A Thought about Counting Days
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Helen,
I think counting days is up to the individual. I have gone back and forth in the past between counting and not.
The one thing I know I need to be cautious of is the idea that I had or will have only one or two. I have fallen into this trap in the past and my complacency led me back to my old drinking habits.
I don't count every day anymore, but I do celebrate the first of each month, and on January 1st when I hit one year I will probably continue to do so.
I think the important thing is you are honest with yourself about why you had the two glasses of wine, and how you might avoid that in the future.
I think counting days is up to the individual. I have gone back and forth in the past between counting and not.
The one thing I know I need to be cautious of is the idea that I had or will have only one or two. I have fallen into this trap in the past and my complacency led me back to my old drinking habits.
I don't count every day anymore, but I do celebrate the first of each month, and on January 1st when I hit one year I will probably continue to do so.
I think the important thing is you are honest with yourself about why you had the two glasses of wine, and how you might avoid that in the future.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Santa Barbara, SoCal
Posts: 561
I don't like to count days. I would love to just make the decision to stop drinking and never think about it again.
If I think of it as a lifestyle instead of one day at a time it helps me.
If I think of it as a lifestyle instead of one day at a time it helps me.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by HelenofTroy 
I can't help but feel that by eliminating the three weeks from my count makes my progress seem like more of a failure and to be honest makes it seem like what's the point. I do better with positives than I do with negatives. I don't want the rest of my life to be focused on booze (or a lack of) but on living healthy and being the best person physically and mentally that I can be. So for that reason the 30 days makes more sense to me.
I think it was Scott's comment that, if I'm going to count days, then I'm going to need to be honest about it in order to maintain my sobriety, and to maintain an honest relationship with who and what I am, and with who I am becoming.
Whether I count my days or not, I've still got over five years of uninterrupted sobriety, and that's good enough for me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I found counting days helpful when I quit drinking for the very first time and I kept it precise and by sobriety I meant uninterrupted. Remembering my mindset back then, I think I would not have found the counting helpful and rewarding otherwise. After a relapse of ~2 months following 2 years sober, I decided to approach my recovery in some quite different ways, using a few different approaches as well and not really using some older ones much. This time around I don't care about tracking and counting days, I feel it would just be counterproductive for me emotionally to go back to Day 0 as I don't feel that it was a true restart in terms of lifestyle, mental health, actions... in terms of the whole recovery process. I do what I feel it most helpful and productive for me as long as I don't drink.
Living the life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
Thank you so much to all who so generously shared their thoughts and experience! There is so much food for thought posted here.
I can certainly understand how counting days helps keep some folks committed. But to be honest I have to check the ap on my phone to see what day I am on. I don't wake up in the morning thinking "today is "x" days since I've had a drink". Instead I am focusing on making new habits including what I am going to drink when I would normally have had booze. But I do remember the date that I decided to make lifestyle changes. I am going to keep that date in mind regardless of any missteps as I think it is still a day to celebrate.
I can certainly understand how counting days helps keep some folks committed. But to be honest I have to check the ap on my phone to see what day I am on. I don't wake up in the morning thinking "today is "x" days since I've had a drink". Instead I am focusing on making new habits including what I am going to drink when I would normally have had booze. But I do remember the date that I decided to make lifestyle changes. I am going to keep that date in mind regardless of any missteps as I think it is still a day to celebrate.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Not day counting. It sets me up for failure. I just focus on staying sober today. So far I am still sober today.
I have outside circumstances which require me to "prove" my sobriety.
That to me is a different cookie altogether, it also puts a lot of pressure on me. But my setting that aside and focusing on keeping me sober for TODAY is serving me better than worrying about a tomorrow that I don't know for sure is coming.
I have outside circumstances which require me to "prove" my sobriety.
That to me is a different cookie altogether, it also puts a lot of pressure on me. But my setting that aside and focusing on keeping me sober for TODAY is serving me better than worrying about a tomorrow that I don't know for sure is coming.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I have no idea what day I'm on either - I had to be reminded I had an anniversary yesterday.
But I counted in those first 90 days - you better believe it. There was nothing dogmatic about it for me - it was simply every added day gave me growing hope I could do this.
Later on I realised it was about the journey not the signposts.
That said, before I came to SR I had my share of '45 days sober minus one day' counting.
For me it was very very easy to make that '45 days with two slips...or three...or four'.
I think it's important to be honest and, if you count, have your day count stand for something?
D
But I counted in those first 90 days - you better believe it. There was nothing dogmatic about it for me - it was simply every added day gave me growing hope I could do this.
Later on I realised it was about the journey not the signposts.
That said, before I came to SR I had my share of '45 days sober minus one day' counting.
For me it was very very easy to make that '45 days with two slips...or three...or four'.
I think it's important to be honest and, if you count, have your day count stand for something?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
This is a great thread, I dunno how I feel about counting days,in a way it feels like a countdown to something but what? I think it's more about making the days count not necessarily counting days,however I drank for 3 days after 4 1/2 months sober and I kind of downplayed it thinking that it wasn't that big of a deal cuz look at all the time I had sober, that kind of thinking only set me up for a few more failures though, so you brought up something to think about,I worry that by drinking again after time off that we don't reap the full benefits of sobriety but then I know how soul crushing it is to be on "day 1" again, it kinda rocks your faith in yourself, I think everyone is different and every day without a drink is a win,thanks again for the thread
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by Winslow
I dunno how I feel about counting days,in a way it feels like a countdown to something but what?
