So Much Pain.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by rahrah 
WOW...sometimes you hear that one random thing that does it! And what you said....that's so helpful!
If I can look at all those years as a 'lesson', one giant lesson...perhaps then when that 'lesson' gets to be too painful with it's ceaseless reminders.. I can simply stop and say...."thanks 'lesson'...,I've had enough for today...I got this from here".
My brain needs to either 'over simplify' things or make them 'unfathomably complex'! I think your most excellent, yet simple piece of council is going to help me quite a bit! Thank you!
If I can look at all those years as a 'lesson', one giant lesson...perhaps then when that 'lesson' gets to be too painful with it's ceaseless reminders.. I can simply stop and say...."thanks 'lesson'...,I've had enough for today...I got this from here".
My brain needs to either 'over simplify' things or make them 'unfathomably complex'! I think your most excellent, yet simple piece of council is going to help me quite a bit! Thank you!
Keep putting the devil in its place and its power continues to lessen. Like a heartbreak, our past evils will go to their proper place - in our history, not our present and our future.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
I see pretty much all my drinking, my mother's drinking when
I was a child before that, as catalyst--an opportunity to grow and learn.
There is pain in many steps of the process, and I also had acute pain
"owning" my part when I first got sober--the waste of myself, the harm I caused.
To fully "feel" and let go of it has been a cyclical process for me.
Quite a bit in the beginning, backing off, and as I learn and grow,
going around again but "deeper" and letting go of older hurts, not all of which I caused.
Be patient, kind, and cultivate love for yourself as you go.
Self-love is something we drinkers are often quite short of,
yet it is essential to healing ourselves and really being able to love others
in a healthy way.
You are doing great work rahrah
I was a child before that, as catalyst--an opportunity to grow and learn.
There is pain in many steps of the process, and I also had acute pain
"owning" my part when I first got sober--the waste of myself, the harm I caused.
To fully "feel" and let go of it has been a cyclical process for me.
Quite a bit in the beginning, backing off, and as I learn and grow,
going around again but "deeper" and letting go of older hurts, not all of which I caused.
Be patient, kind, and cultivate love for yourself as you go.
Self-love is something we drinkers are often quite short of,
yet it is essential to healing ourselves and really being able to love others
in a healthy way.
You are doing great work rahrah
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Originally Posted by Anna
A hero of mine, the beloved Maya Angelou said it best 'I did then what I knew how to do. Now I know better, I do better'. So simple, yet so profound.
Recoverer of Self
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 297
Thank you to all for the support...it helps to know I'm not the only one who has experienced the pain/grief or the only one who believes it to be cathartic (as long as it is processed for progress rather than wallowed in).
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Originally Posted by leviathan
I understand these regrets very well. They almost buried me. At some point I realized I had payed my dues in the guilt department and that the only way to prove I had learned anything was to build a new life that was not a waste.
I try to look at it from different angles when it creeps back in. I tell it "you've already taught your lesson. I learned. Back off."
I remind myself I'm one of the LUCKY ones and I now have a responsibility to serve as an example that we can change directions and lead positive fulfilling lives in recovery.
I am also learning to look back at my younger, more foolish self with some compassion. I really wasn't having near as much fun as I would have told you. I really was lost and it unfortunately happens to smart, well-meaning people all the time.
The more kindness I can treat myself with, the more I can pass on. -a fact.
I try to look at it from different angles when it creeps back in. I tell it "you've already taught your lesson. I learned. Back off."
I remind myself I'm one of the LUCKY ones and I now have a responsibility to serve as an example that we can change directions and lead positive fulfilling lives in recovery.
I am also learning to look back at my younger, more foolish self with some compassion. I really wasn't having near as much fun as I would have told you. I really was lost and it unfortunately happens to smart, well-meaning people all the time.
The more kindness I can treat myself with, the more I can pass on. -a fact.
I can really relate to what you're feeling, rahrah. We'll get through, Im sure.
Delfin
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