Chronic relapser
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Dee
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SR
Personal remarks, or 'call outs' for bad behaviour, if they need to be uttered at all, are best confined to PMs thanks - naturally, the rules of the forum and civility still apply to PMs.
Otherwise, please use either the report post button
to alert the mod squador use the ignore feature
Ignore bothersome members. If there is someone on the forum that bothers you, select the Ignore option on the drop down menu under their name on the post. You won't see any posts from this member again.
Dee
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SR
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
I feel quite pessimistic about my own recovery hearing of people that were well on their way with many years sobriety that returns to drinking and we all hear it often.
It meant a lot of changes, yeah - but if I hadn't made those changes I'd never be living the awesome life I have now
Have faith - it may not always seem like it in the early days, but it really can,. and does work out JGK
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Pretoria
Posts: 16
Have 3 pics on my car's sun visor of men with hangovers holding their heads, we all know that feeling. And still I am wondering about a drink after work, insane. It is as if there is a part of my brain that is just not working. The Big book talks about it. I say to myself aloud that I will drink too much, I am taking a risk, having a 6 pack on the freeway home, I will feel terrible tomorrow morning etc etc and yet.......the insanity began and now it is the push and pull in my brain of yes or no and it drives me crazy.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Pretoria
Posts: 16
Am today on day 7.
Had a bit of breakthrough last week Thursday. The urge to drink was overwhelming and although I had to go the pharmacy which is across the liquor store I did not give in to my cravings, looked at some pictures in my car of people with hangovers and concentrated on how I would feel the next morning.
Currently I feel totally demotivated and like a piece of s..t. Not able to concentrate or do any works, in my mind going in circles, thinking about the ease and comfort a few drinks give, must add that I am not a Monday person. Come to think of it, neither am a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday person...
Had a bit of breakthrough last week Thursday. The urge to drink was overwhelming and although I had to go the pharmacy which is across the liquor store I did not give in to my cravings, looked at some pictures in my car of people with hangovers and concentrated on how I would feel the next morning.
Currently I feel totally demotivated and like a piece of s..t. Not able to concentrate or do any works, in my mind going in circles, thinking about the ease and comfort a few drinks give, must add that I am not a Monday person. Come to think of it, neither am a Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday person...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Pretoria
Posts: 16
So the monster won last night. Have been here thousands of times. Have a hard day ahead of me.
How fortunate are those who's compulsion to drink has ceases.
Lost a friend Saturday due to emphysema but he died a sober death and had a long sober life. Leaving behind a legacy of saving lives. Wish that for all of us that suffers from this devastating disease.
Today is day 1...again
How fortunate are those who's compulsion to drink has ceases.
Lost a friend Saturday due to emphysema but he died a sober death and had a long sober life. Leaving behind a legacy of saving lives. Wish that for all of us that suffers from this devastating disease.
Today is day 1...again
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Pretoria
Posts: 16
Hercules,
I went to a 12 step treatment center in 2012 and stayed sober for 18 months. During that time I had some glimpses of what is promised in the Big Book. I hang on to that and know deep down that AA is the solution for me. If I can get some sober time, clear my insane thinking and immerse myself in the program I will make it. Also, I can relate to almost every thing that is written in the Big Book.
But last night is a perfect example of how my demise is eminent. Once the drinking thinking starts there is no turn around. I was possessed by insane thinking to the point of going mad and alcoholic in me always wins.
I went to a 12 step treatment center in 2012 and stayed sober for 18 months. During that time I had some glimpses of what is promised in the Big Book. I hang on to that and know deep down that AA is the solution for me. If I can get some sober time, clear my insane thinking and immerse myself in the program I will make it. Also, I can relate to almost every thing that is written in the Big Book.
But last night is a perfect example of how my demise is eminent. Once the drinking thinking starts there is no turn around. I was possessed by insane thinking to the point of going mad and alcoholic in me always wins.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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But last night is a perfect example of how my demise is eminent. Once the drinking thinking starts there is no turn around. I was possessed by insane thinking to the point of going mad and alcoholic in me always wins.
I drank alcoholically for the best part of 20 years, then I stopped.
I learned to recognize the insane thinking and I worked out strategies and plans to beat it and keep my sobreity safe.
I created a support network and used it. I changed the things in my life that were not conducive to me staying sober.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
There's nothing I did that you can't do JGK
D
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
I would say obviously your mind is playing tricks on you. You are having all these thoughts that may or not be true. Let that one that says you are on your demise or that you are going to die, let that go. That is a random thought you can't control those thoughts. Your mind is just doing stupid stuff right now because it is overloaded with past belief systems past bullcrap past past past. So there is plenty of stuff that you can't control and it is going to be annoying, but here is what you do. Start AA again. Check out any other treatments that you can. Know that your mind and your life is going to be painful and annoying but take it one moment at a time. We've all been where you are at. If you don't die or kill yourself you will figure it out. Keep trying.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Pretoria
Posts: 16
Thanks Mcribb,
I am busy organizing service at AA meetings. Already have one meeting where I have unlock and do the setup for the meeting.
