Emzeh

Hi folks,

So I am on day 8 and today has been the first day I have really had an internal argument with my AV (addictive voice). The three main points it made were as follows...

- I don't even care anyway
- I only want 4 cans of lager so I will still be sober, it's not like I will be drunk
- I need some ingredients from the shop so I have to go anyway

My argument back to myself was that yes I DO care, the first drink is all it takes to spiral back down and no I don't even need those ingredients, I can do without, I just want an excuse to walk past the beers and have them 'fall' into my basket!

The hardest one for me I have discovered on reflection is the argument I have with myself over having a drink but not being drunk.

So I have given the shop a miss as I don't feel I can be trusted...but does anyone else struggle with this one in particular? What are your opinions on limitation, do you class it as a failure if you give in but don't lose control? And other than telling yourself that one drink is all it takes, what do you do to prevent the AV winning?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts (and stealing your ideas!)

Irnldy001

I think you are having the same conversation many of us have had with ourselves. If I can stop, and not drink for xx number of days, then clearly I have this thing under control.
My attempts to just 'have a few and not get drunk" also known as an attempt to moderate were in fact, the gateway to every relapse and larger binge drinking. I cannot moderate. I don't know how. My body doesn't want to moderate. My brain and body latch on to alcohol at the first sip. Before I can say huh? I wake up in the morning with strange pictures on my phone, texts I can't recall, and fb posts that I hurry to delete.
That's me. I can't speak for you.
I have stopped trying to 'moderate'. I have stopped lying to myself. I know if I pick up a drink I will get drunk - it's the only reason I pick it up. Therefore I choose not to drink. It's the only way to save me from me.
Good luck - and when you feel like having a drink, reach out first (like you did here!)

Emzeh

Very similar to me Irnldy001, I have made myself a note to try get into the habit of the 'playing it back' technique but when you're having that mental battle it can be difficult to think of much else!

MidnightRider

Congrats on 8 days!

My response..... I will not give in to this line of thinking EVER AGAIN..... BEEN there DONE That!

The "hey... I'll just have a couple and then that's it"...... YA RIGHT!

Even if you (me) had 2 drinks today and then said... I'm done. Thank you and not drink anymore.

It will open the door to tomorrow..... then the next night. Pretty soon.... I'd be back to being a drunk.

Nope ,,, No More for me !!

Hope this helps!!

doggonecarl

This is why it's good to write your decision down.

Is you plan to quit drinking? Completely?

If so, write it down. Refer to it when you have that argument with your AV.

Or, was your plan just to quit getting drunk? I doubt that, though I understand how you might fall back on that fallacy. Two weeks after I first quit, I literally couldn't remember if I said I was going to quit forever, or until I felt better, or until I saw the doctor and got the okay on my health, or until the White Chapel concert. So I drank. But the next day I wrote down, I won't drink...EVER.

And I haven't. Not that my sobriety was as simple as writing it down. But laying it out with no wiggle room kept me focused and strong against the AV. If I wasn't drinking, then I could work on my recovery from alcoholism.

Emzeh

Hi doggonecarl,

I have been writing down EVERYTHING. It's helped a great deal, from what I have done in a day that I wouldn't have usually done drinking or hungover. The money I am saving by not having a drink. And I will also be writing down all of this feedback to refer to when my AV tries to tell me I deserve a 'teeny tiny' reward (that is the behaviour I tend to fall into)

january161992

6 DAYS !!!

for me the bad habit of drinking was replaced by a new good habit of aa meetings/ service

least

I have no problems as I want to be sober much more than I want to drink.

BrendaChenowyth

I think a step to breaking the "I think I can just have a few / I overdid it again" cycle, is to decide if you really.. really... are okay with just stopping at a few?

I think there are people that exist that can have one and then stop and be cool with that... Not sure what planet they come from... I know I'm not from that planet.

Emzeh

I am also not from that planet, my partner is very much able to only have a few and then stop, so has always found it difficult to understand how many miles different it is for me, even after it got to the point where he moved out due to my drinking at home

Emzeh

Thank you all for your comments and feedback so far - I now have a new section in my 'recovery notebook' titled Thoughts. Page one containing bullet points of everyones different ideas on this subject so I have something solid to refer back to when it rears its ugly head again. Much appreciated!