Really need some opinions regarding my son
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 16
Really need some opinions regarding my son
My 13 year old son lives with my fiancé and I. His mom is not really in the picture, but we get along fine. I am going to in-patient next week for 30 days. Alcohol has been a problem for me for several years, and I have had enough.
My son is staying with my fiancé, so he can stay in school, his house, and with our family. That is exactly where he wants to be. Despite my alcohol issues, our children have always been treated well. No abuse, rarely even a raised voice.
My family has been contacting my fiancé to tell her that when I go to rehab, they're taking my son to live with with my brother. I was just made aware of this. He does not want to go at all, and is afraid they'll take him.
To my knowledge, they legally cannot take him without his mom and I's consent. (Unless of course he was in danger of being harmed.)
I know we can't discuss legal advice, just looking for some opinions. PS: I'm going on a week sober, and am excited about rehab.
My son is staying with my fiancé, so he can stay in school, his house, and with our family. That is exactly where he wants to be. Despite my alcohol issues, our children have always been treated well. No abuse, rarely even a raised voice.My family has been contacting my fiancé to tell her that when I go to rehab, they're taking my son to live with with my brother. I was just made aware of this. He does not want to go at all, and is afraid they'll take him.
To my knowledge, they legally cannot take him without his mom and I's consent. (Unless of course he was in danger of being harmed.)
I know we can't discuss legal advice, just looking for some opinions. PS: I'm going on a week sober, and am excited about rehab.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I think it's ok to discuss legal advice? I could be wrong. But truly your best bet is to talk to a lawyer yourself and find out where things lie. It's different in every state and country and many places like to see family units stay together and sober efforts are looked upon well by judges. Be honest with your lawyer and don't say too much to your family. And big congrats on your sober time.
Regardless of what happens your efforts towards sobriety will be the best and mean the most for you, your relationship with your son and fiance, and with your family. You should be proud of yourself. Keep on keeping on. Be as informed as possible but keep your eyes on the prize- which is your sobriety. If storms are rolling in, batten down your hatches to protect yourself first and then your family.
Like it's often said. Put your own air mask on first so you can properly assist others. First things first.
I know a lot of the struggle you are dealing with.
Regardless of what happens your efforts towards sobriety will be the best and mean the most for you, your relationship with your son and fiance, and with your family. You should be proud of yourself. Keep on keeping on. Be as informed as possible but keep your eyes on the prize- which is your sobriety. If storms are rolling in, batten down your hatches to protect yourself first and then your family.
Like it's often said. Put your own air mask on first so you can properly assist others. First things first.
I know a lot of the struggle you are dealing with.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
There's no rules here against legal advice - but I still think anyone's best legal advice will come from an attorney, not a internet forum
I have no experience to share Jason.
Based on all you've shared, it sounds like your son staying where he is is best for all concerned.
Hope everyone else will come to see it that way too
D
I have no experience to share Jason.
Based on all you've shared, it sounds like your son staying where he is is best for all concerned.
Hope everyone else will come to see it that way too
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
It sounds like your son is in the best place, I hope they will allow him to stay there because this is a sensitive time for him.
You didn't ask, but I will tell you, I left my kids (ages 7.5 and 6) for one month to go to rehab and they were just fine. Yes, they missed me but they were ok and benefitted from the end result- my sobriety. Rehab was AMAZING!
You didn't ask, but I will tell you, I left my kids (ages 7.5 and 6) for one month to go to rehab and they were just fine. Yes, they missed me but they were ok and benefitted from the end result- my sobriety. Rehab was AMAZING!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sounds like they might have his best interests at heart, but not really understand that things are in hand, and he's happy to be with your fiance. Luckily your son is old enough to be able to explain to them how he feels.
Sometimes people want to help and just need a bit of guidance about what that help could look like if they're going to be supportive. Communication is often the way to go.
Sometimes people want to help and just need a bit of guidance about what that help could look like if they're going to be supportive. Communication is often the way to go.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 16
Well great news, after talking more with my son and fiancé, they are backing off, and realized they were just being rash. This is a huge load off my shoulders. It was difficult not to drink last night, but I pushed through it. Now I can focus on recovery. Thank you all for your support!
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Good to hear. I was going to suggest telling your family you'll report them for kidnapping if they don't back off. I've had experience with this, particularly when one parent doesn't have custody and takes the child, but the same might apply in your case. Regardless, it sounds like it's working out. Take care of yourself...
Ironically, my parents are retired law enforcement. It would have been on my brother though, not them.
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