MeSoSober

When I first came here I'm not sure I truly wanted to quit drinking.

Now I'm getting genuinely scared that I will never stop.

I'm a binge drinker just coming off a bender. I have pissed off my boss. I'm going to have to go back to work tomorrow with that horrible feeling of shame and fear. I've been doing this crap for 15 years and have lost a tremendous amount because of my drinking.

I could really use some words of encouragement and hope right now.

Anna

I always thought I would be able to stop drinking when I wanted to. It wasn't like that. I couldn't, and it was so scary. Have faith that you can do this and we are here to support you. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed, but decide to get through the day without drinking.

TorontoGuy28

Yup - been there my friend... Total (ex) binge drinker.

Dust off, and let's move on.

What are you doing for recovery ?

I only started to get better when I supplemented AA with a psychotherapist, an addiction specialist and meds for my anxiety etc.

tursiops999

welcome, mesosober!

MeSoSober

Thanks Anna. I know I need to be here. I can't go on like this. I don't ever want to feel like this again.

ChloeRose63

Don't beat yourself up. That only makes it harder to regroup and recover. What you did is done. You begin a new chapter starting at the time you had your last drink. Spend each minute, hour, and day creating a new and stronger plan to stay on track with your sobriety. Concentrate on cleaning out the alcohol in your system so that your mind will be clearer. Once you get out of the 'fog' in your brain make a solid plan and move ahead. There is hope growing with each sober moment. Glad you came back to SR! ♡ CR

MeSoSober

Thank you.

A few years ago I went to a recovery group. I've gone to detox and AA meetings before. None of it really made a difference. I think SR is the best thing I can do for me. I always seem to get complacent! When I had to move in with my parents in 2014 (I have my own place now) I was sober for almost a full year. Prior to that I would string together a few months at a time.

How long have you been sober? Did you make multiple attempts to get sober before it really "stuck"?

Hevyn

Hi MeSoSober. I remember that horrible feeling so clearly. At the end of my drinking career I had hurt and confused everyone. Every time I had alcohol in my system I changed into someone I didn't recognize. The fun it used to be had vanished long ago - and it was never coming back. All it brought me was danger and misery. We don't need it. You can do this.

I know you were asking Toronto the question - but I've been sober 8-1/2 yrs. after drinking for 30. It took me a few tries before it took. I don't know why I clung to it for so long - I treasure the freedom I now have.

MeSoSober

You guys are wonderful. Thank you so much.

Hevyn, I'm not far off from your 30 years. I started drinking in college. Even then, I consistently overdid it more than most everyone else. Right around my 30th birthday it took a pretty dramatic turn for the worse. I am appalled looking back on it all. It makes absolutely no sense.

Hevyn

You're right - it doesn't. It's in the looking back through sober eyes that we finally see what we've done to ourselves. While we're under the influence we justify it and never realize how it's taking us slowly down a little further every day. You will rise above this.

MeSoSober

I really need to believe that. Thank you so much.

FreeOwl

Encouragement??

How about this; YOU CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE A GAJILLION TIMES BETTER THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE....

All you have to do, is sincerely choose it.

And then ACT. ACT. ACT.

ACTION in honor of that choice.

RE-MAKING that choice every day when you wake up.

GIVING THANKS at the end of each day, that you made it through sober.

And then Making that choice again and ACTING. ACTING. ACTING in the direction of sobriety.


That's it. It's that damn simple. There are many actions you can use to tailor your path; AA meetings, the steps, SMART recovery, Meditation, Exercise, New Hobbies, Therapy, A supportive group of sober friends, hypnotism, journaling, gratitude lists, service work...... And you will find your own path and combination that works.

But you must act. Desire will never get you sober. Only CHOICE. Backed up with ACTION.


oh....

AND YOU CAN DO IT.

least

I'm sober six years and nine months, and it took me many tries before I finally 'got it'. Don't give up. Keep trying til you get it. It's hard at first but not impossible.

Gilmer

MeSo! It is so good to see you again!

Abject fear is a great motivator.

You knew where to come for sound recommendations.

I'm not the wisest, but I'm just glad to see you! You contribute such wit and good humor to your threads!

Verdantia

Hi, MeSoSober, I am sorry you are in so much pain. I know too well the feelings of shame and fear. I thought that I could never stop and that my life was over. I was overwhelmed by confusion, misery and self-hatred. Finally it came down to quit drinking or die. Despite my mental agony I realized that there still were many wonderful things in the world that I wanted to experience. Sobriety is so difficult but so worth it. You can do this and I send you best wishes on your journey. Staying close to SR has been incredibly helpful to me.

lovetolisten

I've been there. Time will heal the emotions you are feeling, even though it's all consuming now. Feel better, just don't convince yourself you can drink again and be back in this mental state. I've had over 15 years of a bad binge pattern too, I know where you're at and sending a virtual hug. The best way to patch things up with your boss is changed behavior

awuh1

What are you going to do differently? Have you decided?

If you want to get serious about changing things, why don't you try the AA program (as opposed to meetings). This would vastly increase your odds of getting sober. Perhaps even tell your boss this is your plan. Then DO it.

Just a suggestion. Good luck.

MeSoSober

That was so nice to read -- you're a doll.

MeSoSober

And that's exactly what has always happened. As recently as a few months ago I found myself pleased because I'd discovered the two "right-sized" bottles I could buy and have just the right amount of vodka to get me through the evening with nothing left over the next day. That's insane. I've proven to myself and others so many, many times that I will never be able to drink safely and yet I still continue it.

Thank you for your support!

Awuh1 and Verdantia, thank you too.

awuh1

I really like the Shakespeare quote in your signature "Be great in act, as you have in thought"

And this time you are going to do what differently?