Darwinia

There are days when I completely lose my confidence. It occurs most often when I have to leave my comfort zone. It also happens when I know I have to spend time in the company of people that I feel inferior to.

Objectively and logically I know this is silly. I know that ultimately it only matters to me and that the people I measure myself against probably does not give it any thought at all. But knowing is not feeling. Fortunately I have been here before and I know that as they say in the classics "this too shall pass".

The funny thing is that most people that know me/meet me think that I have oodles of confidence. It is so off the mark.

I know this lack of confidence played a part in my alcoholism. I also know that drinking never made it better. Quite the opposite. It just made me feel like an even bigger loser.

Quitting did not make me more confident. It just made me sober. It is what it is and it has to be enough.

Soberwolf

Have you read anything by Brené Brown ?

Fly N Buy

There's an old tag line........when a drunk horse thief sobers up, ya get a sober horse thief.

The critical element is change. At times for me this is painful and slow. But as time passes I realize there is change. I have changed.

Many of us had/have a feeling of less than, it's common among our circle - and normies. Ya can't judge a book by it's cover. But, I find I get better.....not it, but me. I forgive myself for my imperfections and my broken-to-pieces hood.

In sobriety we start to feel real emotions. It's scary and we don't always know how to handle them - I know I don't. That's typically when I become a jerk!

If we keep doing what were doing, not drinking - we will grow much, and change. That's the fun!

Thanks for the thread - it's a good topic.

Darwinia

Have not read Brene Brown. Will read up on it. Any help will be good.

Anna

Brene Brown writes about guilt and shame and vulnerability. Something that helps me to deal with lack of confidence is her quote: “Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we're all in this together.”

MissPerfumado

I had this realisation about confidence about a month ago. I could have written that post myself!

Except in my case alcohol did make me more confident by lending me "Dutch courage" in many areas of life, until it stopped working quite abruptly. Then things became a lot worse.

I actually did a lot of work on myself around authenticity, self-acceptance, forgiveness of self and others, etc. all while I was still drinking quite heavily. This helped a lot with my confidence even while I was still drinking. I am going back to those lessons now, as I feel that when I read them first time around they were taking root on unhealthy soil. This time around, the foundations I hope will be stronger.

I am rereading Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. I read it as a fresh-faced trainee about 20 years ago! It is an old'un but a good'un. The grand-daddy of modern management / self-help books - he talks about having a strong set of principles to lead you through life.

Thanks for the post Darwinia. It's a great topic.