrating, almost untrusted feeling, that after a while I think has created a distance with those people, as there is no acceptance of my judgment, no acknowledgement of any problem that I've identified and no support or encouragement for such a serious decision in my life, one that goes to the heart of my own health, there's always an air of mistrust when someone invalidates everything that I've achieved in getting Sober.
The right thing to do is re visit your resolve, if needed, for me it's very rarely needed as I know why I got Sober and if people can't accept that they can drift away into the fringes of my life.
Stick to your guns and keep moving forward, if people are simply passengers they'll soon be pushed to the sidelines, in such an important decision in my life, the people onboard with it I have become closest to!!
The right thing to do is re visit your resolve, if needed, for me it's very rarely needed as I know why I got Sober and if people can't accept that they can drift away into the fringes of my life.
Stick to your guns and keep moving forward, if people are simply passengers they'll soon be pushed to the sidelines, in such an important decision in my life, the people onboard with it I have become closest to!!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
My family still doesn't think I'm an alcoholic 
We don't have alcoholism in our family...just people who 'don't know when to stop'...
They weren't there for 97% of my drinking tho.
Several of my drinking buds didn't think I'm an alcoholic either, but me shining a light on my problem made them feel self conscious I think.
Even I've thought at times maybe I'm not an alcoholic - 'maybe it was just a bad way of living'....'a rough phase'..
yeah for 20 years..
I'm glad to be past that now...I love life as it is...I think I'll stay this way
D
We don't have alcoholism in our family...just people who 'don't know when to stop'...
They weren't there for 97% of my drinking tho.
Several of my drinking buds didn't think I'm an alcoholic either, but me shining a light on my problem made them feel self conscious I think.
Even I've thought at times maybe I'm not an alcoholic - 'maybe it was just a bad way of living'....'a rough phase'..
yeah for 20 years..
I'm glad to be past that now...I love life as it is...I think I'll stay this way
D
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
I apologize to the OP and all who posted.
I get overwhelmed sometimes on SR and have to remind myself to see if I'm replying to an "Alcoholism" thread or an "Alcoholism 12 step" thread. I think my posts came out too harsh and I didn't intend that.
MLD51--the most important thing isn't the label but it's your getting your health and life back, no matter what other people think.
I get overwhelmed sometimes on SR and have to remind myself to see if I'm replying to an "Alcoholism" thread or an "Alcoholism 12 step" thread. I think my posts came out too harsh and I didn't intend that.
MLD51--the most important thing isn't the label but it's your getting your health and life back, no matter what other people think.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I don't see anything for you to apologize for, Centered. No worries.
My entire purpose of starting this thread was to see if others had people telling them they weren't really alcoholics, and to start a discussion on what your reactions were to that, in the past, and now. In the past, I would have used a statement like that as justification to keep on drinking - "Well, if other people don't think I'm an alcoholic, then I must not be that bad and I can keep right on going." Now, though, I take any such statements with a grain of salt, and only wonder what the motivation of the person making the statement might be. Also - I am very careful not to tell people I know who still drink whether or not I think they are alcoholics. I get into discussions sometimes with my still-drinking friends, and I just tell them what my experience was, why I decided to stop. I tell them it's a personal decision, and if they are looking for justification from me either way (quit or stop) they aren't going to get it. Because I know that when I was still drinking it mattered to me a lot what other people thought of my drinking. I know now that the decision to quit MUST come from inside the individual.
I'm rambling. Sorry.
My entire purpose of starting this thread was to see if others had people telling them they weren't really alcoholics, and to start a discussion on what your reactions were to that, in the past, and now. In the past, I would have used a statement like that as justification to keep on drinking - "Well, if other people don't think I'm an alcoholic, then I must not be that bad and I can keep right on going." Now, though, I take any such statements with a grain of salt, and only wonder what the motivation of the person making the statement might be. Also - I am very careful not to tell people I know who still drink whether or not I think they are alcoholics. I get into discussions sometimes with my still-drinking friends, and I just tell them what my experience was, why I decided to stop. I tell them it's a personal decision, and if they are looking for justification from me either way (quit or stop) they aren't going to get it. Because I know that when I was still drinking it mattered to me a lot what other people thought of my drinking. I know now that the decision to quit MUST come from inside the individual.
I'm rambling. Sorry.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Hi, MLD,
Your comment that you don't think he has "an agenda" stuck out to me.
I don't think he does, either. In fact, I think he wants the best for you.
But I also know that alcoholics are not completely in the driver's seat when it comes to our consciousnesses and our subconsciousnesses. There's that little monster inside of us that will do its best to subvert our best interests. It tells us we're really not alcoholics, we're just people who like to have a good time.
And I cannot help but wonder if your friend subconsciously wants his drinkin' buddy back. Telling you that you really weren't an alcoholic, though he is, strikes me as his subconscious convincing his conscious to give you "permission."
I could be way off base. Don't know. I, too, checked off a sufficient number of boxes to "earn" the term alcoholic. And I know how capable I was of of working against my own best interests no matter what I told myself.
Just a thought or two ...
Your comment that you don't think he has "an agenda" stuck out to me.
I don't think he does, either. In fact, I think he wants the best for you.
But I also know that alcoholics are not completely in the driver's seat when it comes to our consciousnesses and our subconsciousnesses. There's that little monster inside of us that will do its best to subvert our best interests. It tells us we're really not alcoholics, we're just people who like to have a good time.
And I cannot help but wonder if your friend subconsciously wants his drinkin' buddy back. Telling you that you really weren't an alcoholic, though he is, strikes me as his subconscious convincing his conscious to give you "permission."
I could be way off base. Don't know. I, too, checked off a sufficient number of boxes to "earn" the term alcoholic. And I know how capable I was of of working against my own best interests no matter what I told myself.
Just a thought or two ...
Giving up is NOT an option.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
There could be something to that, Ven. Consciously, I know he wants the best for me, and is proud of me. But I do think that possibly subconsciously sometimes he wishes I still drank - maybe because he misses a drinking buddy (although he still has several) or, more likely, because it would give him permission to drink more in my presence without feeling bad about it. Interesting thought.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
