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Mixed emotions

Old 11-14-2016, 02:56 PM
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Mixed emotions

After a few months off of the site, I am back. I've had a pretty good run this year. More sober days than drunk days. 42 days sober... 20 days with booze, 9 days sober...4 days with booze, 63 days sober... 5 days with booze and lastly 8 days sober and rounding out three days with alcohol. I'm back on the site because I need support. I've realized I cannot do this alone. If all of my sober time this year has proved one thing, it's that I'm much happier more productive person sober than I am even as a glass of wine a night type person (which I've never been anyway!)
I WANT TO BE SOBER. I LOVE BEING SOBER.
I just really hope I can stop this self sabotaging that I've been keeping up these last few months/ years. My family has a lot of big changes happening these next few weeks, but I I'm going to do everything in my power to not let alcohol into the mix. I'm not sure the purpose of this post besides the fact that you are literally the only people that know what I'm going through, and I need some accountability. Technically, November 15th 2016 will be my day one. And I hope it's the last day one I ever ever ever ever ever have.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:02 PM
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Sounds like what I would do, over and over. But I got sober for good and so can you. Seven years sober next month. And I thought I was hopeless. I wasn't. And neither are you.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:06 PM
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Welcome back, Pinot! It's good to see you.

What do you think you can add to your recovery program to prevent a relapse? What happens when you decide to drink again? I was a chronic self-sabotager, too and ultimately I had to deal with the fact that I didn't believe I deserved a good life.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:07 PM
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Thank you Least! It's redundant and I'm over it. So so over it.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:07 PM
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I'm with you on this one....

Your words are so true - Repeat them over and over.

I WANT TO BE SOBER.
I LOVE BEING SOBER.

Say it 10 time real fast... (well not too fast).

Such a positive mantra.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Anna View Post
Welcome back, Pinot! It's good to see you.

What do you think you can add to your recovery program to prevent a relapse? What happens when you decide to drink again? I was a chronic self-sabotager, too and ultimately I had to deal with the fact that I didn't believe I deserved a good life.
Hi Anna! One thing I'm adding to my recovery program is I'm going to try AA meetings again. I'm a very social person and the fact that I don't have anyone to talk to when I'm feeling like drinking is a big trigger! Otherwise, I need to hash out some details for sure! It seems so simple, but yet it's such a production. I don't think my current therapist is a good fit either, I may need to start shopping around. She's a great person, but addiction is definitely not her strong point.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:24 PM
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Welcome back Pinot! Sounds like you have some good plans in the wings, AA can certainly be a great place to find support as well as here on SR. We do understand and many of us have been there before. I have to ask though, why not quit today? I planned on quitting tomorrow more times than I can count and it almost always failed on me.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:32 PM
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I hope so too Pinot.

I cant overemphasise tho - hope is important but it's action that brings change.

If you're committed to change, be committed to actions that reflect the change you want to see

D

D
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Welcome back Pinot! Sounds like you have some good plans in the wings, AA can certainly be a great place to find support as well as here on SR. We do understand and many of us have been there before. I have to ask though, why not quit today? I planned on quitting tomorrow more times than I can count and it almost always failed on me.
Scott, I had a drink after midnight last night, so trying to be honest.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:53 PM
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PN- I agree with Dee. Action speaks... Keep posting. Prayers your way.
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Old 11-14-2016, 03:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I cant overemphasise tho - hope is important but it's action that brings change.
D
Totally agree. And thank you! Two things that have changed recently... I'm no longer worried about what people think, and I actually really want to do this! (Hopefully that one will push me in the right direction!)
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Old 11-14-2016, 04:04 PM
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Originally Posted by MidnightRider View Post

I WANT TO BE SOBER.
I LOVE BEING SOBER.

Say it 10 time real fast... (well not too fast).

Such a positive mantra.
Such an awesome mantra! Never thought of it like that but I think I may use it! I want to be sober I love being sober I want to be sober I love being sober I want to be sober I love being sober!!!

Thank you Midnight!
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Old 11-14-2016, 05:10 PM
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Originally Posted by PinotNOmore View Post
Totally agree. And thank you! Two things that have changed recently... I'm no longer worried about what people think, and I actually really want to do this! (Hopefully that one will push me in the right direction!)
I think the second one is crucial and I'm glad you feel that way. We are here to help, just let us know what you need.
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Old 11-17-2016, 10:47 AM
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So how are things going Pinot?
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