Delilah1

Welcome Back!!! I have felt the exact same way you do right now. I drank for about 30 years, starting at 14. In high school it was weekends, then college those weekends became most nights, then came my twenties where I spent a lot of time out with friends in bars. When I hit my 30s I remained sober throughout my three pregnancies, and then gradually began drinking again after. I attempted moderation and failed miserably.

I decided enough was enough in NYE, and currently have a little more than 8 months sober. I check in here daily, especially with the January class and the 24 hour thread. It was important for me to schedule every minute of the time I would normally have been drinking those first few weeks, and I avoided places/events where alcohol would be. As time passed the thoughts of drinking got less and less.

You already proved to yourself that you could stop for a year, you can do this!!! Looking forward to seeing you on here.

Dee74

Hi meso - welcome back

when I found myself so far out I doubted I could make it back alive, the one thing that comforted me was I knew not what to do.

I couldn't rationalise away my drinking anymore.

I couldn't put off my starting date to some nominal date in the future anymore, either

and I couldn't keep hoping that making no, or very little changes, to my life would somehow bring me the massive changes I needed to make.

As FreeOwl said the time for action - one way irreversible action - is here.If that makes you panic, then good - you're on the right track

Post here daily or even more, rejoin your old class group or find another. Rea what other people are doing and try and figure out if thats for you.

Make a plan - now - not for tomorrow or next week or when you feel better.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Draw that line in the sand and don't look back MeSo

D

MeSoSober

I need to think very carefully about that. Your question prompted me to look up a counselor in my area. And keep coming here. I need to think of this place as a daily or near-daily necessity. Early today I actually thought about making a list of things I've done and lost because of my drinking. I think it might help me to have visual reminder. And maybe a list of everything I stand to gain also.

wehav2day

Meso!!!!

Welcome back!

Oh yeah, I quit a bunch of times before it "stuck" I kept waiting to find that magical combination of things to do to make it work, to stop for good.

The fact for me is there was no magical combination. Nothing made me stay sober. Until I really admitted I was completely licked by this thing. And became Williams by to do whatever. I stopped saying no to any particular type of recovery method. Stopped saying X or y or z "wasn't for me." I basically tried it all, with the only thing I said no to being alcohol. After about 10 months of white knuckling I said what the hell and did the aa steps with a sponsor I found here on sr.

Then I was able to stay sober for real without fearing relapse every single day. I still work on recovery, but it's so much easier and it's completely rewarding. Drinking is for suckahs. and normies of course. But I'm sooooo not a normie.

You can do this, meso!! You just have to take drinking off of the table, and say yes to recovery plans/methods before you say no. Work work work until it clicks. Don't wait for it to click, cause it won't unless we work at it. Sometimes in the dark, but it's worth it!!

awuh1

There are some positive things in that plan. So far it looks like they are (for the most part) thoughts. They have yet to turn into actions. Don't forget the Shakespeare quote,


The sobriety date in your signature needs updating also. That's an easy one.

MeSoSober

You guys are gems thank you all so much for your support and thanks for the links, Dee.

Joene23

I am/was at least not for the last 14 days the same way. I would buy a 12 pack on a friday because I knew by the end of the night I would be out and I wouldn't be able to go straight back at it in the morning. At least not right after waking up. You could of set your watch to my drinking, every morning of my last workday of the week going to grab a 12 pack and drink hopefully while my unbelievably tolerant wife was at work so I wouldn't need to feel ashamed. I doubt this would help many people but after my last binge I was so ashamed. I hated myself so much and never wanted to feel like that again but that also wasnt out of the ordinary the only difference that has seemed to break this cycle is I consistently binge watched the most vivid and fear mongering documentaries on alcohol abuse I could find. As well as filled up every moment of my waking free time with some sort of work. I doubt I'm using a recommended method but it has at least gotten me on my way to 3 weeks sober, which has not happened in more years than I care to mention.

MeSoSober

You're off to a good start Joene23! Let's do this thing.

tomsteve

it stuck the very first time for me. after 23 years of gloom dispair and agony, i was desperate- the pain of getting drunk had exceeded the pain of reality and it was get help or kill myself.
i was willing to do whatever was necessary- any action necessary.
i knew for a fact that just putting down the bottle wouldnt cut it.
just going to a shrink wasnt going to cut it.
just going to rehab wasnt going to cut it.
just going to therapy wasnt going to cut it.
just going to aa wasnt going to cut it.
i knew that sobering up a drunken horse thief makes a horse thief

i had to get my ass into action if i didnt want to drink again.
been workin for 11+ years now.

venuscat

Hi Meso ~ it was truly wonderful to 'see' you today; I'm just so very glad you are back with us. Sending you so much love. ♥