Really need help!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Delizadee 
You can't control this on your own. Have you said these words to your sponsor?
I think now's the time to whip out the recovery plan and beef it up.
I got sober for 6 weeks all on my own and relapsed. For 6 months.
Then I had to up the ante. I go to an addictions counselor, I did 2 months of a daily drop in afternoon program and will continue to go. AA 2-3 a week. I see my DR regularly. I am on the proper medication. I am going to be attending an anxiety and support group once a week. I also am a part of a woman's group once a week and now have started attending Al-anon. I've got a new sponsor. I read a lot of recovery literature. I am hooked up with mental health to deal with my other life issues and my mental wellbeing. I will be attending a 6 week inpatient treatment in the new year.
It's a LOT of work. The 90 meetings in 90 days sounds good too, but I think possibly, for you, like it was for me, I needed to heap a whole bunch of other stuff in with AA to address all my issues in a very rounded way. That means, go to as many meetings as you can. Keep showing up. But DO THE WORK.
There's a big difference between doing the work to get and stay in recovery and just spinning your wheels. And I'm sure you know that better than me.
Can you work the steps again with your sponsor?
Do you think you could search out an addictions counselor?
Have you considered inpatient our outpatient treatment?
It will get better. You just have to make some steps towards making it better. And we're in your corner kiki. You can do this hun.
I think now's the time to whip out the recovery plan and beef it up.
I got sober for 6 weeks all on my own and relapsed. For 6 months.
Then I had to up the ante. I go to an addictions counselor, I did 2 months of a daily drop in afternoon program and will continue to go. AA 2-3 a week. I see my DR regularly. I am on the proper medication. I am going to be attending an anxiety and support group once a week. I also am a part of a woman's group once a week and now have started attending Al-anon. I've got a new sponsor. I read a lot of recovery literature. I am hooked up with mental health to deal with my other life issues and my mental wellbeing. I will be attending a 6 week inpatient treatment in the new year.
It's a LOT of work. The 90 meetings in 90 days sounds good too, but I think possibly, for you, like it was for me, I needed to heap a whole bunch of other stuff in with AA to address all my issues in a very rounded way. That means, go to as many meetings as you can. Keep showing up. But DO THE WORK.
There's a big difference between doing the work to get and stay in recovery and just spinning your wheels. And I'm sure you know that better than me.
Can you work the steps again with your sponsor?
Do you think you could search out an addictions counselor?
Have you considered inpatient our outpatient treatment?
It will get better. You just have to make some steps towards making it better. And we're in your corner kiki. You can do this hun.Do you have any good books you recommend that help you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Sounds like you are treating yourself worse than your mother is.
We have to get sober despite the obstacles in our path. Your mother is one; you and your mindset towards recovery seems to be another obstacle. I think immersing yourself in AA and the steps (not just meetings) might be the way to go. You can't seem to do this on your own.
We have to get sober despite the obstacles in our path. Your mother is one; you and your mindset towards recovery seems to be another obstacle. I think immersing yourself in AA and the steps (not just meetings) might be the way to go. You can't seem to do this on your own.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Thanks Deli! You really are working hard. I need to do the same! Yes, I have done outpatient treatment in the past. I have been through all 12 steps 3 times. The most recent being the past few months. :
90 in 90 is quite a bit. but planning a couple meetings a week and living the program might be a good thing.
getting sober and learning how to live life on lifes terms isn't easy and alcoholism loooooves for people to seek the easiest way possible.
staying sober and living life on lifes terms is pretty easy. just takes T.I.M.E.
everything Ive had to face in sobriety I haven't had to do alone. ive had friends in the fellowship along the way. as strange as it may be, I can help others solve their problems but cant find my way out of a box. talk to someone in the fellowship and they have a way out.
hope ya decide ya want what we have( what we have is in the big book promises- ALL of them, not just the 9th step ones) and, the major thing, are willing to go to any lengths to get it.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Thank you. 18 months is amazing! Do you go to AA?
No sponser yet.
AA is great. It is there if i need it.
For now i use sr. I work out a bit too.
I have ever quelling mental issues that help me to stay clean.
Never want to damage or alter my brain w booze etc. Again.
Thanks.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Kiki-sorry for what you are going through. Your mother sounds like a a very mixed up person. Has she ever had psychiatric treatment? Maybe you already posted about that somewhere and I missed it.
I don't have much advice about the mother, but about friends: I've lost some along the way. And it does hurt and is sad. Some 'friends' judge you for being and addict. But it sounds as though your mom is a mean spirited person and possibly and narcissist who thinks the world revolves around them. They are not really interested in how others are really doing...they want to talk about their problems and their problems only. If you (or others) want to share about their own struggles she acts as though it is nothing compared to what they are going through.
All they care about is getting more attention for theirself. It's like they don't care about anyone but their self. Very wearisome. It's sad when your very own mother is such a big trigger for you.
We find out who we can be around, and can't. Very sad. But sometimes we have to set limits and even get restraining orders.
I wish to emphasize that I in no way judge you for relapsing. It doesn't mean you are a bad person. I just means that you are human, flawed and make mistake like everyone else.
I'm reading a lot of this forum that people hate their self or don't like their self very much if at all. I'm reading a lot there are many who are ashamed. If you were not ashamed at all, you probably wouldn't have a conscience. Our conscience helps us tell right from wrong, but a guilty conscience is a very hard thing to wit lug around day after day. We've all done things were not proud of, but that doesn't have to define you! You are a good person.
Like Dee has said, "You are more than your drinking" Way more....
I don't have much advice about the mother, but about friends: I've lost some along the way. And it does hurt and is sad. Some 'friends' judge you for being and addict. But it sounds as though your mom is a mean spirited person and possibly and narcissist who thinks the world revolves around them. They are not really interested in how others are really doing...they want to talk about their problems and their problems only. If you (or others) want to share about their own struggles she acts as though it is nothing compared to what they are going through.
All they care about is getting more attention for theirself. It's like they don't care about anyone but their self. Very wearisome. It's sad when your very own mother is such a big trigger for you.
We find out who we can be around, and can't. Very sad. But sometimes we have to set limits and even get restraining orders.
I wish to emphasize that I in no way judge you for relapsing. It doesn't mean you are a bad person. I just means that you are human, flawed and make mistake like everyone else.
I'm reading a lot of this forum that people hate their self or don't like their self very much if at all. I'm reading a lot there are many who are ashamed. If you were not ashamed at all, you probably wouldn't have a conscience. Our conscience helps us tell right from wrong, but a guilty conscience is a very hard thing to wit lug around day after day. We've all done things were not proud of, but that doesn't have to define you! You are a good person.
Like Dee has said, "You are more than your drinking" Way more....
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