I know my thinking is insane. Yesterday I did not drink but had a large bottle of cough syrup with high codeine content. Spend the afternoon high at the office. And here is the more insane part. I was actually googling how to extract codeine from capsules and pills using a cold water extraction method. My thinking was leave the booze and move onto codeine. Funny, how I can recognize my insanity and still keep on damaging myself.
I am busy organizing service at AA meetings. Already have one meeting where I have unlock and do the setup for the meeting.
I know my thinking is insane. Yesterday I did not drink but had a large bottle of cough syrup with high codeine content. Spend the afternoon high at the office. And here is the more insane part. I was actually googling how to extract codeine from capsules and pills using a cold water extraction method. My thinking was leave the booze and move onto codeine. Funny, how I can recognize my insanity and still keep on damaging myself.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
It's good you have self awareness of how insane this thinking is.
Don't you think it's time to act on that self awareness, address the insanity and stop yourself from falling down another rabbit hole JGK?
Have you considered seeing a Dr, counsellor? Inpatient or outpatient rehab again? AA/NA or some other meeting based recovery group again?
D
Don't you think it's time to act on that self awareness, address the insanity and stop yourself from falling down another rabbit hole JGK?
Have you considered seeing a Dr, counsellor? Inpatient or outpatient rehab again? AA/NA or some other meeting based recovery group again?
D
Practice Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: KC missouri
Posts: 885
caugh syrup also has Dextra (something or other) that gets you high as well. Codine is bad, but so is the Dex that is in cold medicine. Most people won't abuse that stuff because it isn't their drug of choice, but I have. I just want to let you know that your feelings are lying to you along with your head. The past and the future are not real. I know it sucks but you have to bear with the feelings and thinking and just get to meetings and call people when you want to drink or do drugs. I hate to see you keep doing this dance trying to balance everything. I know you haven't discovered yet that life/alcoholism/drugs is going to win. Once you see that you can't beat life/alcoholism/drugs you surrender and admit defeat and it is in the defeat you find the greatest gift. Humility. It doesn't make sense. Most things in this world don't make sense though.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
JGK, have you looked into AVRT or RR...there is some info over in the secular section of this forum.
I was a chronic relapser as well. AVRT gave me some great skills to address my addictive voice and shut it down...
My addictive voice didn't care that I wanted a good and better life, and it didn't care if I end up dead from cirrhosis as long as give it what it wanted, alcohol.
Take care.
I was a chronic relapser as well. AVRT gave me some great skills to address my addictive voice and shut it down...
My addictive voice didn't care that I wanted a good and better life, and it didn't care if I end up dead from cirrhosis as long as give it what it wanted, alcohol.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 114
Hi there JKG.,
I can identify with your story especially the high achiever and the
hiding the drinking. I am not good at talking with others about things. I found posting on here a real release because I was able to get my feelings out and know that people on this site really understand. So many people tell similar stories. I actually told people at work and home that I was drinking too much and had decided to stop, That was all I said but it was like a huge relief that I didn't have this 'terrible secret' any more. I also went on and stayed on antidepressants which I hadn't wanted to do. The mild side effects are a lot more bearable than the guilt and shame I felt while binge drinking alcohol.
Stay strong, Together we can do this.
I can identify with your story especially the high achiever and the
hiding the drinking. I am not good at talking with others about things. I found posting on here a real release because I was able to get my feelings out and know that people on this site really understand. So many people tell similar stories. I actually told people at work and home that I was drinking too much and had decided to stop, That was all I said but it was like a huge relief that I didn't have this 'terrible secret' any more. I also went on and stayed on antidepressants which I hadn't wanted to do. The mild side effects are a lot more bearable than the guilt and shame I felt while binge drinking alcohol.
Stay strong, Together we can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
your story is my story - I was very outwardly successful, hadn't suffered serious consequences yet (or so I thought) and frequently managed to moderate my drinking. What I didn't realize is how obsessed I had become with it, lol.. how it was controlling my life and ruining relationships. Many relationships. It took me several attempts but I made it a point to learn from them, and I eventually put it all together and made it stick.
I think in your case, you're hitting the end of physical withdrawal around day 5-7, and caving. It's completely understandable, and a result of physical craving, which creates all those symptoms you mentioned having on day 7. In my experience, once you get past that point it gets easier. It becomes a mental game and we can manage that.
You really can do it.
I think in your case, you're hitting the end of physical withdrawal around day 5-7, and caving. It's completely understandable, and a result of physical craving, which creates all those symptoms you mentioned having on day 7. In my experience, once you get past that point it gets easier. It becomes a mental game and we can manage that.
You really can do it.
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