Volshen

After 3 months without a drink I drank yesterday.

I didn't enjoy it ... it felt wrong morally and like I was drinking poison. I spent the evening worrying and getting rid of all evidence of it.

I'm lucky because it could of been a full return to drinking if it had been a fun experience. Instead it has brought back my motivation to be sober.

I know you all care but there's no need for "I'm sorry you drank", in a weird way I'm glad it happened because it's brought me back to reality ... I wasn't cured and I can't be complacent.

Volshen

Mountainmanbob

I understand that for those are my thoughts this last sober time around.
Booze reminds me of the liquid devil.

I think that you are today in a good place with your sober thoughts.

Good luck and many blessings sent
from
Bob

Anna

I won't say I'm sorry you drank, but I think it's very important for you to understand why you decided to drink after 3 months. Then, you can work on a plan to prevent that happening again. You might not be so lucky next time.

dwtbd

The best chance you have at giving yourself(and enjoying) a healthier, safer and happier life is to not drink again ,ever. That's the theory I'm going with, what's your plan for future alcohol use? ( Any and all arguments against the theory are pure AV, squash the AV)

Volshen

Anna,

I think it is because I became complacent. In the beginning of those 3 months I was all about staying sober ... in the last month I was simply "not drinking".

I had many warning signs that scared me but I didn't do anything about them.

january161992

the good news is that there is a solution

PiratePrentice

I know exactly what you mean! When I go long periods of not drinking, and I slip up and have a drink for some reason, it helps reinforce how foreign and unnecessary it is for me. How silly it is, and how silly it was for me to think drinking was a good thing. That's happened recently. Just make sure you don't let it turn into a relapse. Maybe in the minority here, but if they happen (and they shouldn't), I think a slip can be good for you (again, only if they happen. Complete abstinence is the only thing that's 100% good for you). For the reasons I just described, but it can also give you a good kick in the rear end to make you realize you need to be more proactive. But, yeah, I know what you mean by "glad it happened." It's incredible that you acknowledged it, picked yourself back up and didn't let it stand in the way of your recovery. Just try not to let it happen again! Good luck!

Windancer

I agree with Anna. Learn from it, and move on

Bruno1979

3 months is great, that's the point that I am now getting to, (3 months)

Get straight back on the wagon, try not to think of it as day 1, think of it as your 79th sober day out of 80 or whatever it is and use your experience to make sure that it never happens again

Good luck,

Bruno.

Dee74

I'll cut to the chase then

You need a plan.

I know I've given this to you before, and at the time you said you didn't really understand it...I think it's worth a re-read (and a re-think) tho, Volshen.

htttp://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/382110-psst-wanna-know-why-im-always-recommending-recovery-plans.html

I am glad you came right back.

D

fini

Volshen,

it brought you back to reality....how, when and why did you leave it?
i'm not being sarcastic here...clearly, you see now that you had drifted or run away or left reality...and what will you do to anchor yourself to the reality that you...uh...what IS that reality? other than that you're not cured?

having clarity of what that reality is is paramount.

the idea that you were lucky because you didn't like it, it was no fun...i read that here so often. what a good thing it was that we didn't enjoy the return to drinking/the drinking/getting drunk.

and every time i read it, i don't get it.

if/when we say it was a good thing we didn't enjoy it, it implies we thought we would. it implies we used to drink for the fun of it. enjoyment. in my mind, this then implies choice and control.
but if we don't enjoy it, phew, then we don't need to choose that again.

the concept of it being fun/liking is irrelevant when speaking about my alcoholism/drinking. it wasn't about liking or not liking, fun or not fun. it was compulsive, addictive, obsessive....alcoholic.

don't know if that's true for you.
if some of it rings that way, maybe stay with it a little before moving on.

juppe

Awesome job on the 3 months!

bexxed

Every time I have relapsed this has been what I've done. Drank, thought, "ugh. That wasn't good." And stopped very early. Go a few days, maybe a week. Allow circumstances to re-present. Rinse. Repeat. Meantime, I have stopped coming here, have stopped all parts of the sobriety plan. Not admitted its another day one. It didn't feel as bad as my last day one, so how could it be? Rationalize more.

Relapse.

Be careful.

fini

what you're doing, bexxed, sounds a lot how i lived my drinking life.
i used to think i had a gazillion relapses, but now understand that i just changed my drinking pattern.

Volshen

Thank you everyone.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Volshen!!

Volshen

I woke up a monster.. I didn't think I had because I didn't enjoy the beer I drank.. but now at work I keep thinking about the next time I could drink.

I keep getting dumb thoughts like "you only have 3 or 4 days, if you drink you won't lose many days"..

Yeah maybe my day count wouldn't be a big loss but I would lose my girlfriend, job, license and apartment.

August252015

I am not sure which thread it was on (Anyone?) but someone posted an awesome summary of relapse- a nine step ladder. That would be a great read for you right now.

From what I have heard, one of the most dangerous parts of a one-drink-kind-of-relapse is what it can become in a week, a month, six months....that's what needs to be addressed right now.

Back to a plan? AA? Other program? Good luck.

Ooona

That was posted on the thread ' Signs of a Relapse'. Its on the first page of the Newcomers threads.

That ladder is so fricking awesome! I printed it and its on my refrigerator!!

ReadyAtLast

Welcome back Volshen. It's great you came back. I drank at 3 1/2 years sober too and came back on Saturday. We must re-step up our efforts and stay sober. I've just re-joined the Sep class -maybe you would like to too.