I'm not suggesting that counting days leads to drinking, just that there are two entities doing the counting - you and the addiction.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,188
I once pulled a 'I've been sober 69 days out of a 70'. I think I got to 73 out of 75. Then I was off the wagon and it was rolling on without me.
I haven't been to AA, but I do count days, although I'm not obsessed with the particular number (which is weird, because I'm otherwise very keen on adding things up and taking averages and doing stats). I choose to count them as part of my journaling and accountability, but all they constitute for me is 'one more step on a journey'. The beginning is difficult, so a day-measure makes the things I must face 'bite size' and allows me to not feel overwhelmed.
The only real honest (and 'right') answer lies within yourself. As far as I know, no such law enforcement branch as the Day Counting Agency exists. Many have posted here that counting the days got too 1984 for them and if something like that is taking the wind out of your sails, then don't do it and don't let it ruin your quest for sobriety. You're sober today and that's what matters today.
Best wishes!
I haven't been to AA, but I do count days, although I'm not obsessed with the particular number (which is weird, because I'm otherwise very keen on adding things up and taking averages and doing stats). I choose to count them as part of my journaling and accountability, but all they constitute for me is 'one more step on a journey'. The beginning is difficult, so a day-measure makes the things I must face 'bite size' and allows me to not feel overwhelmed.
The only real honest (and 'right') answer lies within yourself. As far as I know, no such law enforcement branch as the Day Counting Agency exists. Many have posted here that counting the days got too 1984 for them and if something like that is taking the wind out of your sails, then don't do it and don't let it ruin your quest for sobriety. You're sober today and that's what matters today.
Best wishes!
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,387
I never realized there were people who had such negative ideas about counting days of sobriety. I like it, I like it a lot and view it as a very positive thing. Every sober day a very positive thing!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
In terms of a direct response to Helen, I don't know that there's anything I can say beyond what Scott and Dee posted.
But like Snazzy, I was surprised by the number of posts in which negative feelings about day counting were noted. I was a diligent day counter for at least the first six months of sobriety. Still do it from time to time.
For newcomers, I'd like to offer some positive reflections on how day counting helped me. For starters, it was celebratory. To reach certain milestones -- 7 days, then 15, then 30 -- felt great! Far from feeling as though I was setting myself up, it reinforced my confidence in my ability to live in sobriety.
On tough days, day counting helped me walk away from the edge of the cliff. I'd say to myself, "if I drink today, then I can't say I'm XX days sober anymore." Seriously, it helped a lot.
Getting sober isn't easy. The way I see it, why not use all the tools at our disposal.
And, yes, I've got to join others who note relapse is not part of recovery. It's simply drinking.
But like Snazzy, I was surprised by the number of posts in which negative feelings about day counting were noted. I was a diligent day counter for at least the first six months of sobriety. Still do it from time to time.
For newcomers, I'd like to offer some positive reflections on how day counting helped me. For starters, it was celebratory. To reach certain milestones -- 7 days, then 15, then 30 -- felt great! Far from feeling as though I was setting myself up, it reinforced my confidence in my ability to live in sobriety.
On tough days, day counting helped me walk away from the edge of the cliff. I'd say to myself, "if I drink today, then I can't say I'm XX days sober anymore." Seriously, it helped a lot.
Getting sober isn't easy. The way I see it, why not use all the tools at our disposal.
And, yes, I've got to join others who note relapse is not part of recovery. It's simply drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
i don't recall anything in the "AA program" about counting days, or mentioning it anywhere in the BB.
personally, i counted days in the beginning because....well, it/i was so joyful! i had tried so many times to string some together and stick with it, continuously. non-continuous was easy...it allowed for drinking. but wow, what a thrill to know i had 11, and then 12!
nothing to do with deprivation, and everything to do with freedom.
i stopped counting days after a few weeks, but am aware, still, of the anniversary date. which happens to be today. which is the only reason i know my day count as of today.3650.
yep, joy, not deprivation
keep going, Helen. don't believe everything you think. and don't try to convince yourself what you'd prefer to think be so is actually so.
just keep going.
personally, i counted days in the beginning because....well, it/i was so joyful! i had tried so many times to string some together and stick with it, continuously. non-continuous was easy...it allowed for drinking. but wow, what a thrill to know i had 11, and then 12!
nothing to do with deprivation, and everything to do with freedom.
i stopped counting days after a few weeks, but am aware, still, of the anniversary date. which happens to be today. which is the only reason i know my day count as of today.3650.
yep, joy, not deprivation
keep going, Helen. don't believe everything you think. and don't try to convince yourself what you'd prefer to think be so is actually so.
just keep going.
Living the life
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,211
I have been rereading this thread because there are so many insights and truths here, even if some of them are contradicting, because they are truths to that person.
