Lightning Bug

The mind is like a fast and powerful tornado barreling itself across the land with no discernable direction or any indication of when it will slow down. The mind, like the tornado, is a powerful force constantly working to maintain viability.

Each of us have our own ways of slowing our minds down so we can have some peace. Some turn to medication to control misfiring neurons, others use exercise to relax the brain waves, many turn to drugs or alcohol to stifle the noise, and then there are those who use the art of meditation to bring peace.

I have spent my whole life looking for ways to calm my mind and I thought meditation was only for hippies, Buddhists or yoga teachers. I dismissed it as poppycock, I mean how can we turn off our thoughts by having more thoughts? It didn't make sense to my logical brain.

When I was in rehab I used to get up at 5AM to be alone on the balcony with my morning coffee. One day I was standing out there looking across the trees, feeling a light wind on my face, and hearing the morning calls from the geckos down below. I wasn't thinking of anything, my mind was calm and peaceful, and I was simply enjoying the present moment. Not too long after I began my day. Rehab was a constant flurry of activity, groups, therapies and work. That day seemed no different until I began reflecting on it before bed. I realized I had no anxiety, my mind was clear and open to instruction, I had passing thoughts about a God that I never believed in before, I was pleasant to everyone (including people who usually annoyed or bothered me). Most importantly, I was open and honest in group and therapy. Usually I am reserved with my real feelings because I have a giant wall built up around me and nothing ever gets through that wall.

Frankly, I was perplexed. What was different? Why was I different? Then I thought about my time alone in the morning. I wondered if what I did was mediation. I thought you had to sit Indian style and breathe strangely in order to call it meditation. So, my analytical side called for an experiment. I would repeat the same behavior the next day and record my findings.

I repeated it the next day and every single day since then. This routine, the one I hesitated calling meditation because I still believed it was poppycock or something you did while smoking weed, has become one of the strongest tools in my recovery toolbox. Later I learned through research that my actual experience is called mindfulness. Ok, that doesn't sound that so bohemian.

I have a sense of calmness and serenity surrounding me these days. I am not as hyper from my ADHD. I would say that I feel content. I believe that the act of mindfulness is a major player in the game of keeping Bug sober. Without this newly found peace my mind would be in a different place and while I hope I wouldn't have used, I just don't know.

It took me my whole life to discover the power of this experience. I try not to think of all the stress and anxiety I could have avoided if I had learned this earlier. But then I realized that somehow I was meant to discover this on that early Tuesday morning in July. Being present in that moment opened my eyes to something I used to think was useless and weird. I was given a gift. I am hoping my post today may pass on that gift to you.

Thanks for reading my most recent blog. If you want to read more you can find my blog link on my profile.

thomas11

Bug, you should do some freelance writing. Excellent.

Lightning Bug

Thanks I have thought about it but I didn't think I was disciplined enough to be published writer. My undergraduate degree is in English (I fancied myself living in England and writing poetry on the banks of the Thames). Instead I graduated and ended up writing... but instead of prose it was binary code. I ended up in computer programming and that continues to this day.

I love writing my blog entries for my recovery. I love sharing them here with you.

Stalker2016

I agree, your writing is really good. I'm going to read your blog!

ItWillBeWorthIt

Love your writing Bug and love the benefits of meditation and mindfulness.

One of my favorite rewards of recovery is having a peaceful, clear, content mind. For me, there is nothing greater, because everything else seems to fall into place and the days are beautiful.

Thank you for your post Bug.

Lightning Bug

I was on a quest to get rid of my crippling anxiety about 8 years ago and that is when I met my first bottle of Xanax. I went from a girl who never touched alcohol or drugs to an addict in less than a year. Alcohol was always secondary to me. Xanax was my drug of choice. The only reason I started drinking at all is when I went into recovery from Xanax and I was desperate to replace it. So no more Xanax but I hit the wine. And then I became an alcoholic. I trace it all back to anxiety.

Confession. I wish I had discovered mindfulness before I ever touched a benzo. Maybe it would have saved me from the pits of hell I put myself in.

Reality. I did all of it and I can't take it back.

So now I move forward with this new tool in my toolbox.

Bird615

Loved your post! This makes a huge difference in my life too when I remember to practice it. I can say that these days, getting anxious or worried is now a rare occurrence for me. It is such a relief to be free of that way of being.

Lightning Bug

The beauty in it is that it is so quick and simple. It takes me longer to do my makeup than it does to practice mindfulness. And I benefit from it all day long. My makeup is running down my face by 10 am!

Windancer

Thanks so much for that wonderful post!
It served as a huge reminder to continue to practice mindfulness and all the positive that comes with it.

Lightning Bug

I am so conditioned to do it every single day without fail at dawn that I don't even need a reminder! I can't imagine how I would feel if something prevented me one day. I would probably moody enough that people would accuse me of bringing my PMS to work.

Lightning Bug

So, interesting experiment. I found myself with anxiety over cleaning the house (I get overwhelmed and posed off about it turning into a wreck by the end of the week. Pulled a little meditation session in the bathroom and poof! I feel better ! Now I have to cleanup this war zone.

Stalker2016

Downloaded an app to get me started. Thanks for the inspiration!

Lightning Bug

Ooh tell me about the app! What is it and what does it do?

Stalker2016

It is called Headspace, but I must admit I have not tried it yet.