Algorithm, your comment here haunts me. I am going to come clean. I am not fully committed to never drinking again. There, I said it. I have some very nice bottles of wine and my mantra is "I have every intention of drinking them someday".
I have read so many comments on this site where folks thought they could drink casually after breaking the habit of it. The logical side of my brain sees this and thinks "what makes you think you would be any different?" But the emotional side (let's face it, the AV) says well there's nothing wrong with having a drink on special days like Christmas or birthdays". Then the logical side says "and what happens when every day is a special day?" Sigh. I am not going to throw them out. I may one day give them away as gifts but I'm not ready to do that yet.
I'm glad you picked up on this. I worked in a large male dominated manufacturing facility (I am a tradesperson and was the only woman in about 1500 skilled trades people for my first ten years back in the '80's). We worked hard and played hard and put in very long hours. Years ago drinking was very much a part of the job, or maybe the job identity. I was a weekend binge drinker but would never drink during the week when I first started working there as a young woman. I soon learned to drink with the guys to fit in.
It is not unusual to see folks run into problems when they retire. We have had suicides from people not knowing how to fill all that free time on their hands, especially those in skilled trades who worked so much overtime all their lives. And we have had people fill that time with booze and drink themselves to an early death. This was one of my concerns when I was trying to decide whether or not to retire at 53 last year or keep working.
In my own case I have a lot going for me. I am aware of the pitfalls and have made plans accordingly. I have lots of hobbies that I bought the equipment for when I was working but had no time to really get into them. I have a sewing room full of machines and a new granddaughter to sew for. I have a garage full of woodworking equipment and tools. Now I have the time to enjoy these hobbies and I do. I also have a few social activities that are new to me such as bowling. It is true that I was a heavy drinker. But being away from all my drinking buddies since retiring last year has definitely reduced the amount that I drink. I was still a daily drinker in that I would have a couple of drinks every day, usually a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. And yes, some days more. But because I have seen how this can progress for others in retirement I decided that this is probably not very healthy and here I am. It was a day like any other, the day after labour day weekend, but it seemed like the beginning of a new season and a new year (kids go back to school that day), and that seemed like a good time for a new attitude about my lifestyle. It wasn't a reaction to some humiliating thing I did drunk or a massive hangover, it was just a realization that had been growing for some time that I want to be healthier, and that seemed like a good day to start.
So (very) long story short - I am not yet committed to being sober forever. But I am committed to being sober today. And that should count for something, I'm thinkin'. Even if I don't count days lol
Originally Posted by Algorithm
(((snip)))
I eschew this focus, since I consider it a part of addiction itself, essentially counting the days of deprivation between drinks. However, neither would I recommend a casual attitude towards drinking again after previously deciding to abstain. Such a clear reversal of intent is part of addiction, not recovery.
I eschew this focus, since I consider it a part of addiction itself, essentially counting the days of deprivation between drinks. However, neither would I recommend a casual attitude towards drinking again after previously deciding to abstain. Such a clear reversal of intent is part of addiction, not recovery.
I have read so many comments on this site where folks thought they could drink casually after breaking the habit of it. The logical side of my brain sees this and thinks "what makes you think you would be any different?" But the emotional side (let's face it, the AV) says well there's nothing wrong with having a drink on special days like Christmas or birthdays". Then the logical side says "and what happens when every day is a special day?" Sigh. I am not going to throw them out. I may one day give them away as gifts but I'm not ready to do that yet.
Originally Posted by Algorithm
By your own admission, you were a daily, heavy drinker for about 40 years, and there are inherent risks to what is called "moderation" for people with this kind of drinking history. Few can do it, especially without work or other obligations putting on the breaks. More than one has retired and quickly plummeted into the abyss.
It is not unusual to see folks run into problems when they retire. We have had suicides from people not knowing how to fill all that free time on their hands, especially those in skilled trades who worked so much overtime all their lives. And we have had people fill that time with booze and drink themselves to an early death. This was one of my concerns when I was trying to decide whether or not to retire at 53 last year or keep working.
In my own case I have a lot going for me. I am aware of the pitfalls and have made plans accordingly. I have lots of hobbies that I bought the equipment for when I was working but had no time to really get into them. I have a sewing room full of machines and a new granddaughter to sew for. I have a garage full of woodworking equipment and tools. Now I have the time to enjoy these hobbies and I do. I also have a few social activities that are new to me such as bowling. It is true that I was a heavy drinker. But being away from all my drinking buddies since retiring last year has definitely reduced the amount that I drink. I was still a daily drinker in that I would have a couple of drinks every day, usually a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. And yes, some days more. But because I have seen how this can progress for others in retirement I decided that this is probably not very healthy and here I am. It was a day like any other, the day after labour day weekend, but it seemed like the beginning of a new season and a new year (kids go back to school that day), and that seemed like a good time for a new attitude about my lifestyle. It wasn't a reaction to some humiliating thing I did drunk or a massive hangover, it was just a realization that had been growing for some time that I want to be healthier, and that seemed like a good day to start.
So (very) long story short - I am not yet committed to being sober forever. But I am committed to being sober today. And that should count for something, I'm thinkin'. Even if I don't count days lol
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